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145 · Oct 2022
Untitled
We walked to the park together
We didn't hold hands but we did look at each other
Sometimes we looked at each other in the eye
Although that may have been a coincidence while we were
Crossing the street
We sat in the park and didn't speak
And I felt guilty but I didn't know it then
And then we walked home
And we didn't look while we were crossing the street
Because the streets were empty
And I was looking at you in my peripheral vision
And thinking about hoarfrost
145 · Feb 2022
Namast3
Im thinking of ending things
Everything looks apocalyptic
And when I look in the mirror all i see is an archaic building
There's no sound when i speak.
There's nothing to hear in this echo chamber and there's nothing left to talk about
And everything feels like ash
I'm the little ghost in my room
Watching somebody else lay in my bed
N4m4stE
139 · Jan 2022
Something Beautiful
My whole life I've felt disconnected from people
Sort of like I'm trying to communicate behind a panel of glass
But I never really make it
I'm just watching from the outside
While everybody else gets to live
And I don't think I ever will understand others
But I dont really mind
I'm quite content in here.
huell
huell
138 · Apr 2021
I've Got a Feeling
I crawl in these carpeted rooms with my right hand clutching a pile of old papers
That used to mean something to me
I'm as drunk as can be
On something deeper than faith
I found God in the bottom of a bottle
And in the back of a TV screen
And in the pages of a book
And laying next to you after ***
Or something, right?

I study the sun setting on this world
A perfect daze where I rule
And fate never shone a laser at my forehead
I'll never pick up that cross again
Or drink that wine

This uhh this this
Uhhh
What was I saying

I'm too pretty to not be entitled
Tee hee
Give me your heart and your soul
Please let me fornicate
Just a little bit
I'll be quick and I'll only cry a little bit
No?
Okay understandable, have a nice day
Tee hee

Oi! Stop pussyfooting or whatever the expression is and get to work!
Aye captain!

Steam steam steam steam
Hummm
Bass noises
I have complete control over this ship
Ship ship shape
Shapes of ships and memories of melodies plus bizarre bazaars
I am the captain here
Look at me
Oi

I'm going to rest in a grave for a lil while
Ay captain
Your mother smells like horse radish and she's a *****
How's that for a good night
Now for animosity
Captain I need to leap into the sea, won't you let me
Please, we can fornicate for a lil bit before that
We can even
No?
Okay how ab ph
This? Unfinished? Never, everything is always by design and that's
138 · Jul 2024
A Backwards Poem
Sometimes words have two meanings.
So listen close because
The wide path leads to a cliff’s edge
But nobody ever told me
I could get away with being tempted
When I was younger, I thought
But now that I’m older, I do
Never thought I’d be on my knees for you
Accepting whatever you ask me to
I believe in
My complete destruction, my sins piling up
Wash away the faith I thought I had
This moment is all I need
I believe in you
I’m not afraid of going to hell anymore.
A bustle in your hedgerow. A hedgerow in your hedgerow. Bustle. Buss buss it baby
133 · Jun 2023
Nervous Ambivalence
How little we know of what there is to know
My head is filled with the aching hollowness of wanting
I know, I’ve always known that beauty doesn’t mean anything
Unless you can share it
Lying in your lap, like a thread in the golden light
The future is yours, and the present is mine,
And the present
Well, it's not all that it might be
The afternoon sun sets feebly, casting a nebulous glow
We bathe in ghostly shadows
And when the sun sinks, we open all the windows
Nothing on the hillside but a shiny bed of lights
Our hands touching, as we listen to music together
The fuzzy voices rattling the dust on the linoleum
We might just be okay together
Whispering I love you in nervous ambivalence
And telling each other about our *** dreams.
128 · Aug 2022
Prayer
thank You God hold my hand
while i sleep and misunderstand
thank You God i Love You
while i try to Love me too
thank You God don't go away
the sun hangs heavy on my face today
thank You God for making it rain
for giving us a little light and pain
for changing everything and causing us pain
thank You God for my being rock
if You changed i, might die of shock
thank You God, for food and shoes
thank You God, for helping me see
it's okay i'm imperfectly me
thank You God, for always being
without You what, would i be seeing
thank You God, for my daydreams
for wildflowers and sonic youth and cold machines
thank You God, for everything bad
and showing me there's good, in everything bad
thank You God, for perfection and beauty
and the beauty in imperfect rhymes
thank You God thank You God God thank You
thank You God for making everything/so funny i could die laughing at anything/thank
You i love You i love love love i You i Love You
i Love You I Love You I I I I Love
Thank You God Thank You Love God You Love Love Love
124 · Feb 2022
Wiedersehen
somewhere between always and never
in an abstract space like a dark tunnel
a mosquito buzzes low
you're leaned back on your pillow
blanket outstretched on the pale green
looking up at a sky with no stars
country music plays softly from your radio
but there's nothing to hear
you reach into your back pocket
and pull out a portrait of mona lisa
with gum catering to her face
and sticking to your painted fingernails
smoke drifts softly off the orchards and ambient conversations  
there's empty tension as you hear the clink
of the wine glasses being passed around
silvery flowers are shivering in the empty moonlight
you're having a daydream while someone's talking
i think you're dreaming about a crow
its tracing your movements while you're walking
stomping across wet plants and muddy grass
and puddles in the road in yellow raincoats and dyed hair
holding mushrooms and butterflies
these soft discussions that go nowhere
are a backdrop for black and white images that mean nothing
you could catch a handful of rain as it trickles down
like a drop sliding down the side of a cup
you could empty that handful of rainwater
spread it out on the grass like
coins and diamonds layered on a glass table
you could be intertwined with your lover on the blanket
letting your whispers tickle each others ears
while the music from the radio plays skeleton keys
and dead notes
soon, your arm resting across a lover's chest
will taste the stinging warmth of the sun
as it breaks the morning sky into a million parts
and then you'll have to deal with the lazy poetic
imagery of the new day
bees will hum against the dew coloured flowers
hazy orange heat melting into mirages
will reflect off car windows
and burn your feet on the inky black tar
and you'll have to stare at the hearts etched into legs
so to all the ceiling fans that stopped spinning a long time ago
your friends raise a glass and say
"hello never
how may i be of assistance
it seems to me you've lost something
i would like to help you find it"
the skies are darker than usual and the clouds are greyer
the sunlight is warmer and friendlier
the green is wet
words and dialogues are more abstract than ever.
plants are playing in the suburban boredom
the pool is sunburned

there's a ladybug on your leg.
say goodnight to it while you still have the chance.
these visions of Johana are all that remain
123 · Aug 2023
A love poem
Dishes on your counter
***** clothes in your room
Lock the door laughing
Thinking about mushrooms

Cameras and vinyl records
Screens glow in the dark
Walks together til sunset
Mirages in the park

Laying on your floor
Light passing through
We could shut the curtains
Watch cartoons til 2

Sipping hot chocolate
Car wash café blues
Ladder to infinity
Voice says, "Hand me screws"

Evening shadow ambiance
Voices talk in chorus
Birthday candle fellowships
Time won't wait for us

Born back unceasing
Waves crashing on sand
Who cares that love fleeting
Let me take you all by the hand
for a lot of different people
67 · Apr 23
Stupidly Happy
I am stupidly happy and don’t know why
It’s a quiet happiness, the kind I haven’t felt in years
The kind I forgot existed
The air is humid and the sky is grey and the rain is falling
And I must be wicked, or privileged, or stupid to be this happy
I must be selfish, delirious, solipsistic
I must be blind to everyone’s suffering

And anyway, I’m procrastinating studying for a test
While sitting alone in silence
I am nostalgic, sad, wistful, lonely
Cruel hurt misunderstood misunderstanding
And happy.
Stupidly happy.

I love you. Yes, you reading this.
You.
59 · Apr 23
Mystery
I see a monster sleeping against a tree
With seven heads and seven horns and a cursed name
I turn and I frown and the monster is me
And my daughter’s expression is always the same
Up on the stage everyone says she’s old for her age
well he laughed insane and quipped khalil gibran
neon bible
59 · Apr 23
Has Been Hotel
I stumble out the hotel bar, drunk on wine
The air is wet as I search for a place in the sun
Nembutal takes me from here to eternity
And Joe Strummer, my old enemy
Blares on the radio as I reach for my Kalashnakov
shoot his right profile

— The End —