My mind tells me I deserve to bleed
That it’s okay that it hurts like hell
That it’s good that the blood won’t stop
Because the blood is mine
The blood is of the person who messed up in conversation
The blood is of the one who’s eyes are devastatingly like her father’s
Of the person who got to school 4 minutes late
And for the one who just sat there class while she knew that there was someone somewhere in pain
For the one who wasn’t there to help them

But my mind also asks me
If my blood is the same
as the three year old who’d play
with napkins and pens
Because creative and strange
Is far better
Than bored and average

My mind asks
If the skin that I tear open
Is the same skin
That the 7 year old’s tears poured down on
Because she was starting to understand
That her father’s behavior was not normal

And even though that ******* that is my head told me to my face
That I am unlovable
And that I deserve to bleed
It somehow had the nerve
To make me feel guilty for yet another thing

It told me I was hurting
the little girl who already
Was struggling

And it told me I was hurting
the grandma with grandkids on her lap
Of whom I’m threatening
Deprivation of snuggling

My mind said
That by doing that
I deserved to bleed and suffer even more

And as the pain starts
It asks me again
If it was just me that I’m hurting

someone once told me
before you **** yourself,
**** your life.

so I slit that ******* throat
and watched it die.

Summer jackets
They're really useless
Only really used for fashion
They're so thin
Almost even see through
They're an unnecessary accessory
Something you add to your outfit
At the last second
Not to keep you warm
But because you thought your outfit
Was just a little boring

Summer jackets
Everyone has one
Even if it's at the back of your closet
You still own one
So easily forgettable
The zipper sometimes broken
Some stains
Some rips
Something you don't recognize
Oh look
A crumpled dollar
In the left pocket
Wonder how long that was in there
Some bottle caps
And maybe a dime
And some leaves

Summer jackets
Never useful
But sometimes it's nice
To find the surprises that lie inside of it
But too bad you won't ever see them
Because it's at the bottom of your closet
Along with everything else you forget about
All the unimportant things

We walked down the street
People were everywhere
I don't like people
I'm the introvert
You're the extrovert
We walked next to each other
The night was so pretty
We saw someone holding a bird
You walked up to them and talked
Talked
I watched
Watched
I don't like people
You looked so happy
Grinning ear to ear
Your blond hair
Blowing in the cold wind

I looked down at your hand
Would it be inappropriate to hold it?
I watched you
I don't like eye contact
I hate it
But when you look at me
I hate it just a little less
You're so pretty
But I don't like you like a crush
I like you like a really good friend
I don't want to kiss you
But I do want to hold your hand
I reached for it
I held your hand
You looked surprised
But you went along with it

The night lasted forever
It was cold
Lots of people
I hate people
There was a new bookstore opening
They were giving away free hot chocolate
I got some
You can't have it
You're allergic to coconut
I felt kinda bad
You didn't really care
You just were excited that a bookstore
Was about to open

My dad went into a building
It was crowded in there
We waited outside
You spun around a lampost
You looked so pretty
I watched you
Watched
You talked about whatever
Talked
You were having fun
And I was having fun
Because you were having fun

The night was coming to a close
You were happy because you saw a bird
I was happy because I got to spend time with you
I held your hand again
You did the thumb thing
I thought I might just explode
You looked so pretty

The night ended
I thought about you
All night
I don't have a crush on you
I just really like you
I really like you
I like your company
I like your personality
You're not annoying
You're very silly
And you're allergic to coconuts

i’d crack open
all the sunflower seeds
in the world for you

but what if
you were allergic
to sunflower seeds

I have ended wars single handedly,
Brought gods broken to their knees,
And dragged down the very lights
From the gods of Heaven.

But my greatest victory
Was always that I was the fire,
That sparked your brightest smiles.

i want to peel your skin back
and reveal your deepest sweetness.
to look at your veins
and memorize their paths.
maybe then i’d understand
why you are so rough on the outside.
it takes a lot of work,
digging your fingernails into the flesh,
pulling and pulling until you are bare.
but it is all worth it;
to visit your center,
to break past what conceals you,
and take you apart
slice by slice.