half of my friends are in middle school
i wonder if im breaking a rule
16 with besties that are barely teens
but trust me
i have good reasoning
i never got to be 13
my memory is blocked
my brains way of erasing trauma
i’m living through these middle schoolers
trying to fill the gap
helping them make memories
i’ll never even have
i just want to make sure
that they don’t break like me
that they look back and feel happy about who they were
and not what they had to grow from

Single, stained, steel wall,
It holds me here,
Alone.
Only time seems to crawl,
As the air itself has died.


There is a knock at the door,
I will not answer.
Alone,
Red seeping into the floor,
I silently long to be free.


The door shakes,
I cannot answer.
Alone,
My heart aches,
To be free of this cage.


I hear it now,
The footsteps, the voice.
"Alone",
It whispers, mouth against my brow,
"That is how it always will be".


Someone stands over me, the door wide open.
I cannot do this,
Alone.
Though the door they have broken,
I now might be free.


The world starts to fade,
But I know now I am not
Alone.
The mind I thought was made,
Seems to shatter.


"Please don’t leave me,
I can't live without you,
Alone."
Their words set broken hope free,
But the scythe had claimed my soul

For them not taken sudden
By malfunction
Or malice
There seems to be
Some sort of acceptance
For most
Upon the approaches
As the world
Narrows down
From
What we call solid
To that we don't know
To nothing
Or back to
Some host.

Dear Dad,

I always tried to understand
Why you felt like no one held your hand

I tried to know why **** and alcohol
Became your refuge, your silent wall
And why you feared the noise and crowded places,
Maybe the world just held too many empty spaces.

I really tried and tried to see inside
But some things you decided to hide
Maybe life was just too hard
For your already broken heart

There were bright days, and there were dark
But your eyes always missed their spark
I asked you if you were oke
And you said: "Happiness never wanted to stay"

I'm mourning the person
I never became
The one who was normal
Who didn't carry all the blame

My younger self would dream
Of many friends and happiness
But all I am now
Is a lump of unsteadiness

I'm mourning the idea
Of the person I would have liked to be
The one that could have been me
The one
That isn't

I never became someone
My younger self wished to be
Saw the things she wanted to see
Instead I feel all this pain constantly

Is that what she survived for?
She did not survive for me to be miserable
She survived for more
She survived for someone
I never became

Let's praise Him in the morning.
Let's praise Him in the night.
Let's praise Him when we low.
Let's praise Him when we high.
Let's praise Him in the good times.
Let's praise Him in the bad.
Let's praise Him because He has made us.
And this is our all.
Let's praise Him.

I didn’t understand my beauty inside
so I cried such fountains from my eyes
nobody knows about my thoughts
And the scars on my body
from the people who taunt
I could only cope with the relief
With all my surrounding grief
It’s hard to stop once I’d begun
Although it hurts more knowing what I’d done
Nobody understands so they just shout
That makes me feel worthless, about myself with doubt
What will make them listen?
Without a fight
After all it saves me another malicious ****** night
So this poem is ending
I need to find an alternative
From the sharp tools across my skin
And hopefully I will find my beauty within

Why do I feel so separated from life, so separated from myself, my soul?

I feel like I'm alone, yet surrounded.

What is this feeling of sorrow, the feeling of water in my eyes?

Why do I feel so guilty, for living?

I feel as if I'm separating, from everything and one.

In this life, as if there is something wrong.

Because so far, we have all been broken and separated.

Yet I don't want that for us, I want you to stay.

So please stay and, don't separate from me.