feels like putting my hand
on something sharp kinda day
invincible temporary, of course
fight the system on a february dawn

where the lamp's lambent spheres
bob in and out of existence
as the sunshine overcomes their presence

first kiss with you, like hands
dancing in the fires
trying to stay warm in the winter light
an ogre of a dream, a curse to be this shadow

compared to the glow of an angel like you

Mistakes are teachers
Life lessons learned
Unseen doors opened
From bridges burned

Allies turn enemies
Friends become foe
Death do us parts
Now have knives in tow

Brown eyes on faces 
Green with envy within
Bestowed the smallest of power
True colors now show


Virtue is earned
Loyalty shines bright
When you're the lowest
Stalwarts join the fight

Brutus now exposed
Healing has began
The ides failed in their treachery
Adversity defines the man

Now rise, rise up
From the ashes of hate
Your future has just started
With happiness it's never too late

Old habits of another life,
Constantly creep in
Polluting my soul with its strife

Do I deserve love? Am I worthy?
These questions that forever haunt me
Feeling numb has no judge, has no query

An emotionally joust within my own mind
To open my heart
I must step away from
These walls I hide behind

There is a comfort in loneliness
A sanctuary from feeling
Where time is of no consequence
No desire to smile or take a chance
Never wanting to laugh or dance

But existing without living
Isn't living at all
To never risk being hurt or taking a fall

Risk, reward is an equation that's answer is steep
Balancing protecting your feelings over the treasures you may reap

These are the demons I face everyday
And the constant fight not to drink them away

The battle is both inside and out
Ulcers and anguish are it's trophies
Time to put down the bottle
And face life like a man
Not with shots of tequila and pulls from a can

Time to plunge into the unknown of what could be
Embrace the love that's in front of me
Free fall backwards into her radiant clutches
Stand on my feet without  inebriated
crutches

Destiny is determined
There'll be no eternal bliss
Fate was sealed with it's fatal kiss

No longer thinking for yourself
Letting it's calling
Be your compass

Surrendering your mental fortitude
Allowed it to be broken down
From a constitutional latitude

Diagnosed as terminal
Malignant raging attitude
Againgst all humanity
Expressed in displays of moral turpitude

Hope's light is fading
Darkness moving in
The battle is waged daily
Never seen but alone
The screams are empty
From a voice without sound
For this battle is my own

I wore a smile
To cover the stain
Swam in the bottle
To ease the pain

Quick with a quip
Ready with a joke
My anguish never passing from my lip
Levity my cloak

Smiles became heavy
Strains bled thru
In the mirror a shell
Of a man I once knew

The light house has gone dark
No guide in this storm
Acts once unheard of
Now are the norm

Where is my savior
The light to lead my way
Where is my Angel
To lift this endless night
And resurrect the day

This hole ,this hole of woe,
My heart brakes and keeps breaking,
For the piece that was stole,
Life takes and keeps taking

Lessons that remained to be taught,
From a life taken to soon,
Respect for the courage of the fight that you fought,
Teaching mortality we are not immune

Song plays on the radio,
Movie comes on the t.v.,
You're always in my ears,
In everything I see

My spiritual reminder,
Steering me on my path,
In essence as in flesh,
When I'm feeling lost,
You have been my finder

So I search my soul,
Looking for life's answer,
I see your smirk,that funny face,
With a tear I can't help but smile,
Knowing you're up above,
Protecting me all the while

I am a work in progress
Sometimes every step forward
I counter with two in regress

My insecurities come out
At my weakest times
When I feel trapped, insulted
Blindsided by my own reactions
They never show any signs

Assess before replying
I need to step back, take a breath
Instead of lashing, and yelling,
Giving stares of death

I am surrounded by great supports
Those that forgive my weaknesses
Pick me back up when I've tripped over my own landmines

To them I'm eternally thankful
Their kindness I can never repay

I am a work in progress
Doing my best to make them
And myself proud of me everyday