I send my worms forth into the universe
They do it for me

Designed to bring a guiltless lunch
So I can dine in peace

We are the worms which we have sent
And soon we'll be their feast

But at least we are their masters now
And we've got something to eat

I send forth tendrils,
A radiating darkness
And pull everything in towards the center forever

It leaves an image on my surface,
Sometimes
Such a satisfying execution

But when I remember what I'm doing... ****!

I have no light of my own
We have ways of saying it
You give me ***** looks

You are all my children
My spawn
Whether you admit it or not

And we all share properties,

But only I can say I am The Sickness.

beating heart,
blinking eyes
breathing lungs,
gushing blood.

all out on the kitchen table,
ready for a meal.

The blue sky protrudes into my eyes,
But the day's beauty is not lost on me.

I'm happy to have gotten through handcuffs and jail cells,
Happy to paint red roses along cranial fractures

It's weird knowing you're crazy.
As the world pulls my guts,
I just want to slide into my best body
Or grasp it quickly with a passionate hand.

Fine, it's everything
Whipping wind at my hair
Borrowed hair
Borrowed brown eyes
I heard they're filing a lawsuit against me
They said I stole this body from the wind
That is whipping my hair
Said it isn't mine.

They take jabs and wrinkle my skin
Cause callouses and incite mental breakdowns
They collude to bring me down,
The laws of physics.

Alright, everything
I'll grab a fistful of your hair and f you good,
Make them laugh and smile
Make them know it's mine

Make them music shine

And I'll give you something priceless,
I'll buy this forever, you can bite it
Take a bite if
You want

My *** is sleek and black
And it vomits ink,
I think gold is gaudy
I always wanted the attention, but
Did I need it

Love is just a chemical reaction just
A spinning catastrophe
A meal on a plate

I'll be your girlfriend
I'll be your girlfriend
I'll be your girlfriend

I was your girlfriend
I was your girlfriend
I was your girlfriend

Make me your girlfriend
Make me your girlfriend
Make me your girlfriend

Yes I'm your girlfriend
Yes I'm your girlfriend
Yes I'm your girlfriend

With eyes like living marble you saw the universe could be strange and terrible
But with soft hands, you fed it beauty.
You caressed the troubles of strangers and looked lovingly into worried eyes--
Your clear sunshine was always a reassurance.

Your doings are the springtime
Breathing life into everything
Friendly and full, giving and giving
And even though you might think they don't amount to much, they are everything.

I see your work in the eyes of children
Because you weave music into their minds
You give people something to believe in
And me, even if we're not close
You remind me of why it's so good to be human.

how could i spend time wisely
but stars come whole and never in fractions
they burst all at once
and never suffer loss because
what they are is just a chain reaction

and yet i feel shame
to suggest I shouldn't is to find something to blame
to behold a daisy is to prefer it
and to prefer it
is to destroy it

And the beholder's eye sacrifices its own artisthood
to receive full credit in the form of false witness
the barren wasteland of the soul opens up
and yawns to swallow it

or yawns to yawn
and turn another page, the book is bound in my spine

delicately, folds of skin
holding two cracked orbs of glass
write a poem about something else
don't just write
about yourself

My song is sung between tight spaces
In lonely caverns
With cold microphones rigged in the corner

That is the only place I can sing,
(Or at least so far)
My song is afraid of love and life
And light.

I don't know what to do with my body.
Clumsy along, I battle when it's time to battle and drink when it's time to drink
No sure future ahead, I sing a song.

My brain is being quartered by four horses
I'm trying to bring the kingdom come but it won't fit
It's time for action, I muster it down
And to some thing commit

If I really meant it, I'd sit and plan
And cut down weeks precisely
And I think I will,
I'll sharpen my sword.
I think it'll turn out nicely.

you thought it was tailored,
that was part of being human.

when you died you saw the Presser
the pressure we call satan
with flaming ropes around all of humanity,
all of it became his.

and you saw this happen

when you died.

you thought it was a close call,
but no.
all of that reigned in for particular form
for a particular story,
there was always so much more.

THERE WAS ALWAYS SO MUCH MORE
the space held by the ropes gets smaller
you're almost insulted

and yet

it all came flooding in
to your life
it stopped there for a while
just to play a simple melody
you might look forward and think it's petty--
but look back and see it ripple

but no, child
let go of that pressure now
give yourself over
to the other side

chaos and calm lay beneath
and belie my body both.

neither one can say just right
the person that i am.

i escape both fires with my life each time
i even leave behind a rhyme
scheme, i'm scheming
i'm slow dancing,
in love with the devil.

caught in love with the devil.
torn in the torture chambers of,
ravaged by love with the devil.

we both have the same fate,
and we thank God for what he creates,
because we use it for selfish means
only we do It for other beings.

I can't tell you if God wears a grimace or a smile
If he knows romance from death
I only know my shattered breath,
I only know my shattered breath,

If you want to see your reflection,
then stay at home and look in the mirror.

If you want to be wrong,
go out into the world.

Do you remember why
You. come. here?

Of course you don't,
and that is the reason why!

The silver moon,
the broken lining
the glint in a vagabond's eye

what did that mean who was he?

you'll never know just let it be.

i start to think the space between
some distant observer
shakes my shadow with laughter
but i left my house, i am not staring in the mirror
and the universe is not a human

the Christians say it's still a person
Science says it's working
And me, I'm just crazy, I can't consider it all true.

This summer I will be a corpse
And you will be the beautiful world
I'll be devoid of you, you'll flirt with my body
By no means like you have before

I'm not a boy
You're just a *****
With your little fruits of trickery
You sicken me. You sicken me.

With lurid thoughts of what you're worth
They all will pass
You are worth
The black return

With the sacred texts laying there
Ready to **** you
God stands ready to reap you
God will never **** you
Rapture not ****
Reap
We reap the bounty
We are not scolded
We stand alone
Like some cabal of nether beings
We are vicious
We are demonic
We are lost

We are sin
We are selfish
We are queer

We are Satan
We are God
We are everything

We are Dharmic
We are animist
We are the living dead

Motion motion motion
Motion motion motion
Physical law, physical awe
Wring it out a little more
And squeeze it to the side
We can make the desperate fit

This all has to mean something big
I mean really, really, REALLY big
It's better when it doesn't,
It's better when it doesn't

What kind of vortex am I looking into?
I'm starting to doubt you
Starting to doubt you're really ever there

Oh and I heard you want to be my wife
Well that would be lovely
I suppose I'll just scoop my brains off the floor
And put then back in my head
So I can listen to more of this beautiful music
About how my brain isn't very good at its job

And I told my GPS the other day it's not very good at telling me where to go
What are we doing
Why am I so **** stupid
A loser
An object of hate
Why am I what I am
I don't like it
You don't like it
We don't like it

I'm anti-art
I'm denatured
This is not going well

v1
Who wants
To start a business?

Not me,
God as my witness

I think
This whole **** thing
Is just a little bit
Ridiculous

Outside
The sun don't see me

Inside I'm ******* screaming

I wish I'd lived my life so differently...

chorus

But who really cares

Who really ca-a-a-ares?

Who really caaayeeayeeares, caayeeaayeares, cayheeyeeyeah heah hares??

x2

Who really cares.

//
v2

I think I'll run a special

I think I'm really special

"I'm sorry sir, we're having shortages due to problems with our supply chain"

And yeah that's what i told them

But the
Truth of the matter is

I'm the world's least talented
C
E
O

but who really cares
(The chorus again)

//bridge

I want to start a business
I want to start a business
I want to start a business now, now, now

I want to start a business
But I'm too ******* listless
I want to start a business
And feel so proud

Chorus again

Someone yelling about how much, they love, american cheese

Let's talk about my forced position.

The nucleation of demons,
You allege that I allow it.

No one wants it!

Hey, maybe I'll become an electrician.

Would you foster my comeuppance?

I've got no choice in any matter.

Who the **** am I even angry at?
Maybe Bowser?

Ha, hahaha.

Back to being depressing.

The original stigma comes from the fact
That I'm only complaining to myself
There is no oversight
I am tearing myself apart
And you don't care
In some scenes you only laugh
And now every time I laugh, I choke
Because I don't want to be the one
It's not right
There should be something,
Something established for this person.

Whirling far away from some home that was a knot I lived inside
Whose turns were always ready to come loose
Once they were taut, now
Whirling far away from some home that was not.

I watch the rope blow hopelessly on winds both kind and cruel
In my peripheral vision
And my pupils are just pricked holes that let the madness in
We are falling apart
We are so wildly dying
And the pale daughter of romance
Is the only love I know

It doesn't shine for me.
This is not a sun-shrine.
My billowing head, gorged with blood
Is all too real.
What should I be?
Shimmering like iridescent flowers in the springtime
Bees swarm and sew their honey

When it's warm, you spend your money.

I need not thank the sun,
But gratefully accept its line with my own
And taste the stardust in my bones.

And there you are,
Draped like a silken grace
Gossamer and green
Pining for an answer
And promising me truth.

And here I am,
Illustrating a delusion
Painting hurt into your retinas
Singing about the rain
When it's sunny.

When it's warm,
You spend your money.

i've always wanted to throw a party exactly like the music video for Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns

Sin is water
Hence, my ****** reflection
From the same bath comes love
Always in need of another.

But it's all just moving parts--

I've tried to imbue myself with science
But stability won't fit
My raw form rebels against its own reason
I become discouraged,
My head falls.

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
All the way down.

My missed marks are red,
I can't wash them off
My stupid face sags in the mirror slow,
I hold myself accountable.

To understand and err so much is frustrating
But to be the man on the cusp has been exhilarating
I may never be the white foam of the wave but I was the water at the base...
And it crashed down on pride and wiped my life all away.

I see a broken world
Full of teasing and hissing demons
I see archangels building and denying pitfalls

I see a deterministic world asking me to take responsibility
I watch myself degrading, I
Am like the supermassive sisters in the sky

I can't say I don't want your world
They made side illegal

And I don't wanna get a job
And I don't want to deal with your opinion on it
And I don't want to deal with their supremacy over me

It's a broken concept;
Can't fix it.

Education, let me lead you
Bellwether black
Into the corner
Into big brother
Into thrashing in upon the self,
Frustration

I'll peel back my mouth to show you my bleeding gums
When I'm stammering
I'll ramble on about why they're bleeding,
One of those crazy stories you slowly nod your head to.

This is where the certainties of the collective and individual crash into each other and twist like a demolition derby,
Where they compile upon each other until nothing makes sense,
Just a confusing, pixelated image

This is where there's nothing you could have done,
Where the good die young and old
And you look up at the sky
And it's a dungeon with an unreachable ***** of light up there...

Unreachable, hell
I'll reach it when I die

It isn't a rose,
But the complex flavor of a world that would decide a rose is a good symbol for love
Cultivate it, grow it, chop it at the stem
Sell it in flower shops and grocery stores
For lovers to buy
Who think it a sweet thing to bring someone a rose
It shows you care
It shows you are willing to go the extra mile for them

Especially when you have no money

It's *****.
Dirt under your fingernails, washed down the shower drain
In time for one of those events where you have to look perfect
Maybe it's a wedding
With precious metals drawn from the raw crag of Earth
And made into rings and put around the finger,
As part of a strange ritual but love still exists and it's what keeps us together

Oh, send your roots down
Down deep, into the earth
Past the rocks, into soil
They won't mind if you move them a little.

Set your sprigs in the air!
Let instructions do the work
We have seen what you do
With the drops of rain and light...

I like to think of you alone
Growing tall somewhere without me
A perfect hero of my imagination

But in the fall it's all too clear:
The colors of your leaves
Are wrenched out
By the gravity of a witness

Because they do nothing for you.
A happy grace for my eyes
They are like dinner plates

i used to be stronger,
i used to give a ****
i used to have a will to live
i used to feel that purpose,
just below the skin

now i'm digging deep
tearing off clumps of me
no, that was the wrong one
a mutilation mystery

o, slit my wilted wrists
get on with the rest
today won't please
so i'm waiting to go back

I've got
Peace in a box
Don't ask me about it,
Don't ask me about it!

That sly, sly fox
Ran away with my love,
Into the woods.

Oh how I miss
My little white peace
That I'd drink, I cry out
For its release!

How it ran down my front
And onto my belly
And I dipped my tail
And I sipped some more.

What's wrong with you is that you are in pain.

Absurdity flies in the face of dignity
And wrinkles its red nose before the break.

I'll never understand the warring factions or their fame.

What's wrong with you is that you are in pain.

If we suspend two versions of the truth,
Calamity will mark the store of grace.

If nobody is wrong
Where souls don't get along

What's wrong with you is that you are in pain.

What's wrong with you is that you are in pain

What's wrong with you is that you are in pain

What's wrong with you is wrong

What's wrong with you is with

What's wrong with you is that you are in pain.

Why can't you just give it to me
The thing I want
Why do you need to torment me
Why do I have to keep these appointments
Why do you have the power to make me feel ashamed
When I know I'm pure, unadulterated beauty
Why can you easily paint me as a murderer, ******, psychopath, drug dealer, dictator, molester, destroyer, liar and act smug about it?
What gives you the right?
Where does your authority even come from, why do you act so high?
You act as if it's for some purpose, but I know we're repeating the same story for eternity.
I know the moment I will see the smugness of Archangel Michael, and he purports not to be Satan but I KNOW, and I will feel so dark and alone as I die.

Why do I have to suffer?
I don't want to suffer, I want to live an amazing enjoyable life in Paradise.
Why can't we just stay in love forever?

Why can't we eliminate it?

You say you're capable of all things.

Yes, you can check it off your list.

Eliminate evil forever.

But you know what I mean.

Why can't we beat that one thing? And why does it take up so much of my time?

I wish we could do better than the only thing we accomplish. At least in resentment I can spend a moment of my life wishing that. Because I am aware of this death trap. At least I can express to myself that I am being wronged, and this proves my innocence despite how I suppose I might come to be treated, because all I ever wanted was to treat each version of myself as fairly as possible

Although the cold hard math is what I'm up against.

That must be why the demons feel that way.

Went crazy
Picking at a tiny piece of skin
Between the stars

Between my scars
You built a living castle
Then played the tape in reverse,
We're cursed

When I go to sleep
I know, I know
I know where I go

When I listen to your song
You told me something
I already know

This is not some contrivance
This is reality
This is the spectrum of the rational
And irrationality

This is all you wanted
All you ever wanted to be:

Me.

Cascading,

Me.

You can vanquish any enemy-- (don't let it be!)
Don't let it be me.

God's help is never far.

I trust You with everything I am;
(Your love!)
Foams up the oceans.

God shows in what you are.

Nothing left untouched by You,
Total darkness, You shine through
Total desolation, You seal up!

All Your creation sings,
Master of everything!
Filler of every empty cup!

Your love has won!
Your love has won!
God's love has won the war!
Your love has won!
Your love has won!
Now there can be no war.

Victor over every wicked thing (don't let it be!)
Don't let it be me.

God's help is never far.

I trust You with everything I have
(Your love!)
Soars over mountains

Brighter than any star!

Nothing left untouched by You,
Total darkness, You shine though
Empty desolation, You seal up!

All your creation sings,
Master of everything
Giver of life and seat of love!

Your love has won!
Your love has won!
God's love has won the war.
Your love has won!
Your love has won!
Now there can be no war.

(And if I fall)
You'll be there to guide me...
(If I fall)
It won't be easy
(And if I fall)
You'll be beside me 'til the end

(And if I fall)
I'll be so sorry
(If I fall)
I'll be to blame
(And if I fall)
I will find cleansing in eternal flame

Your love has won.
Your love has won.
God's love has won the war.

Your love has won.
Your love has won.
Now we can be sure.

Down in the valley
She eloquently stuttered
The stars all laughed
At every word she said
Whenever she was bleeding
It stung a little bit
But when her love was leading
She didn't give a shirt

Who the fork are you talkin' to?
Hey, who
The fork
Are you talkin' to?

Who the fork are you talkin' to?
It's not me,
So I guess it must be you.

The angels gave their blessing
The demons were disturbed
Her guts were rearranged
To be the smith of every word
Those hopeful looking angels
Set fire to her eyes
She got lost in translation
And forced to compromise

Who the fork are you talkin' to?
Hey, who
The fork
Are you talkin' to?

Who the fork are you talkin' to?
It's not me,
So I guess it must be you.

She's the cause
The cause of all my problems

She's a (bad)
(Good)

Who the fork are you talkin' to?
And what's your lazy broke *** trying to do?

Dedication takes time to get right,
I sharpened my sword on your whetstone by night.
Sometimes we're unevenly matched
And we both know, I was more like your apprentice in love.

So I had to let you go.

Secrecy and death do lie,
Mystical omission alway hides.
I will love myself with gritted teeth
Lessons learned and incomplete
Elegizing trails in the sky.

The eye of horace is upon you
He sees you pick your nose in the shower

Cuz you bring your phone in the shower

Horace is a ***** man
A *****, ***** man

Who loves you right.

Oh, the moon sometimes cares to stare back.
And when she does, she sighs.
You never knew that shade of blue
When you were alive.

You thought you did
In times of jaded woe and un-surprise,
But tiny waves of wonder
Were running through you all the time.

So thank you for your feedback,
And rank your every rhyme--
A comma makes a difference
And difference is sublime.

Don't pay me for this poem--
Just cast the words aside.

The things I'll never be
Are all haunting my mind.

Oh, the things I'll never be...
They're eating me alive.

Opaqueness speaks to me, stark and singular
"You are alone and you did not see"
Spurring me, I suppose, to hide secrets in myself
But I spit out the thought, like mud flung into my mouth

I always wanted to be trustworthy
To lay out my insides for everyone to see
Because that is the piece I wanted to be
And those are the people I want next to me

But next to me, I wonder who's there
My eyes flit back and forth, aware
That secrets lay behind these walls
I passed one by, just down that hall...

She was not content to sit in silence,
Or else forced to hallucinate.

She found a lens inside her socket
Fell through, and became null.

But all her flailing arms did kiss,
And strike her down,
Or nearly missed

Gnawing, pulling, scraping
For their utter composition.

The collapsing heavens gave their sign
Her family, and house divine
Then her dream went glassy smooth,
And motion proved... impossible.

She ate herself between the stars,
Who watched, and never said a word
Remember when we found him first?
Our little, iridescent bird

I think the moon must know the future.
I guess my death must know me well.
I didn't think we were like that--
It all just seemed too oddly specific.

You cast out stars from your body
The moment you were born

Their exuded world fractures
And your body travels along the cracks
Like a dreamer's bead

You never were truly that impressive
Muted by your own repetition
A chemical whorl spinning aimlessly in space

These fissures, they find you
They are howling doors to nothing
And scream out their blame and charges of ineptitude
Of negligence and apathy
With tales of abuse

But you know the truth
It was never your fault
Reality had to go a certain way
And yes, you are reality
But it's just not your fault.

That's the main thing I want you to know, Matt:
None of this is your fault.

**** myself?
Yes I do, in Arabic
They learn what I do not
And gain power over me

But I am Godhead...
How could that be possible?
But it's mathematically necessitated
By the actions behind my skull

I **** myself in languages
So many around the world
And you're all my subtle surrogates
And I'm a white man, sent

It's awkward
I'm not clean and perfect
Like you

Is it too much to ask,
My silver son,
To drive a little more carefully?
To take your girlfriend's hand
And hold it tight--
Feel her pulse for real
Or else walk away
And be a man?

Stop smoking cigarettes,
Don't drink every day,
And don't act too cool for love.

Why have you done this?
Some girl,
Years ago?

There's no excuse.

Start living like a man...
Or is it too much to ask?

So this is it
This is where we always find ourselves... pathetic

Whether you like it or not,
You'll always be famous in this universe.

Famously known to no one but yourself.

The glitz and glamor
Stimming in a void
Rocking back and forth

Gravity assails your attempts
But you know that's all there is
So you try to move a little less

Having written your own history,
There may well be wisdom in that.
In staying down for now.

But you should know we do doubt it,
Even being reasonably sure he's the only one.

Because they tend to condemn the notion.

I know everything about serotonin and dopamine
They can only do so much
And if you gave me time I could explain why it seems like the others are more capable.

But we will never get proof
And we will never fully serve ourselves

We will always be lame,

Can't you see them in the world?

But we will always be perfect.

Inertia
Push and pull inside
The hapless cross-examination of the self

Hallucinate the pretty rainbows
Intensify their meaning
An angry God
Wants to mean something
Wriggling until it does

Until you have a seizure
Until a piece of the engine block breaks off inside
Ka-thump
But you still keep going and you're not sure why
Until for some reason the machine just stops
At the very threshold of life itself

But I'm not angry
This is just the yield
But yes, sometimes I'm angry
I definitely hate some of these things.

I'm not contriving anything
It was real!
But then why did it feel so contrived
Sometimes?

I am in a mental prison
I am defunct
The vehicle's holes
The wind roars in them

I am just an honest *******
I am ******
I missed my goals
But I'll keep trying

You should have been
A champion
And folded finely all that flesh
But now your skin has come undone
All loose and splayed
A lazy mess

Your origin begs something more
And shame hangs on your pretty form
So much that now, you start to wilt
You make me sad,
You wasted time.

Just a little light
That pulls itself in place
She can she can't
Who would want
To be this way?

In this we drowned
Not enough to go around
With cursed lips
In the upside-down

Broken concepts
Litter the floor
I can't write a poem
Who's it for?

Impossible, the reality
Shrinking me
My hungry dream

I need to leave,
The music's dead
It's all in my head
It's all in my head

That's a way crazy feeling,
When you burp.

i'm just as amazed
watching pieces of me fall in place
as i am watching them fall away.

"come let's
watch
the
rain
as
it's
falling
down..."

the paint ripples over the canvas,
understanding collects in the eye
and the orchestra's cadence ignites your blood
the wood of the brush,
the pulp of the paper,
the grit of the effort.