I want to saturate space with an impossible plasma
And rejuvenate you
I hate time for dragging us forward
Crippling your hearing
Dwindling us down

My love for you burns more intensely than all the fusion
Of all the stars in the universe
I may not always act like it but life is crazy
And it's true

And I hate that it feels like we could only love as much as we could,
That we were limited somehow

In a reversal of roles I want to protect you
And I fear that I am the one who is hurting you
Which is one of those things we could just never admit to each other
Because it's sort of not true anyway and the angles from which it is true feel evil,
Inimical.

I know that by my nature I cannot protect you.

Can i even do anything for you at all?

Or was that just a lie I told myself?

Being found out by David Hilbert,
Trying to slink quietly through the garden
And eating dead mice that were already dead.

Traps not set by a smoking hot blonde
Mice that were not really you,
The smoke of a black clove cigarette,
Wine,
And sweet v--ina.

Daring to glance at the ledger
To get a better grasp on the sunk cost
And admitting defeat in the things we enjoyed
That now reverberate in the mind like a dull moronic thud.

We are ever increasingly living for yesterday.

Remembrance must be a trick to sweeten the deal when it's time to forget it all.

We wear radical acceptance like a tattered old trash bag.

I know why I had to be characterized as such an idiot,
But I can't stop looking at it classically.

Infrastructure whips around me like a living fractal
These compounded eyes see the world a little differently
The city street is tomorrow yesterday and today
The forest is an intersection i have with myself

I will never know all the plants and animals
And I will speak every tongue known to man.

My mouth eyes and ears have fused to the cloaca of eternity

My cortex has been smudged by the side of a drunk artist's hand

I am surrounded and i am mortified

Self loathing never tried to free itself

The grass was green on every side
Until it realized the irony of the adage, had a laugh to itself, and burst into flames.

I'm chasing my hardware.

In an effort to make myself more secure,
I have not secured myself.

I have not made myself overall more vulnerable.

But I have not done nothing, either.

The displacement of my present mind
Has caused an apparent fluctuation
But we know what we're doing.

When I try hard to be moral
I have not saved the light.

I have not cast darkness out.

And yet I have saved the light,
And I have cast out darkness.

Am I really the author of my fate?
Sometimes you get red in the face
Screaming "yes" at me.
Other times you seem to commiserate
You seem apologetic
Yet, please don't admit this on those red-faced days.

Oh, how we hold ourself against ourselves.

Oh, how will is held against will!

Oh, imaginary numbers.

The rational and irrational.

The real and composite.

The oddly specific.

The indomitable hero.

I can see where you start
And where you end.

Weeping wounds lie at the heart of the wellspring,
Whose acrid tears are the meal of a godless whorl

An accretion disk convinced of personality
A depersonalizing wreck envious of its own neck

Bearing witness to reflections in the collapsing medium that surrounds the head

And hands stretch out in the great magnetic core
Where breath can stay and peace is an object unto itself

But no one ever tries,
Because the shuddering has remembered the choking
And impossible securities have just been left behind
Like the longest path of stepping stones to a grave.

The angels mock themselves, juvenile
Completely hopeless
You watch them burn

You are not God
You're a drunk misfit
And yet you are fettered to a godly doom,
With no such glory to speak of.

Well then, why am I here you ask?
Well I'm about to show you.

And let this poem be forever evidence
Of the strangeness of this individual,
And how they were fated to be the only one
To experience the fullness of the Universe.

You are bounding music spilling over into chaos
You are noir petals unfolding beneath my skin

You are the guiding hand of a storied man
And a baby nestled in the warm crescent of a mother's arm

We have become our own insanity,
Built up walls of denial are wearing away as we blow the wind

The distance between us is shrinking and expanding
Time and space tore themselves apart, just for us

Godless wretches swinging through the cosmos
We feed ourselves a good story
But even good stories aren't free
But maybe it depends on your perspective.

I bear witness
To the object and obstacle of the mind
"Eat it!"
It says to me

And if i do, i know you don't need it
We are eating just for pleasure
You know you are undoing my body

Cue the caricatures of the glutton
Food flying everywhere
And we are watching from our death
Like the ghost of Christmas past.

And if i don't, which happens less
Then I am holy and sacred
For not listening to that devil
Ignoring rumbles,
Staying steadfast.

See how ravenous you were,
Just taking it for granted
And eating, and eating,
How dare you,
You eater.

And the fact you will be judged
And being exposed to that fear by an automatic universe
But you think it must be for some reason
You must have done something wrong.