I would've liked another tomboy to catch tadpoles with,
but the boys hung out with other boys,
and the  girls, well, I guess they didn't
enjoy mucking about in a silty pond
with a smellyAussie Shepherd named Duke.

On a hot summer day, the murky water
was cooling, and the slinky little fellas
provided a challenging hunt. I imagined
they came up from a subterranean kingdom
with a Father and Mother Frog watching
from below. But I was quick, and
Duke would alert me to nearby swimmers.

Together we'd catch and release a dozen or so,
never meaning to harm. Except one day,
I decided to take some home in a glass
milk bottle. I hid it in the woods near my house
and forgot about it. Never again!
I considered them my friends, playmates.

I grew up straight, in case you're wondering.
So you see, girls can play dressup with paper dolls
AND build hideouts, go fishing,
climb trees, catch tadpoles, even read
Popular Mechanics cover to cover,
sketching self-driving cars that floate above
the road (on what, I wasn't sure).
But it was what I loved to do.

Explore, experiment, challenge, PLAY!
And my slimy friends were as good as any
to play with. They didn't disapprove
of my wild ways like many parents in
my uptight little town. But now that I
think of it, there was one boy who invited me
to climb trees with him.

He was lonely, living with his grandparents.
Before I headed back home one day,
he told me his Granny said "You could've picked
a prettier girl to bring home."
Like the song says "Que sera, sera." But it
did make me worry about my looks.
That was the last summer I chased tadpoles.

I didn’t
See
The emboldening.

I was so
Busy
Catching
Breath,
And butterflies,
I didn’t know
The times inside
And covered,
Were practice
For these times
Outside,
Exposed.

And we diminish
What we’ve built
In ways
We hope
Are tippy
Tops,
In thin air,
Just for show.

But I worry
There are young ones,
And tender souls
Up there.

I didn’t
See
The emboldening.

And the butterflies
Have pins
Through
Their bellies.

I
See you
Here
In
These
Four walls
Soft and strong and earnest,
As we snip
And weave
And mold
And sing
The fear
And grief
That seeps
Into stories
We can’t quite
Bring ourselves
To tell.
I see you
Here
Seeing me
Blinking
Away water
Seeking
A way forward
In time,
The only
Way
We move
Within
Walls
Unbroken
And heavy
With our
Works.
It’s loud outside,
The crumbling.
And —
That last piece
Really spoke
To me.

I wonder
As you sleep
At your flesh
Against my flesh,
Curls tickling
My cheeks.
I wonder
At the bones
It bundles,
Muscles thick
And contained.
I wonder
At your organs
Your wires
And bellows,
Pipes,
And filters,
And pumps,
Tucked just there
And out of sight.
I wonder
At you,
Love,
Here
And now,
An embodied
Creature,
Warm
And pulsing.
And I am grateful
That the trembles
In your throat
Pushed waves
To lap
Against my window
And wiggle
My tiny trio
Into warm
Wet
Words
Of greeting.
And is it
Wrong
To know
So fully
In these early hours
And deepest spaces
That these bits
I call you
Will still
And stiffen
And seep
And feed
Simpler creatures?
Beings
Without noses
To tickle
Into the wonders
Of an unsuspecting
Lover.
The clouds are thick
This morning,
And the veil is thin,
And I suppose
It’s time
To run.

I never thought that I could
Drink morning coffee when hungover.
I have never thought that a compromise
Can taste so good.

I didn’t want to consider different me
I thought I have lost myself with you.
I didn’t know her,
But you did.

I keep doing it to myself.
This pain is better than not having you at all.
I like having you in me,
And I’m the only one who knows it.

Calm and stress at the same time.
I need shivers to enjoy,
But of course you knew that.
You have read me, and suddenly I can’t read anymore.

Conversations in my head,
Disappointed in my own stories.
I pretend that I don’t like to be with you,
But when you’re not around, I don’t have me.

You left me dry,
Because you were dry before you met me.
I wish we had more time to get wet.

When they told me love should be easy,
They didn’t know that it is easy to walk together in the darkness.
I wish we had more time to wait for the morning,
But all we had were nights.

I keep doing it to myself

You said life is a beach
I believed, as the world slipped away
the moment you kissed me there.
Do you know that brief, charged moment
when the world seemed to fade away?
How are you so good
at giving those one after another?

You drive the car, play the music,
ask me to close my eyes,
to truly feel the song.
But what I really feel
is your hand brushing my thigh,
the wind carrying your taste to me,
and I know this can’t be the only way
to taste you.

The way you speak of ordinary things
as if they were miracles
it thrills me,
a rush of adrenaline I can’t resist.
This wild urge to see you again,
to feel that pulse... of life.
In your presence, I find a fire
I never knew I had.

You told me, darling,
you have to live.
You said, baby, maybe today’s the only day we’re given.
why did I find you so late?

You told me to become an ocean
but by some sweet accident
I became yours.
How bittersweet, this summer romance
living only inside my head.
And it’s not the head I want to be writing about.

I have a tattoo of me as a wave
never knew how much I longed
to be that wave
just to be on top of you.
But don’t blame me
I’m on day fourteen.

No one pronounces my name so wrong yet so right
You impress me so much
I keep forgetting what my name really is
but you can just call me yours.

I hope every traffic light would turn red
just to steal a few more moments
where time pauses
and desire can make more convincing lies

But maybe next summer