Under the dead oak
Where dead hands reach from the roots
To grab at my legs as I stare up
Into the pallid luminance of the goddess moon.

I wonder if my time should come,
Would I spill all my secrets?
Would these outstretched fingers be calling out to the stars
Receive me as my soul flew from the scars
And saw me off into the distant distance
Would heaven be so hard to achieve?

Well, I’ve spent all my years,
Coming back to this retreat,
Umbral canopies hide my escape
As I write for days about the last one
Because the last one I thought was the one
And in all these moments I’ve -
Grown to know that I’m
Not very certain of certainty, no.

I want to know before I go
Off into the ephemeral ether
Was I ever the one you chose?

As the curtains begin to fall
And the stage starts to fold,
May I find courage,
If I could be so bold,
Reaching the pallid luminance
With arms outstretched by the root
I’ve barked so loud at the moon.

Touched by the light of grace,
Hoping these limbs shape the form of your face
Could you be the one?

Is it in your chemistry?
I wonder as I’m choking down
Tears scorching my throat like an acid rain
Hoping to bleach your name from my recesses
Built a bridge past the swap of your defenses
Tried to massage your heart without pretenses
But you burn me down.

Do you feel anything when you immolate
Everything sets you off like a hair trigger,
Bear trap my mind and clamp down while you drill deeper
Pour in your toxicity like a waste dump
And set it all on fire.
I’ll be the embers to dance at your command.
Ashes drifting like autumn leaves
Snow down in a distance like a winter dream.

Is it in our chemistry?
Do I excite you to ignition
Gods envy the way our bodies friction
But you believe the fiction,
So I’ll weep for an ending,
Burning my nerves as the acid’s etching.
Retching flames like an allergic fire eater
Your conflagration rings around me.

Are you the pallid horseman
Can I be the one to the blow the horn?
I’m weary and ready for an ending
And you burn me like white phosphorus .
Can we mix and tether,
One day coalesce
Solvent in your trepidation
Waters deeper than the ocean.

Is it in your chemistry?

Would it be enough,
If the wind between us was but a breath apart
And I could smell your perfume as clear as
An ocean breeze upon a private beach?

Could you feel content
If our tender hungry lips
Finally collided like warring ships
Tongues twisting like Kraken tendrils
A war on two fronts until it hit a crescendo —
Of panted breaths and red heated flesh
Left feeling needy?

I am restless with intent
Intended to undress your tension
In kneading palms against knots that know not —
The ways I work magic in sculpting fingers.

So sh, silence those eyes
And lower that protesting volume
I know it’s been a while,
But I will love you like a fairytale
And you can tell me what you want in the ever after.

Through the shine of the window
As the sun teases the flesh of her hero,
She stretches upon the mattress,
Annoys him with her lapped kiss
All across the face, begging him to rise.

Here at her bowl,
She wags and waits for his control
As he gets, a scoop full of her favorite yummies,
How she salivates drools with an ache in her tummy
My girl, she devours within moments
And then she sits, waiting for the moment
I submit, those doe eyes looking up at me

We go, the backyard retreat.
She gives her red flying disc
And I throw to the distance, hitting the fence
She runs with a thunderous speed
And we repeat until we both take a tiresome seat
And through her panting and unrelenting breaths
I see her smile and know I am loved,
By my most precious pet.

Over my head
With the weight of your sharp words
I feel like Damocles
As the sword is slightly swinging.

Would it **** you to miss me,
When I disappear into a shroud of my own fear?

Sound echoes through galleys
Filling the silence between us
Like tethering the lines that we drew.

Just lead me to water,
Let the waves surround me
I wish to drown in the deep.

Over my head,
With all of your sharp words
I feel like Damocles.

Let the sword fall
And knight me, nightly
As the dark calls
And I whisper back in my dreams.

Let the waves come,
Swallow me under,
I am drowning again
Deeper in black depths.

It won’t **** you to miss me,
When I return to you again.

Caught in the moon's dead white gaze
I’ve paid my dues.in kind,
To be sent off in this black parade.

Come now, swing wide those gates
A myriad of colors drained in white bouquets

Should the rain come,
Wash over the lye stone, erode my face
I’ve cried into the pulpit of my maker’s feet
To weigh my sins against my deeds.

Walk into this hallowed empty
Gray billowing fog upends me
Lost wanders scream but it’s deafening
Can’t hear the sound of their pallid fingers scratching.

Madness incurable—
Dead eyes mercurial
Set upon dim light,
But the veil from here to there is impervious
Birth me like a newborn
Walls clamping breaking my new form.

I’m drifting further out to sea,
In an endless ocean walled off in opaque white
No horizons to warn me of the fall,
The long way down,
Where the magma ravines wait to strip my flesh
Naked and razed, undeterred but afraid
Will I ever see you again?

Let the rain fall,
Impervious skin along the casket door
My claustrophobic bed
Final in my rest.

Behold this sand of time
As the shores of despair
Roll in to sneak it into the depths
Dark is the abyss of a sleepless dream
Where madness is one name away

Dare you speak it

Cthulhu

Wrap me in your endless tendril maw,
Devour soul from flesh
And discard the pickled husk
Let me fade away in shadow
To see your grace,
O’ Old one

Spread madness in a holy word
Eviscerate this world —
Feed it to the void and all its twilit chaos

And then I wake —
Somewhere between a dream and a distant realm
I will come as a herald,
To ring the end of timelines
To bind my mind to singularity.

My fate is my own,
Under the huntress moon,
Into the valiant sun,
‘Cross the diamond caves of night
And the blue oceans of day
I will not be misled.

It feels like I’m being picked clean
When the eagle pecks my innards
Always looking inward, where do I begin?

If you had the wood
And I gave the stone
Would you strike me to see if you make fire?

If I showed you how to grow
Let the maize grow even higher
Would you provide the fruits
If i began to expire?

****** if I do,
Or ****** if I don’t
Just wanted to lift you a little bit higher
See Olympus on high
As the gods pass us by,
Give you the means for all you could desire.

Feels like a lightning bolt struck my soul
A static shock to jolt my mind
I’m trying to piece through a puzzle
But the square pegs won’t fit in the round holes.

(Save me)
I’m giving up as the tide comes
Hope Poseidon brought his pitch fork
(I’m done)
Ready to find a reason to give you reason
(Only wanted you to know)
Everything magic is practical if you practice.

Feels like I’m being picked clean,
This eagle is pecking at my innards
Always looking inward, wish I was as wise as Damocles.

I’d cut you out
Toss you to the starving wolves
Let them pick apart your lumbering mass
But even under your mask
You’re insignificant at best.

Leave you to your own
Let you fester despite your growth
Because no matter what you do,
In eyes that stare back at you
In all that you stir and stew
With propaganda songs,
And protesting vigils;
Assembly halls full of sycophants.
When the lights go out,
You’re all alone.

No you see the truth is:

All that you are,
And could ever be,
Is benign.

Maybe I am ugly,
It’s a fair point.

I’m not nearly as handsome,
After giving up the ghost on my hair,
After years of abuse to my joints,
The combat sports and bruises,
Broken bones, contusions.
Scars and reconstructions.

Maybe I’m not a particularly pretty packaged cup of tea,
But I’m plenty strong,
Built ford tough and could run through you Like a Ram.
I’m olive toned marble
With a slick tongue.

I am endowed in ways Aphrodite blushes
And taught just as well how to wield its power
I need not look like vin diesel
To know that I am furious and rarely fast.

I’m not an ogre
Or an incel
Ungrateful for life
Or stuck inside my own shell,
I’m half Sicilian and proud,
Part Mexican with a dah of Irish,
Green eyed, and hot tempered
Black belt, and fists of fury
Gun lover , and whiskey shooter.

I’m an artist,
Photographer for funsies
Love to camp, hike weekly
And I earn plenty of monies,
Clicking on a keyboard,
Penetrating weaknesses ,
Like chess boards
While coaching my underlings
New pawns I push forward.

So yeah,
Maybe I’m ugly,
But what I have in spades
Is the fact that when you call my name
It’s a statement of fact
I’m more man than most claim to be,
And I don’t try to dominate
It’s what’s bred within me

Vestigial fragrances spill into the taste of her fruit
I’m wandering like Alice through your wonderland
Tickling wisps of her hair brushing through my skin like gossamer
I’m swimming in pools of ethereal waters
Wading the waves to crash upon her needy shore.

Halcyon hours spent in serendipity
Her voice rang like seraphic honey
Sweet like candy, I’ve grown a sweet tooth
Iridescent colors slick her opening and I can taste a rainbow.

Evanescent moments caught entwined
Our bodies converse like old friends,
Talking with a reverence for past times
Post tide, in landslides
Where we collide and collapse
Mouth dried, lungs spent
Chasing breath in the wilderness of our love.

She speaks to me in crepuscular displays
Diamonds in the black of her eyes.
As the rain poured down,
I kissed away the saline,
And breathed in her petrichor delight.

Don’t wake me —
I’m down in the rabbit hole
Further down I go,
Lost in her like a lingering madness.
Curiouser and curiouser.

A. Euclidian

I’ve been a lantern to light your dark days
Tried to unlock those purgatory closed-doors
Torch inside a foggy two-lane highway
So you didn’t run off course.

Just give me back,
15 years of this oneway relay
No answer back just hearing my echoes
I wouldn't have shown all my secrets
Could have kept all my flaws.

I hope to god, one day you read this,
See what I’ve spilled through a torrent of sequence
Leave it all like some ancient bygone,
A faded face on a discarded farthing.

I’d do anything just to come up for air
But I swear, even when I fall deeper
It feels like I’m choking.

Piece it like a jigsaw
Place me on a shelf with all that’s forgotten
Don’t mind the sneeze, it’s just the dust.
I won’t bother you with these dead-eye stares
Wondering if you ever read a thing or understood what was there.

Run it back to what I used to die for
Anima hanging on an unkept tree floor
Under these dead oak canopies
Waiting for sapphire eyes to rescue me.

It was always love
That hill I’d die on
And now that the sword’s been pulled
What could I lie upon?

I’d do anything just to come up for air
But I swear, even when I fall deeper
It feels like I’m choking…

B. Bleeding Ink

Is it taboo—
When I grab this pen
And go deep into the dermis
I let the vampire drink from me again?

It feels like a tattoo—
When the blood hits the blue
And I’m etching my life in lines.

Permanent like these scars
Are they just wounds that forgot to heal?

Is it taboo—
When I let the tears fall
I painted with red mixed in.

It feels like a tattoo—
When the canvas of these words
Is what resides in my skin.

C. The End Complete

Impeach the day,
Retreat tonight
Scurry to the shadows
Swim into the shallow
I’m drowning again.

My mind divides,
As the past repeats
Memories on an endless loop
Still so far, further from finding the truth.

There was a magic,
That stole the sun that shined
And the moon was a beauty
I thought I could leave behind.

But all these arms clawing from their coffins
Reaching up like the needy for open coffers
Hoping I feed them a line to stop their deep hurt
But if I may, show the ink on the page
It’s paid in blood and my rent is due.

Impeach the day,
I want to retreat tonight
Scurry back in my shadow,
Swimming in the shallow
Why does it always feel like I’m drowning?


I hope to god, one day you read this,
See what I’ve spilled through a torrent of sequence
Leave it all like some ancient bygone,
A faded face on a discarded farthing.

It feels like a tattoo—
When the blood hits the blue
And I’m etching my life in lines.

Permanent like these scars
Are they just wounds that forgot to heal?

Sorry, I couldn’t answer the phone —
I just have to leave this part of me behind.

You, yes you
The one always seeking my validation
I deny your application with a simple snide smile
And let you know with snark reverence
That you think that you’re relevant
But you mistake not giving a **** for passiveness
Truth be told, I bide my time,
One sunshine at a time in my backyard with my pup,
Just us and my peace of mind.

So if being pugnacious makes you validated
Let you forever fire salvos over my iron dome
And know that when you come a knocking’
There’s nobody left at home,
Because I’ve already moved on and into the next frame
Where life for me is but a shade of happiness you could never afford in shade,
I leave you here with pittance, rot, and shame
Argue with ghosts that haunt you, but the mirror holds the truth to blame.

Like a whale moaning with an open maw
I can hear it bounce off the walls—
The slight of your meandering voice
Sounds like shrill shrieks annoying glass
Fracturing thought.

So you dress like a yenta,
You sip on your tea,
Only to spill from the pitcher
In your dealings with me.

Gather like little leeches.
Tiny little parasites,
Sharing their intellect
A hive mine scuttlebutt
But truth eludes like a saline
Filled with antibiotics that cure them
Flushing from the shores of reality
Back in their rumor mill.

Like a whale moaning with an open maw
And I have the spear.

It’s getting louder in the silence
And even harder to breathe,
My heart wretches with a hunger
And I’m desperate to feed.

It should have been so easy,
Growing life from a seed,
Watching you grow where I could never follow
Has taken its toll.

Scars are etched upon my soul,
Lesions pressed against the brain,
I don’t even dream any more,
The day they took you from me
Was the day everything changed.

It feels like I’m lost at sea,
Floating on wishful hope
And tree bark memory,
As the pine sticks through my flesh
Back riddled with all their blades
I’m bled out to feel these sharks
Of my doubts encircle me.

What could have been,
Had I known then,
How to be a better man,
Instead I—
Feel the weight of burden
Anchor me to this boulder
Where carrion comes to pick me clean.

It’s getting louder in the silence
Desperation in the form of a plead
Seethed through every exhale
When it’s the loss of you I breathe.

Lost like a poltergeist in purgatory
Shuffling in this flesh husk like a zombie,
Loveless, I can’t , feel you
Loveless, I can’t , feel anything at all.

It should have been me,
And I want you to know,
If I could trade places,
I’d rot in the earth,
Faded like paper pulp after the rain,
Scatter my ashes into the sea,
And watch as the sharks of my doubts
Encircle me.

Bereft breaths
Under the canopy
Of this old one
Bark covered shade watches over me
Like a blanket of shadow
A sea of hands holding onto
But all I hear is echoes,
Ringing through this hallowed
Hollow hole you left to hide me.

If only I could get up,
Stand on weighted feet
To press forward shield steadying me
Hoping this could be my retreat
Vacancy for one and I rest my head sojourn .

I’m searching, some where past the distance
Foreclosing on my ramparts
Fault line fissures crackle,
Open ripples in the deep cuts
Repair or compensate for failures
Regrets creep and blur vision.