i drove
and parked the van
two houses down
in fear you'd see me in the mirror light
reflecting
on nerves
but i don't think you ever saw me then

i would walk
into the corner bar
and see you immediately
unmasked
heavy with two drinks in hand
ready to forget the day
and dive into the night
the night where we would play
husband and wife
for 12 hours at a time
and in the morning
i would wake up
wondering why
i was never good enough
for the rest of your 12 hours time

Remembering is easy
I can still see your face
I can still hear your voice
I can feel your hair between my fingers
The hard part comes next,
the knowing
the finality of understanding
these memories are all we'll ever have
When I so desperately need
to be reminded of
the way you frown
and click.
I remember everything
and that makes it hardest
when I look back and see
the way that I poisoned you.

I think I've fallen in love with the feeling
Of smiling into a pillow and heavy breathing
And for just a second I think I can feel happiness again
But have to shove it down until then
But I think I'll cherish it while I can
Now how did that conversation start again?

you are full of tears
but that does not make you sad
you can get emotional but you are so much more than a shipwreck
maybe you get upset sometimes but that does not reduce you to a puddle of saltwater

you am so much more than sad.
you are strong, you are intelligent,
you are sweet, you are wonderful.
maybe you are sad but you are also inspiring and beautiful and valuable and unique

do not ever let yourself be defined by an illness. do not let a boy leave you because you are "sad", because you are so much more than a tear on your cheek, you are so much more than ugly crying, you are so much more than smeared makeup and sad is a feeling, not a state of being, not a personality trait.

do not ever let yourself be reduced to just "sad"
and tell that boy to go **** himself because you are so much more than sad

boys with lanky limbs
and ****** up feelings

boys who whisper dandilion wishes
and then rip out your capilliaries:
one after the other

boys who outline the roadmap
of your body with their fingertips
boys who demolish your soul
with their lips

boys who say i love you
and mean it

These slick people dance as
If they're off to war;
Fighting because
instead of
A cause.
There's blood in that.
September's ribs break under my
Rotting hands.
I have to try before the moon
Runs
Runs
Runs away.
My corneas are tired of seeing
And choosing to twitch at the thought
That this moon...
This very moon belongs to anyone
Else but me and you.

Armies died for you;
Medals were rewarded on
That white hill.
They say God stood here once.
We did too.

I'm sure those bronze medals are worn
Proudly around your neck.

All those soldiers are dying or dead.
No real difference to this or that.
Armies fought for us.
The axis won.

Troubled kisses and these hickeys are covered, I thought we were just going to cuddle.
Subtle moves and you were pretty boozed.
I don't need to book you, you're already there.
We stare and dare, I cant bare.
We went to Target and time wasn't really a factor.
Time dies, we're alive and I'm letting go of my pride.
I was just talking about time and I loved how you listened to my theories.
We shared a Gatorade, I gave you the first sip because I think it'd be gentlemen of me.
We wore robes around the store.
Parked somewhere dark and talked about everything.
"I want to be the one you dream of"
I don't understand the simplest things.
The normal always confuses me.