Janus, my demon
Pain in oxymoron
If beginnings and ends coincide
Will your faces reunite?

Janus, my tormentor
Change personified
I have pulled your faces together
And yet I cannot escape you.

Expression void of truth
Lacking any depth
I am drowning in
Nothing.

Stretched out hands
Glimmer of hope
Sparkles and dies in
Nothing.

My soul is vibrant
Alive and free
But cannot move in
Nothing.

No air, no warmth
But most likely pain
And the fear I will feel
Nothing.

Crowfoot underfoot in the hidden hanging valley
Step under intensive sunlight, illuminating hearts and sores
Dissenters blacken pointless fears, pit vipers in the night
Tie irremissible actions to destiny, feet chained to the floor
Maiden hair ferns brush cheeks and hands in shadowed paths
Confusion may never fade, **** that kills the essence of beautiful
**** of day, valley of night, sun and stars shine brighter
Grass stands tall in the grassland, stumbles are hidden, pain is hidden
Intangible grey in rain streaming down faces, eyes drown
Ells and dells and roads and streams cross perceptions of truth
Never to see actuality.

Complacently the white wall sat
Counting hours with the clock
The chairs surrounded patiently
And wondered where the sky could be

Expanse of freedom stolen from
The silent captives of the house
Holding up their guard, the roof
The white wall stays subject, aloof

There are nights to feel
Impossibly small
To slip through the cracks
And be dust
And gone

There are days to be free
And fly and wish
Sprout wings on your back
And touch
The clouds

There are hours to shatter
Into a thousand pieces
And hold yourself together
With string
And glue

There are minutes to wonder
At ethereal graces
That hide in labyrinthine
Sunbeams
And leaves

There are seconds to catch
A radiant truth
Glimmering in simplicity
Silent
Yet strong

There is eternity to discover
How much a heart
Can hold and break and heal and glow
And become
Beautiful

She stared with glassy eyes, out glassy windows at the grey
Reaching from inside, but not a crack to show her pain
An empty glance she gave, trying to forget the lies
And it began to rain, not a drop the sky to save
Not a drop to save

Pitter patter on the roof broke through her apathy
Gliding down her velvet cheeks her sadness was set free
And by and by her shattered heart stabbed through her fragile chest
Shaky moments, shaky hands matched every shaky breath
Every shaky breath

Crumpling like a paper rose, she collapsed onto the floor
And there she stayed until she couldn’t feel it anymore
Again to her uncaring face her empty eyes were filled
With echoes of the pain once felt, again denied and killed
Again denied and killed

Sticky skin and puffy eyes, an empty house to wander
Far too little, far too many hours for her to ponder
Away, away, and back again to places long forgot
She discovered who she was and knew that she was not
Knew that she was not

Red rainboots splashed in puddles, where machines once did reside
Red noses, muddy feet, finding things that used to hide
And she covered her ears, too much to hear nostalgia call
She brushed away her fears, too gone to even stand at all
To even stand at all

Curled like a child, she fell into a deep blue sleep
Drowning all the while, in greyness still for her to keep
Silent tock ticks lulled, her to a state of harsh relief
In silence, dark, and cold, she woke again to heavy grief
To silent, heavy grief

An eye to turn her way, to hold her fractured, fragile soul
To find the strength to stay, to tell her she was beautiful
Though time could heal her wounds, the scars will never disappear
Chained by hopelessness she watched, as her life became her fear
Her life became her fear

And on and on it rained

In my secret heart
Walled in by past
I stand at the precipice
Of every beautiful fear
Peering over at the darkness
And it looks back at me