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 Dec 2014 Catrina Sparrow
memineI
wild blowing up my stem and through my  brittle
veins I flow off from home and let the earth recycle my remains
blow through the neighbors yard into the street a drunk abandon
man or leaf or scorpion or slug blows and following dies
turns first blue colored then in red then white
we all have given
all, once
green.
You left.
I won't forget how empty my hands felt
Or the bottles I grabbed to fill them
I had to drive through the valley of our silence
And my ears never bled so much
I have punctured knees and bruised hands from begging
And all that's left of my hope is the dust between my fingers
Days move along but time is still
And the clocks tick louder in the dark
But I've learned that shadows only exist when there's light
So I found comfort in the black
Where I can't see my existence
I can't see your absence
And all I can feel is the cold floor on my hollow chest
****** I need to feel you now.

I'd have a better chance breathing with collapsed lungs
But I'd use my last breath to tell you to stay.
Please stay.
She burned through a crowd
With a wave so deep
It was hard to see clearly.
If only she knew how hard it was to breathe
She filled my lungs with longing
As sure as the moon will rise to meet the night
My eyes were captured fireflies
Cold lights
Not strong enough to emit a warning
My sailing heart would crash a thousand times at her shore
And as long as the rain keeps falling
so will I
 Dec 2014 Catrina Sparrow
Jay
I tend to sacrifice my smile so that you can.
pet
lift your chin and smile please
you have no idea how gorgeous you are when you smile.
:)
Another soul gone elsewhere
life taken by their own hand
perhaps a kindness they showed
themselves at last to depart these
erstwhile longing shores.

I won't do his memory disservice
by attempting any sweeping ode
nor pretend that I knew him better
than some few others in my life.

But I will pray for him, though
prayer is not something I often do
nor believe in as a certain substitute
for actual action in the direction of suffering.

Had I known how deep the extant
of said suffering I would have done
more though that is indeed the paradox
that we as humans share: namely, we don't
know anything, really, about the people
we see every single day, unless we ask.

Never again will I not ask how someone is,
never will I turn a blind eye to that shuffling
gait or those hunched shoulders nor will
I ever forget that my own pain never has
been and never will be an excuse to not
be a reasonable human being.

Good-bye and Godspeed Andrew.
Put in a good word for me please
to whoever it is that runs wherever it
is that you have gone. And please know
that it wasn't indifference that kept
me from asking after you, merely ignorance.
Some few things you should know about me
if ever I manage to capture your love.

To me, there is no such thing as casual ***
nor casual relationships, nor casual love.

It may not seem like that on the surface,
I may be able to act the part of what society
has told you to expect of a man...boy...thing.

But in truth I sit awake writing about everything
that touches me so deeply that it hurts.

Things that make me happy come with a price
called guilt, and that guilt drives me to abandon.

Stupid reasons and stupid logic born from
things done and almost done that I watched
so detached from myself that I couldn't believe it was real.

If you love me, don't ever tell me
don't do that to yourself.
When I was a child, I was the riverbed's bend. The silhouette of a person from far away smoking a cigarette. I was the blushing sunset and the barred teeth of nightfall, moon's jutted chin and all.
But as I grew up, people became less tree-house, more crawlspace.
In his drunken days, my father once went out with a crowbar shouting at god for giving me clinical depression instead of a man or a hobby.

When I was a child, I would hold hands the way you hold a loaded gun. No one told me that some people are bullet teeth, trigger wounds, and pistol shot screams. That I would become one of these statistics. Those analogies. My grandfather once told me that the bravest people of all sometimes go a little mad. But you have to find the darkest recess of your mind and tell it that you know what it looks like with the lights on. I no longer need a flashlight.

When you're a child, you're the billow of a skirt. The hum of a refrigerator door in July. You could be the sun's glare or the sky's mouthpiece. But as you grow up, you start blowing out candles for other people's birthdays. You begin looking at the cracks of pavement rather than moths clinging to streetlamps. your house slumps its shoulders whenever you open the door. and why?

if none of this makes sense, regard it as a poem.
Oh, the way the world whispers when you shut off the lights and open your heart.
it speaks to you in the wind
the goose bumps on your arms and legs
the smoke that tickles your eyelashes
it sings to you in the way your hands tremble
the way your legs shake and your knees buckle;
and when your heart is free and your eyes are open
I guess the weight of the world isn't so heavy after all.
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