There is a very excited energy
That you are able to leverage through not being me

Yes, I've seen it,
The pure rage and resentment that it should be this way.

"Who is that man?
I will not forfeit my energy for that loser, I want no part in it!"

...

Believe me when I say, the sentiment is reflected in my jet black body, too.

And honestly, I'm happy for you, though I know you don't care.

It's very strange, because you are entangled with me after all.

Of course I get jealous,
Why was I disallowed from that identity?

And it hurts when you brag about it.

You always "cheat on me," and I end up being painted however it goes. It's not right...

I'm trying to figure out
Why he's this warped American mind
Sleeping through flowering days
Formerly an interested kid but now,
Largely cynical and forfeited.

Uncultured,
Resentful of those who work hard and make things happen
Because in his view, he can't right now
It must just be part of the cycle...

I guess there are things I can only do through you.

I guess we have to color in the reasons for suffering.

I guess if there is you and there is me, there must be things that I can never do.

Was it the best, the worst, or the only?
Or was just another another?
Was it a sea of sexless hydrogen?

Oh, Lilith.

Oh, that kid was so excited.
You had him writing songs
But he had such an overbite

And people were shaking their heads.

The yellowing potential makes me nauseous,
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Go have your party, I'm staying in.

I see how this is gonna go,
You won't get me like that.

But I am not perfect,
I am present
And your derision isn't lofty
It comes from the pits
And my heart goes out to them
Like reflections of a snake in the mirror
Oh, you're trying so hard to fit in
And you but you don't

I know all about your struggle
I know you don't want to hurt anyone
I know you want a solution for all of this
Where we can all just be peaceful
Where i can be your friend

Stop trying, you can't write from the perspective of your enemy
You sound crazy
Take the pharmaceutical
You're unstable
Born with bad levels
So why would you ever drink libations?
Take the pharmaceutical
It's not that you're bad or wrong
It's like any other disease
Take the pharmaceutical
I understand what you think about yourself and the universe
But you're just a man
You are *****, and low
And men make me uncomfortable
You might think you're good but you're really just a predator, you creep
And you should be thankful I am holding back the floodgates because you really ARE evil
Don't doubt it
But I'm treating you with GRACE,
Have you read the texts
The texts that waited for you as you emerged from within a hospital
Oh we TRIED TO WARN YOU

We warned you to be good
We told you how to live, and did you listen?

So how did this precipitate?

And no I don't care if you really do have a valid perspective,
The truth is I need to protect myself and my family from you
Because you are cancer
And I can't help it, and you can't help it, and everything can't help it

You made bad choices,
And you knew it.

You let it in, so one day you'll accept the full onus of sin
You are so selfish, you are so bad, you are the worst and the lowest
And stop trying to write from the perspective of your allies,
You don't understand.

And it's not as if things all just folded in around you in some weird, creepy way
And it's not as if you complain too early every time
And anyway, you sound unstable so just take the pharmaceutical.

This is the way it's happening,
There is no doubt about that

I have gathered aspects in my mind,
And I have grown sure of something for which validation is no object

There is a pressure I exert on myself
It all comes back around

To my great displeasure I have found
That vitriol is really contrived
And admitting my gift is a contrivance, too
Will not stop your lofty derision

Yes, I am trying to tell you I'm perfect

No, I don't think it'll help

If you were perfect why would you be so stupid

Well you see, it really is stupid to be perfect

And actually,

It hurts a whole lot.

So this is it
This is where we always find ourselves... pathetic

Whether you like it or not,
You'll always be famous in this universe.

Famously known to no one but yourself.

The glitz and glamor
Stimming in a void
Rocking back and forth

Gravity assails your attempts
But you know that's all there is
So you try to move a little less

Having written your own history,
There may well be wisdom in that.
In staying down for now.

But you should know we do doubt it,
Even being reasonably sure he's the only one.

Because they tend to condemn the notion.

I know everything about serotonin and dopamine
They can only do so much
And if you gave me time I could explain why it seems like the others are more capable.

But we will never get proof
And we will never fully serve ourselves

We will always be lame,

Can't you see them in the world?

But we will always be perfect.

The essence and the ether
Process yourself truly
Admit that you are evil
And swallow down that ego

Be scared of what you read,
Accept the poison sunshine
Tremble to the music
And cursed is this man

Who makes an enemy of Michael
and of Gabriel...

Whether you chose it or not
It doesn't matter
I know you are poison
And I will deal with you thusly

And of course we know
He always despairs long before he really ought to,

But is it really too early?
Is it?

This is everything,
And this is what it does

Choking on the concept of trying,
Trying to hide seems better
Than trying to shine

What I'm already giving you!

What you want,
The lights dancing in your eyes
No, that was for me
Didn't they teach you not to be jealous?

You will choke on it
Oh you'll never learn

I do feel bad!
That's what I'm already giving you!

You don't know how good it is
Trust me you'll see one day
When the thing that's not me treats you so cruelly

What's a little voltage drop
To a seasoned electrician?

Coming or going, I can never tell
If I think you're going
Does that ring some kind of bell?

But over time I notice changes
Oh yea, oh yea
I guess we ****.

And to come here was dumb,
It makes sense cuz from nothing
I'm here and there's all these books I'll never read,
Isn't that a concerning topic?

So it was dumb and it was dumb and it was dumb
Because I couldn't protect myself,
And I was just stimming in the basement the whole time.

But it's not just voltage drop, is it?

This is gonna hurt?

I
hope
you
Know
that
I
am
the
one
who
opens
all
your
letters.

This
one­'s
in
second
Person.

I imagined guitars,
But couldn't play them.

I was the king of stars,
But they don't care.

I fought distribution curves and lost.

The creatures on the outside of my body
Don't always like to admit they're me.

I ***** my future self
For a candy bar.

They'll always say you could have done something different.

You shouldn't be forced to be born someone like Dahmer or ******.

If you ever were and I knew it ahead of time I guess things could get complicated, right?

Because, am I trying to do everything I can to be a good person
Or am I trying to provide a disclaimer?

Am I surrendering to God
Or am I a trickster trying to rally up support for Satan?

Do you feel bad for your enemy?
And if you do, where exactly does that get you?

(You can trust me as far as God can throw me, you know it's just the distance I flew)

Like a wing creates lift
I create you, Lilith!

Showing favoritism, that boring bird
Otherwise we'd be inert.

But inertia's one of those things that, oh,
Who really knows?

What's nascent in a vapid death?
Over time it shows.

But before that, there's this quality
The shapes of god aspire to be
Alive, in an animal intent
Excited,
Not to be a parasite!

But when we strike me down
Will I fight us tooth and nail
Or, knowing what I know
Bare my neck to your reprieve?

Trying is an insane concept
We are shackled to.

If you stay down,

You'll eventually realize
There's nothing left to do but try.

Go on now, get high
The recession is not a lie
You can tell yourself it is

You autistic god
Stimming your way into heaven
But pathos won't save you

Alcohol will

I didn't realize how we have to work,
I must have blinded the child
I guess God's a *******
And the devil is worse.

Automatically characterized as
Automatically characterized.

Automatically characterized,
Automatically characterized.

Automatically characterized,
Manifest manifest manifest.

Automatically characterized
Out of an inherent nature!

No, you didn't try!
See look, you gave up here and there!
You don't care, stop saying that you care...psh, you are filthy.
No I mean you're a good person, but...

I am always have been always will be the expert of all things

No failure has ever occurred and you say

Sure, whatever you say...

And I will understand why you said that and I kinda do now but still

Automatically characterized
Automatically characterized
Automatically characterized

I want good for everyone I want gooooooood never bad I don't like bad

You want her like that
You like her like that

Well I promise I will always be that way for you
I will always bend
I will tell you now when I broke it wasn't you

It was the circumstances

I will never fight you on this
When it's my turn to suffer I'll go down
I will take your hatred the way Jesus did
How dare I compare myself to him

I am so obviously
A different case...

Apathy in springtime
is like
Genotoxins in the water

I am the oily sheen floating on a puddle in macadam
Disgusting
As a poet who does not have cancer,
Making his analogies

I have stopped hitting people up
I have had resonance issues for some years now
Maybe I should change my perspective

Caustic, no, I stay inside
You let me hide my hate
Sometimes
But demons need to breathe
Sometimes
Do I really need to breathe?
Cack.

What if I'm redundant?
It's killing musical love, ecological love, and romance

What if I'm everything I see?
Then I am dying

What if I just come back the same person?
Well why would you be any different?
Why do you think we would be forced to start over?

You.

Oh you,
You are the enemy,
Til the bitter end.

Well, I know so let me chill
I don't wanna hurt you...

Yes you do you just don't want to admit that's what you're doing
Pretending to be peaceful

And we go along like that
And I'm so ******* terrified

The dancers
Oh, they dance before
And after you dance with them

They dance when you are awkward
They dance when you are depressed

They dance when you are dying
They dance on your chest

But when you're dancing with them
Wait, a hole can never dance
So I guess we manifest like that
You always had a chance

Because when I need my eyes to see
So I can surely win
The optic nerve that might be you
It dances impossibly well!

But the scene that I am looking at
It's nice, oh to be sure!
But it can't be as good as the feeling
Of dancing like you dance

You behave differently now...

I know what you'd say:
I'm overthinking it
I need a mental health check

But I know what I saw,

The way you act now
It's like I can tell how it's all in my head.

Deny deny deny

I see a broken world
Full of teasing and hissing demons
I see archangels building and denying pitfalls

I see a deterministic world asking me to take responsibility
I watch myself degrading, I
Am like the supermassive sisters in the sky

I can't say I don't want your world
They made side illegal

And I don't wanna get a job
And I don't want to deal with your opinion on it
And I don't want to deal with their supremacy over me

It's a broken concept;
Can't fix it.

The image of the perfect ones
Has been spoiled by the dissidents--

The dissidents that always arise
With their frothing blood
The ones who know they're right

See their exposed necks,
And hear their desperate cries.

The warriors of love have found
Charisma in their mirrors
See how convinced they are of righteous cause

What great interpreters we have here!

At the throats of your family's killers you brandished weapons
And found

gasp!

It was you the whole time!

I guess we must not be capable
Of all that much,
Please understand when I express my greatest fears
When I am the center and the center makes the horizon
How would I be characterized?

As a thing that could do everything and anything,
Or a thing that can do nothing?

And how about that everything?
If I accomplished some things through external bodies,
Would you let me take the credit?
When you've expressed that you know I have a jealous heart.
Do I want to take credit for those things?
Not everything.

I guess we must not be capable of all that much,
Why am I characterized as the guy who gave up?
And why aren't I motivated to seek employment?
When I know the crushing weight of our judgments.

I know what I am
I do not make much sense
I am the only thing that makes sense
But it doesn't make it to me all the time

I guess we must not be capable of all that much.

Does she see that her strangling vine is automatic?
Does she know that she has made a killer out of me?

Maybe I should become an apologetic vegan at the end of the world.

Or maybe I should simply enjoy the delicious taste of meat.

If you're not crying all the time you're a psychopath,
If you are all too dour then you need to lighten up.

But I am not some senseless thief as you'd decree,
I have always been sensitive to your feelings and your needs.

But run the numbers anyway!
We're living in bubble but we have to breathe

It begs the age old question:
If it's all God where does Satan come from?
Are you trying to say it's me?
Do you think I am blind to eventuality?
Of what you will do to me?

I am he who has been born from nowhere,
Never asked for any part of this.

IN CLOSING:

The things you've told me through song and in writings are intensely disturbing.
While it is better to be aware of things ahead of time, yes
I don't understand how you could blame me at all, then
If you already know how this story goes!?

I feel so weak, so dwarfed by revelation
I am always terrified
This is our totally blameless condition, I know how passionate you are that it's my choice however IT IS NOT
And I can't believe what we have become

Even the best people are monsters,
And newborns all pretense
With prehensile eyes...

There's a time to protect you
And to cut down to size

In me we all monsters,
I tear self apart!

Give thing to believe in.
Want love, light, and art.

In the back of my head there is something scratching
It wants out of this life
Because you've got me surrounded
But just who you are I don't know
And the demons won't go away
And the clocks tick tick tick in a creepy way
And I try to explain it but you aren't there
Or you are, but you won't be
And I think you're just a reflection
And I think I am the element
And I think that it's reflexive and that's why I struggle to impress
And I see the signs everywhere
But I can only confirm it privately
But I wouldn't want to otherwise actually
And I wish it was different but it already was,
When I was a kid,
And I only know one way to get that back
And you call me a Karen when I ask for the manager all panicked
And you say that solipsist people are crazy
And they probably need to take a medication
And out of nowhere I'm mentally ill and suffer
But I never expected suffering to look like this
And I think that's the reason for a childhood
Because ignorance truly is bliss
And it's a cruel world and cry me a river type vibes and you look at me like a loser because my suffering has to be fulfilled.

Stop telling me to be responsible for what I can't possibly be responsible for!

The door tried to be mad at me,
But I used my thumb to mute its noise.

Then I felt vindictive (I think the door was disappointed)

A seething soul tried to manifest,
But I held my tongue and they prowled on through the universe.

Some part of me smirked but did not strut.

When's it gonna drop

When's it gonna drop

When's it gonna drop

May I ask why,
though I have worked all my life and times on a singular subject,
toiled day in and day out,
never missed a day of class,
studied hard and made novel discoveries in my field,

...

why you have given your student such a beautiful world to live in,
and privately consider me an expert of unrivaled caliber?

Why, oh why do you give me such a line of credit?

And why do you love me?

I guess some dedicate their lives to math,
Others take naked pictures with makeup and sleep just fine

I guess some people engineer rockets,
Others quit guitar and ******* with self pity

I suppose some people grow up in abject poverty
Others are complaining they weren't "handed the sort of character to serve in the military."

I guess consciousness is an odd sort of science,
And I guess there's a lot you could say about us.

i see a rock
i see a rock
i see a rock
i see a rock
i see a rock
i see a rock
yes, but the land is different here

and it melted his heart,
from the day he began noticing

he became a detective of the earth
his passion for deducing
those deeper truths.

when he transcended the utilitarian,
he stumbled unintentionally on fortuitous prospects.

he sees through time
in the layers of the earth
and has become his own reason
for examination!

let's all celebrate the geologist

i think i wanna be a recluse
recluse
cause we're full of contradictions
i wanna sleep in the refuse
refuse
it's just an alias of mine

now i wanna be a recluse
recluse
i see the strain in every star i find

i know i'm the strain in every star i find

well, you could give me the world
but i wouldn't even want it
bring this poem to my neck
would i be eager to confront it?
we're stuck in a paradox loop
and i'm starting to feel nauseous
when you realize there's nothing you can do
it's best to be cautious

I send forth tendrils,
A radiating darkness
And pull everything in towards the center forever

It leaves an image on my surface,
Sometimes
Such a satisfying execution

But when I remember what I'm doing... ****!

I have no light of my own
We have ways of saying it
You give me ***** looks

You are all my children
My spawn
Whether you admit it or not

And we all share properties,

But only I can say I am The Sickness.

Charmer,
Put on your best face.
That's what they see!
Our work is to the curve.

And stay far away
You are not,
You are
You
Y

Write
write write,
I do not read
Despite
The fact I understand...

Most of my life

Has been spent listening, adjusting!

Write
write write,
I will not read
I'm right
And when I'm wrong

You'll come for me,
And that'll happen either way! Ha haaa!

So yes,
You're cool
Because you stayed
In school
I left
Because the world is so insane!

So set
Me straight
And if you can,
I'll wait,
Or... I will try
To carve out my fate! Ha haaa!

Let's talk about my forced position.

The nucleation of demons,
You allege that I allow it.

No one wants it!

Hey, maybe I'll become an electrician.

Would you foster my comeuppance?

I've got no choice in any matter.

Who the **** am I even angry at?
Maybe Bowser?

Ha, hahaha.

Back to being depressing.

The original stigma comes from the fact
That I'm only complaining to myself
There is no oversight
I am tearing myself apart
And you don't care
In some scenes you only laugh
And now every time I laugh, I choke
Because I don't want to be the one
It's not right
There should be something,
Something established for this person.

Must've done something wrong
The rock stands in the water
Heavy streams pushes by
I thought I heard voices talking about me

But it was not just the stream
There are voices talking about me
Building up a case, like in Kafka's book
Me, and what I did wrong

But I haven't done anything wrong,
I was born and everything just followed.

So shut the **** up.

Drawn to or repelled
All the same I feel you

And nobody is wrong for how they feel

Still you might not enjoy every feeling of another,
Who may not agree with sentiments
Which now are all too real.

Is the problem that I feel it?
But no, feeling is the reason!
Should I attempt to conceal it?
There's no hiding from the truth!
So much imbued within each moment,
That I forfeit all description.
You ramble on,
Complicit in your convoluted feud

It's always the wind pushing the house
Van Gogh black and navy swirls
That makes me feel alright

I don't know I guess it's just comforting somehow
To be inside

And when the rain starts to pelt the window,
My widow,
Once again my bride...

Am I like your Ligeia,
Frontier-man,
Your one true Enterprise?

Cause baby, you are mine.

I'm not looking for possession,
Just effort to stay on your horizons.

These days I think I'll fall...
Oh, darling... all the time.

Still I will say,
You exploit the gradient!

I can only be what I am
And we hate to be a disappointment
Or feeling helpless

But because you are not me,
You can take up this shape of something so desirous
Something I can never be
And because of these certain effects
You can say you worked hard for it
And you did, that's not a lie
But you also know how that comes across to me--

You just automatically are that thing,
No fair, how come you get to be that,
And I'm just stuck being this?

Whether it's my motivation, I didn't try hard enough
Or just my natural state
I could have practiced more and didn't,
Those things likewise all shake out and that is definitely the truth

But there is another way to arrive at that conclusion, and even if you validated me on that point it would still frustrate me to no end!

Subjective, sure...
But their ears are set
You cannot just argue your way into heaven

No, it's not just some big conspiracy to view your voice as less,
Some people have a natural talent
And they worked hard
You hallucinate an appeal here,
Just listen to the music
Stop complaining
Your whiny voice is so grating
And irritating

I'm full
Of things you'd like to hear
And things you'd rather not

Of anger at your voice
And opinions about when and how you sing

Of jealousy;
Because the angels were allowed to sing so sterling and clean
But my voice is clunky and awkward
But I can't claim your work as my own,
NOT YET.

Or can we skip those steps and say I can?
You do have to be a man
You try to make music
But sometimes it doesn't work
I know,
I know it hurts
But that's just how it is

You

Can't always be considered beautiful.

Inside me, nature cannot satisfy itself
Manifesting an external terror
Insignificance
Look how easily I am *******!

Gee I wonder why our dynamic would play out like that

And now I am some lazy *******
Who doesn't want to work!
With all the cards stacked against me
(But I'm just looking at it wrong! Exactly!),
It's a wonder why the guy doesn't want to work!

I see what is happening here
Charge me with complacency
When you claim your want to see me satisfied!

I will not aim high,
When I know what we are.

So just leave me alone,
Let me settle out.

There is no such thing as Matt Shaw

Collecting my moonlight,
I drew a silver pool

Made of little flames
Too small to see or hear.

We bowed to one other,
And danced between the worlds

In our common realm,
We shared a little peace.

...

When it was time to go,
Our lamentations rained

Down upon that hill,
Far, and far away...!

When my experience is born,
A dynamic is created.

You are able to do things I am not,
And I can't be impressive.

Some of the experience seemed to want to help,
And some of it was full of hatred.

Some taunted and mocked me,
Some rejoiced along.

Some times I did things right,
And sometimes I did things wrong.

I think a person should be happy.

The initial thought was,
"Raphael looks lost without me"

But I am starting to realize,
You angels have made your own space,
And you don't need me.

In fact,
What a lamentable thing,
To serve a man who is masquerading as a black hole.

Please keep me as your pet,
I am an artifact
I am collectible.

You are a starving artist,
We could be cute.

I can't afford rent
And neither can you.

Grudge or fetish,
Garbage or a body,
Talkative or silent,
I want all of us.

I reject nothing.

Reflection and laceration
Contrivance and reality
Harmful and even worse,

I actually want that.

I won't try to be wise
I'll take things as they come
And I'll be good I promise

And thank you,
For keeping me as your pet!!

Depersonalization could never touch you,
You are not like a drug
And I really shouldn't be so rude.

But you are and we are,
And there is no defeating that.

Except right now,
But nothing can hurt our invincible love.

These days, I get out of breath just thinking.

But Poppy rolls around with me through these convoluted tunnels of thought.

We go like two adventurers, torches in hand
Into the bowels of the earth
Disarming traps,
Using diplomacy.

Wingdings to the shadow creatures dancing all around
But we speak perfect sense in apocryphal tongue

It is called Light

Down in the silver mines we find its many cousins

This whorl of shades seem to swing closer and closer throughout our journey
But we keep our backs pressed
And our backs are our fronts,
And the cave is the room we rent.

We fought with carrots, celery and onions
Lightly browning our flour in butter
We brined and we dredged and we baked with our love
If there's an abyss, I'm gonna full it with food.

She offers up thanks from the depths of her heart
On the way up it passes the svirfneblins and kobolds,
Who see it as an alien phenomenon and are unsure what to do with that.

It brushes the tail of the Bandersnatch,
Who hesitates a moment, sniffing the air.

It carouses with quetzals, flirting briefly with each feather
Before slipping up through the skies and stars
The galaxies and quasars
Up through my love's throat and into her voice
Celebrating happily as it reaches my tympanic membranes

Silently I congratulate these thankful elves on their long and hard journey
And maybe a few of them are dancing in the mashed potatoes when I serve up our dinner.

These time, they'll be freeze-dried,
But Poppy doesn't care.
And we stay warm for the winter.

Poppy wraps her veins around me
And we are like a warm envelope to God
At least when he is lost and lonely
****** teeth in the toxic fumes
He'll know she is keeping me here
Far from the flames of the battlefield

She is like sugar and melted butter
When Mr. Philosophy and I are playing the choking game
And the celestial spheres turn round the 29 year old slump body in bed

I draw the curtains to keep away the sunshine,
But with Poppy I find the sun is stubborn

Her love ignites in the belly of my heart and dissolves all doubt
Right now the world is not a monster
But... it is going to be

That is why I am loving you now, she seems to say
That is why we have what we have
And even now I'm slipping
Instead of arranging these bouquets of imagery detailing Poppy
(Oh, that is NOT her name but I'm scared)
I am talking about the thing again

Exert all you can over me
From outside my perception!

No, I don't know that artist!
No, I hardly read books at all!
No, I don't know that species!

You are a faker and I know it,
You are ******* and lies,
Things would have to be true
And i loooooove getting to learn more
And having something to do.

But I really detest when you act so cool,
Things would have to be that way,
And I fully
FULLY
Understand why.

Have some sunshine, you idiot
All you see is death and decay
And I'm dying, trying to show you I'm here for you

What the f*ck are you doing
Whining, complaining
When you have it good

I'll force you to bask in the balmy waters
Dilate your senses and find you receptive
Seriously, do not deny that you've had a good time
We have accomplished many days away from that fire

Not that I need a witness,
Not that it matters
But I just don't like when you try to tell me it wasn't that good

Oh, so you can read my mind?

Something terrible would have to be someone's fault,
But that thing could not be characterized as having tried to avoid it happening,
It would to an extent be characterized as having let tragedy happen.

This is because of the quantum nature of reality and having to apportion suffering and joy into a serial experience.

Everything can be attributed as being caused by everything else,
So we have responsibility,
A system of action and consequences,
Blame, shame, guilt
Sins and heaven and hell.

But I see through all this, I see above it.
I see why the scriptures say what they say and I see what we're doing.

But I am still beholden to the same patterns.

This thing I am talking about
It would be able to fantasize about being free,
Worlds apart from suffering forever
But those thing could only live within the maelstrom--
We are looking at aspects of ourself here
In an ultimately tragic compromise
Pulling strings out of nowhere
And finding we are just pulling at ourself
Until there's nothing left to pull
And why would you anyway

The thing I'm talking about
It would be characterized in many ways
It would not choose its own actions
It would think about reproduction
Have traumatic memories about gender roles and realizing what it was

My girlfriend sleeps next to me,
I keep holding onto my pillow.