I'm thinking of you...
And I don't know what to do...
I want to start a conversation...
But I can't get myself into action...
I keep wondering, what happened between us?
What is making a fuss?
Shall everything heal?
Or is it a too big deal?
Shall everything stay dull and dark?
Or will everything turn to life with a big spark?
Shall I keep on feeling hurt everytime I hear your name?
Shall everything stay the same?
I wonder what is happening to me...
This is not the person I want to be...
Why am I so quickly upset and emotional?
It's not good of me at all...
But what am I supposed to do?
Why am I talking to you?

Why is my family about to crumble apart...
One wrong move and everything goes back to the start...
Why doesn't anyone seem to learn out of their mistakes?
Are they going to listen after earthquakes?
Maybe even that won't help at all...
And I must sit and watch how they fall...
I can't help them, no matter how hard I try...
They will just take away what I love and make me cry...

Now I'm here...
Maybe in the wrong gear...
I don't know what to do...
So now I'm just writing this rhyme to you...
I completely understand and I see...
You don't need to talk to me...
I'm just sad...
And I make people mad...

I've been closing my eyes very frequently the last few weeks...
I try to keep the tears from rolling over my cheeks...
But they keep falling...
I don't want to be seen crying...
The world inside the walls I've built is safer than outside...
Some people might mind that I hide...
But somehow I don't care...
Life is just not fair...
Love has somehow become a lot smaller...
And sorrow grown much taller...
Sometimes I burst with happiness...
But then not long after, I am surrounded by sadness....
I must teach myself how to love my family again....
I've no idea when....
But I do know that I will be alright....
Someday I'll stare at all the starlight....
With my favorite human by my side...
And we'll just listen to the sounds of the tide...

I sadly can't keep these items anymore...
Here is the key to your heart's door...
And your token of love that you have to hold tight...
Just remember that I'm thinking of you every night...
And I still miss you too...
If you want a rhyme you can always ask me to make one for you...
If you need a shoulder to lean on, I'm here...
Never be scared and never fear...
I'm praying for you, Gabriel...
And I believe everything will go well...

Sounds become unclear...
And I don't know what I hear...
My vision becomes blurred as I fall...
I don't even feel how I hit a wall...
The world goes black and I'm out...
I try so hard to shout...
But nothing of me wants to move or listen to my commands...
After an unknown amount of time, I wake up and look at my hands...
I hold a book I've never seen before...
Then, I hear the sound of a creaking door...
I look around me to find that I'm not where I fell...
It's not a cage and not a room, but a cell...
But, strangely, I find no door and no entrance of any kind...
A table, a chair, is all I find...
A blanket over me, so I'm not cold...
My attention returns to the book I still hold...
Its title reads "Journal 1."
I open it and I start reading till I'm done...
Short, thin, and small...
I quickly read it all...
A boy that lost the things he cared about...
How he tried but got thrown out...
Lonely and cold, he was left to die...
But he stood up once more to try...
He was looked down upon and laughed at...
But he refused to give up, no matter what...
He successfully became rich and wealthy...
He no longer belonged under the poor and filthy...
The story ends where he saves a girl from being attacked and killed...
People wanted her tongue to be stilled...
But he took her away to a safe place...
So the other don't have any clue or trace...
I turn the last page to find a key...
A note tied to it addressed to me...
"Dear Rain. Sorry for taking you away without warning."
"Please ask if you need anything."
"The latch is under the chair."
"Please watch out and take care."
I climb off and look under the chair...
And I find the latch there...
I open it with the key...
But underneath there is only darkness to see...

Hi, dear Gabriel...
There is so much to say and tell...
But, still, I've nothing coming out of my mouth...
I wonder if this is part of my growth?
Without you, I'm incredibly lonely and lack colors...
Even though I'm surrounded by others...
People are everywhere around...
But you don't hear me making any sound...
Maybe I join a conversation here and there...
But do you notice at whom I stare?
Do you see who's eyes I avoid and search at the same time?
Do you realize how high, for you, I'll climb?
I might, smile, grin, laugh...
My skin might look very tough...
If you know what to say...
I'll quickly run away...
Don't you know how I feel?
Do you believe that what I once said is real?
Is it I you were meant to find?
Can you read my mind?
Don't you know that I don't compare your strength to that of other guys?
Do you see words written in my eyes?
Is it true that you love me still?
Can you tell me what is your will?
What are your dreams?
Tell me your favorite memories until your heart gleams...

I wish I could let my tears fall in the sea...
I wish Gabriel could hug me...
I wish I could run far away...
I wish there was a horse farm where I could stay...
I wish I could sing my thoughts to the moon...
But I know that nothing of that will happen soon...
The days keep dragging on slowly...
And I don't feel less lonely...
My heart is lost...
But it is Gabriel I miss the most...
Why does it hurt me so?
What am I supposed to do and where am I supposed to go?
I've lost interest in a lot of things...
All I want is my own two wings...
I want to fly away so the hurt will be left behind...
But I know it will always stay in my mind...
I feel like asking Gabriel if he's okay...
But I've no idea what he'll say...
I want to talk to him...
But my heart is too dim...
Like the song says: I'm faded, so lost, I'm faded...
It's better than hated...
But it's still painful...
God has made my life less dull...
He's my only rock...
Luckily, He'll stay no matter how big the shock...

The sky is broken...
I'm holding his love token...
And as I look up into the starry sky...
The wind makes my tears go dry...
The waves join the dance...
And, again, the moon reveals my second chance...
I take a deep breath of cold air...
And suddenly I'm elsewhere...
Back in time, when I still had him by my side...
Before all my joy died...
I remember his smile that made everything right...
But, then, I remember I won't see it tonight...
I open my eyes again to gaze upon the lake...
Shock by shock, my shoulders shake...
My eyes are caught by the moon once more...
And for the thousandth time, I see an open door...
My heart lays broken within...
But from the darkness, I will win...
The pain is heavy to hold...
The once beating heart has turned to stone and is cold...
He might be gone right now...
I just need to get to him, but how...?
The past is the past and so it will stay...
It can't change or go away...
The future is what we must focus on...
Before it is present and then gone...
I look into the deep blue beneath...
And suddenly, I don't feel fear's teeth...
I get up and just stand there for a while...
Wild running questions heap up into a pile...
Then, I feel a warm breath from behind.....
And possibilities flash through my mind...
A creak of wood and a hand through my hair...
I turn around, and in his smile I stare...
He takes me in his protective arms...
And suddenly my heart warms...
My sobs rise up and my tears fall down...
My happiness is greater than shown...
After a while, I become calm and start asking...
But he puts his finger on my lips and stops me from talking...
"I wish it was different but this is my goodbye...."
I am speechless for a while but answer "Why?"
He starts shaking his head as his face shows he's in pain too...
He whispers "I love you..."
Then, he fades away...
And I wake up to find it's day...

Time has passed...
Today has come so fast...
And yet so slow...
Just the speed that plants grow...

I've not been able to talk to you...
All this time, I've been stuck on what to do...
There has been a stupid error...
The help team doesn't answer...
Maybe I should call them this time?
Will they help me undo this crime?
Of staying silent to you...
Honestly, I don't know what to do...

So now, I write again here...
Stating everything clear...
Because it's your birthday...
And I just wanna say...
I'm so glad I could've met you...
You were not just a person I listened to...
You were a good friend to me...
Forever you'll be...
One of the sweetest persons out there...
Kind, patient, understanding, you care...
I hope and pray that you have a good day...
That you are smiling all the way...

It bothers me about every day or more...
I can't chat with you like before...
I couldn't even check the message you sent on my birthday...
I only saw that you sent something on that day...
And I appreciate you for that...
Don't think I've forgotten it...

I still love you as a friend...
Believe me, this is not the end...