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Sub Rosa Mar 2013
I climbed the rotted staircase
into the blackest part
of my brain
where a fridgid silent room
awaits a tenant
patient, and strong
enough to live with
it’s secrets
it's burdens
heavy as the
Earth.
.
I gave you the key
and my faith
” It’s going to be tough.”
” I can handle it.”
You were so sure.
But I knew I would
destroy you
in the end.
.
I wondered about you
up there,
alone with my
raw, unpolished thoughts.
Sometimes I cried,
knowing that I was hurting you.
All my painful words
and horrors
came to live with you
in the dark room.
.
I can feel your screams.
They reverberate through
my body
to this day.
.
Grief swallowed me,
and shoved me up the stairs
where blood spilled over
the steps
and pooled at my feet,
icy, and thick as tar.
” Go see,”
” Go see what you have done.”
Grief whispered.
.
I already knew.
You said you could fix me
repair my mangled
memories.
I didn't believe you.
In the dark room
I saw you sit on the
window sill,
while my demons played
at your feet.
You reasoned with
the glass.
.
I saw you open the latch.
I saw you let go.
you fell.
Ifel alongside you.
Deeper into my
warped little mind
where I buried myself in
guilt.
.
It was my undoing
that left you
to rot
in my
darkness.
.
Sub Rosa Mar 2013
11:11
Cynical and insecure
praying for miracles
since I was a girl.
Every shooting star,
Every birthday candle
all those nights
11:11
Dandelions
Tossing fortunes into wells.

Its all *******.

A wish is a word
hollow
full of false hope
and broken hearts and wings

we waste our breath
and dream
in vain
rise among galaxies
and crash back down
Just like the falling stars
we wished upon
we die
and
fall

and that is the end.
Sub Rosa Feb 2013
Just like you,
I get lonely too.
Sub Rosa Feb 2013
I'm getting drunk on lemonade and TV reruns
Watching my cell phone for texts
from people I pretend to like

Staring at the moon
praying one day it might shatter
a thousand shards of stolen light
cutting into my palms.

This has become my life
I sit at home and loathe my day-to-day
but once in a while
I get that little pinch

the twist in my gut that shoves me onward
on towards new ideas
towards new love.

Thats why I am here
Im waiting
Waiting for mystery
a grand adventure

Im waiting for death
Sub Rosa Feb 2013
We rust and crumble
inside our
skin.
Passions and fires,
concealed
within.
Our bodies grow older,
Our hearts grow colder,
Whipped by a world
of scorn
and sin.
Sub Rosa Feb 2013
I must write a poem
symphony of synonyms
hurricane of hyperboles
mobocracy of metaphors

floodgates in my fingers
obstruct my insanity.
No monsoon of carefully selected
adjectives, nouns, verbs
storming blank parchment
running ink stores dry.

Instead I simply gawk
at the word-worthy world.
Write poems on the seams of my skin
and under my eyelids.

Engrave the secrets of my crux
in the stem of my brain.

Cut out my own tongue.
Useless in formation of my phrases,
they are inconceivable
to modern man.

You'll never see my madness untill you examine my insides
cut me open, unravel the mystery in my cold blood,
Find me dead and read my lips.
they will be stuck in a
morbid *smile

— The End —