Last night I told you what I wanted
You seemed excited to comply.
But now I’m wondering
Is it just an act.
Am I ******* with your happiness
With my adventurous spirit
Do my needs cause you
To feel less loved
I wish if I asked you would tell me
I wish you knew
I care about what you need too

My stomach knots
Say I'm pretty
Take me to bed

You are heaven-sent
Yet you always seem to forget.
Born in pain and agony,
Brought screaming into this world with regret.
And yet
You chose to let that define your life.

Blocking every shot that comes your way,
Until your find yourself at the bottom
Drowning like all your fake friends.
But it takes spine and guts to face yourself
To take action and change.

Will you brave those waters through still and storm?
Will you be more than just a verse in a song?

Realizing my doubt
Is not your fault
Someone long ago realized
There is a monster in my rib cage
Eating at my heart
And I have always ingnored it
Even from the start
Steadfastly believed
I have always been happy

But sometging must have changed
And now I know
its not the way you say my name
(This still breathes the way it did)
Or the way you kiss me
(You still put fire in my veins)
Or the way you look at me
(My heart still stops)

But instead its growing up
And realizing somethings always been wrong
That the chemical switches in my brain
Have all developed misfires
And that monster in my chest
Has broken through its cage
Is now in my mind

And the fact of it is
I probably need help

"I'm going miss you"
Of
     Course
I'll miss you too.
But
      This summer
Reeks with
  The memory of what happened
Especially when you say

"Are you gonna come home
Pack up
Leave"
I wasn't planning to
      I've always loved you
          I've never left you

"Are you ******* your TA"
The actual ****
      Why
I've
never
Given
Anyone else
The time of day.
Why talk to me that way

Im sure it's projection
But give me a breath man
I'm drowning trying make you happy
Your boot prints on my waterlogged shoulders

"Am I excited to come home"
I dont really know
Who I'm comming home to
Anymore
What happened to you

Why throw me into doubt?
Look at me,
You know my hearts never been out
Of the little box of love you've seen.

Why drunkenly kiss my hand?
And why right then?
You knew I was afraid again,
Why usher the doubt in?

Why you, in your maturity,
You knew better:
Knew better than to touch me.

Voicing your warnings of wait,
From a vantage
Of bitter taste.

Friend ,
I was young and happy,
Why widen the crack
For doubt to come it.

took writing seriously
i was at a glass desk
with a glass heart
shattered
piecing it back together
with each letter