can i give thanks
any impossible way
for wholly grace?

You, whose soul
beats in every heart
in every poem

futile words flail
their feeble reach
to grasp your beauty

a simple man
whose simple thought
cannot encompass Your All;

i am alive
because Spirit of Life
breathes within me

may that simple life
be fully spent
exalting Your glory.

you are literally haunting me tonight
this is a strange dream
and I don't know if it is the alcohol

you are also there
why are you in my dreams?
I have not felt you in a long time

there are these others that give me butterflies

i go to high school
the love of my life and I are together
he is here too

flashback
we are crying
flashback
I am on his lap and he is singing in my ear
flashback
he grabs my wrist too hard this time
flash back
I wake up with a smile hearing him in the shower
flashback
my mouth is awoken with kissing and tickles
flashback
he is crying and I don't know why
GOD PLEASE I'LL BELIVE FOR HIM
he cannot stop
sit down babe sit down
his eyes are so red
like blood

I don't want to cry
I need to be strong like always
I am a Stamm
I am STRONG

he is falling around
God help me please
what is happening to his brain

flash forward
the next morning

you didn't talk about it
you didn't want to
just Xanax

I have this dream
where you won't stop crying
and you won't tell me why
I am just trying to be ******* strong ******* it!! I LOVE YOU!! LOOK AT ME!! SHOULD I CALL AN AMBULANCE?! PLEASE BABE I AM SO SCAred.
Please
babe. Look at me why are you crying.
'whispers'
       please babe just tell me why are you crying
please it's ok it's ok please it's ok it's ok


my tears fall down the dark nape of your neck and your large head is cradled in my arms
I sat on his lap
but I cradled his 200lb body with the 150lbs I had
he shook and it used to wake me up at night
he would get the shivers
and I was so afraid he would "be like a cup, spilling over with just a touch"
I found out that day that love can really hurt
I found out that day I was in love...


flash forward
I've been taking benzos the past week
it amazes me how I feel so much relief
when even a piece of anxiety
flutters
like a moth off my neck

then they wear off
and I hate my true feeling

who knows how many I've taken
blacking out is my trend again

i am going to go to sleep now
please stay away

I only cry about you once a week now!!!
Once a week Justice!!
If you could read this I think you would be proud of me.
I hope one day when we are older we can talk like we weren't lovers.

I am sorry I touched your face Justice.
That was very immature.
I guess the best thing to say, is when someone is passionate.... When someone truly would put their life on the line for a person, in this case two people... And they do something that would normally hurt her....

I wanted to **** myself.... ok?
I thought I mattered to only two people
and it turned out I didn't.
I have never been so broken in my entire life.

Not as broken all of the neglect and mental abuse from an alcoholic father,
from being kicked out of my own house at 18,
having a mother who called me fat since I was 11,
not from having a boyfriend who hit me when I was 15,
worse than hiding my cut marks with silly bands in middle school ,
no you know I was broken by something else.

The love of my life and the best friend of my life going behind my back and being together.

My "future husband" hah
and my maid of "honor".      ****

But I fought through everything
through the cutting
the binge drinking
******* to feel something ANYTHING
requesting rough ***
starving myself
going through a car accident
I made it back.


Without the help of you two.

Now I work with kids 4 days a week, I am Ms.Shauna Mon - Wednesday for 2,3,4, and 5th graders, and on Thursday's I am Coach Stamm. I empower young girls to love who they are and to be healthy and to stomp any bad feeling about themselves with every stride in every cross country run.

So


Please leave me alone.
Figure all of your ****** **** up now
I'll do the same to you.
please please for my mental state

I'll describe it to you
Slow
Scrolled comforter
Warm sheets
Pillows
His skin
Silk against my own
Caramel, sweet on the tongue
Licking my lips as I write
I can still taste him
We were in it
Lost in our own little world
Thrusts and moans
Darkness
Scented candlelight
No words
And then, it began to explode
From black, to Red, to blur
His face never far from my own
Hand on my throat
Choke
And then
A kiss
Different and slow
Hard yet tender
A bite, a lick
Lost in that kiss
The rhythm changed
He pressed his forehead to mine
Eye to eye
Nose grazing nose
Slow
Every second slow
Every moment connecting
Soul
He said it all
Without saying a word
Every motion
Screamed out
Love
Every swirl
A letter of his name
Etched with every sigh
Deeper and deeper
Embedded in my heart
And there I lay
Gasping
Trying not to cry
Realizing why
The old saying goes
Love hurts
It's true you know
It destroys you
In the most beautiful way
And so there I lay
Destroyed
Alive
In Love

And so I can write....
I Lived ..... Once...
One day....One midnight...
Before I died.....
His ❤

©MV

Stop and listen... do you hear that?
The silent thoughts and broken spirits.
The mind running on low fuel,
The heart still not whole.

Do you hear the voices calling out?
Calling your name,
Pulling you down,
Dragging you beneath the surface.

Whispers of the wind,
Voices in the night,
Darkness overcoming,
Stop and listen.

Wake up from this nightmare,
Try to run away,
Try but don't succeed,
Stuck in this hell.

Voices screaming at you,
Shadows growing larger,
Darkness consuming you whole,
Just wake up!!!

Even
So as
Ardent leaves
Shall a day
In the coming be melt
Outrightly of its crisp
By the burns of the fitful rays
And be plunge gray thereof
To splinter its debris to the dust

Or

Even
So as
Gold glitters
On the alchemy
Of the finest platinum
And shall beguile treasures
But
Then
The flicks of time
Shall come and gratify pale its sight
And quench all allures

Yet
As so
All these lushness
Might parch and be not anymore
I tell you most frankly
The steam of our friendship
Shall be not likewise
Neither
Will their end be ours

Even
When
The sun
Be gloom
And the years sleep blind ever
Shall our bonds
Illuminate the world
The perpertuality we holds

This I say
                And this I lay


Happy Birthday Evelyn Baining
Much Love,Long Life Happiness

What I say,And Lay

©Historian E.Lexano

Loving you
Is like
Walking on
A bridge
With every
Piece of wood
Falling
After my
Every step;
There is no
Turning back.

Rude and rotten
that's what they are
with their bigoted messages
the worst kind by far

Seldom respectful
to the people they meet
destroying their mood
but not on the street

It's here on the internet
and not face to face
where they act as the tough guy
feeling perfectly safe

Anonymity that's cool
avatars they're great
and what they give to the bullies
is a place to practice their hate

what goes in will come out
its what was in there to begin with
holds the most surprises