An immortal flame
Absent, yet enkindled
It resides in me and you
An awareness we gave
eachother when our eyes met
When our smiles opened
the windows in our eyes
and we could see the same candle burning
How could we forget?
We never have
It's just the drama of going through birth
The fleetingness of life
and the wisdom of us as a child
that was washed away to time
Because let's be honost
we both were a long way from home
But our candle still burns my dear
And our home is still ours
let's spend some time together
I've missed you and I wonder how your day went.

I need to ******* go to you..
I'm honostly sick of this ****..
World is a ******* small place..
so how can you be so far away?
other side of the globe..
but just an 8 hour flight?!
**** doesn't make sense to me.
Millions of miles away.
On the other side of the screen.
Messages sent take seconds.
I'm jealous...
Everybody knows everybody
six hands connect the entire world.
But I just want to hold yours.
And not let go.

"We are brothers, not by blood but by will.
We ask not that we be born on the same day, but we request that we die on the same day"- Anonymous

After soaring the sky the Desert Eagle drops mercilessly on the floor

Sold my soul to the Devil in exchange for suffering.

Their thoughts are filled with religion,
conscience drifting in nothingness
hearts hollow
and souls devoted to existenceless.

Where am I?
Where do I begin
and more importantly
Where does the socially created me begins
and ends?
My mind is filled with thoughts
some relevent, most of them are beyond my control.
So where am I?
Where do I reside in all this wiring?
Where is Me, in all this genetic coding?
The eight percent of my behaviour
dictated by the environment I grew up in.
This complete package that is molded by my perants
is great..
But where am I?
What is it that makes me, me?

Do I reside in my heart? All battered and torn?
Do I reside in my thoughts? All shattered and worn..
Do I reside in Life? Swimming but the currents are strong.
Thrown from left to right, do I reside in the shipwreck of this storm?
Or am I the shipwreck trying to get to the shore?
It's frustrating how I feel lost
and how I am trying to find back my core.
But these questions remain unanswered..
I hope I will find them when I am home..

No-Thingness

Everything devolves into structuredness because all things revert to singularity. To one entitity. It reverts to a single point of energy charged with infinite potential and pure conciousness.
An All-being dissolved of any structure and definition giving meaning to the No-Thingness inherent in the fabric of all existence.
We are omniscience expressed through a fragmented incomplete experience. More expressed through lesser, yet without this,
potential wouldn't come into fruition. Understanding comes with defining structures painted on the empty canvas of awareness. When we cease to paint, the color of awareness transforms emptiness into spaciousness. That's why through silence we can experience contentment in being. The practice is awareness without understanding.To understand that we are awareness without practice. Effortless. Duality is our illusion, our bounderies are imaginary. We only perceive the paradoxical expression of reality.
Like the notion of distance in the definition of interconnectivity.
Wholeness is incomprehensible presence.
It is the rigidity of our awareness that prevents us from flowing into it. Take water poured into existence, yet it takes the shape of an imaginary bowl. Held together by the tension of it's own convictions. It firmly believes in it's seperation and individuality.
Convinced of it's own shape, it does so against ironically impossible odds. It forgot it's place within No-Thingness yet that does not mean it's seperation. It merely means it does not recognize itself as the wholeness it perceives.

If God brings true salvation
than Demons keep you alive.

Ooh Old One, yet so young
Whose habits are etched into my body
Emotional scars, physically invisible
You can't see, but you could feel..

Place your hand on my lower back
Run your hands up and down my neck
Feel my calves, thighs,
shoulders, everything still so tight

Yet my mind is light
my smile is genuine

Hardships are guided
for a safe landing inside me
Tears run down my cheek
Close my eyes and see

All kinds of me,
Sadness, Happiness, Anger,
all running up to me
Smiling, greeting, consoling me,

So what I see
is that I need a soft home
For my inner family.

Come with me
When present is ancient
And you are all but dusty bones and ash
I will hold you close like ink on my skin
Or a pendent on my neck
A finger that holds you in one of my thousand rings
I am sorry my love
For I will have many lovers
All which I would hold dear
All which I would give my heart
But my life would be my own
And all of you would come and go
But I will never forget
And I will remember when I will see you next
I will have a different name
Maybe a disguise, a bit of a different face
But my eyes will be the same
And my soul will remember your ancient name
Such is the path an immortal man should take.

I was an empty slate once
And young
Now I am filled with
With what exactly?
With what that makes up
My identity
With fragments that make up
The way I love
With what that attracts
And all those things that I discard
And all those things that I want
But don't have
That I'm worth
But beyond reach
And I sit
Upon dying grass
Selfishly for my own needs
They suffer a little bit more
I sigh
Because the slate that I am
Filled with unknowns and fragmentations
All long for balance and question and doubt
Every step I take
Wondering if it leads me closer or further
From the harmony
I unrealistically, desperately seek
Which I know will inevitably lead to the dead end and void that I still feel everyday

Today I am exceptionally happy.
...
Who am I fooling haha!

Whenever I look at her I turn into **** Tucker from C&H;.

Aware of every string vibrating
as the violin plays a melody
resonating with my sorrow
the sound and sadness
dance with perfect symphony
synchronized with my heart
my soul shivers
my being captured
in these vibrating strings
the audience watches
simply observing this dance
but not a smile or sound
to be found
the audience tries not to give in
and therefor gave in
to the sad melody
sung by my soul

I shout at the heart of my era
At my young age, 24, plus five O's Soul Old.
I scream at it's core
I rattle and shake
At memories that lie sleep
buried at ancient graves
Knowledge flying free
Ash scattered, my past remains, way past yesterday

I am my soul incarnate
just another form, just another life

and that's why I scream
that's why I fight

I am not "just" I am more
I am it and it is me

and I feel incomplete
because "it" keeps a large part of me asleep

little pockets of dread.
Grey and cold.

I'm a withering leaf,
in the painful process of letting go.

My skin tears.
Flakes of despair falling in winter.

My heart cracks,
bark besides the road.

Came from far turned into a long way home.

Footprints through the mud,
woven shoelaces from dried grass.

An abandoned heart.
Soul shelters in an empty chamber.

Tears in a storm.
Grief hiding amongst drops.

In the presence of lastig absence,
thoughts staring at an empty canvas.

Little pockets.

What gives?
Uhh.. love?

Now I resolved that this place wasn't my home
accepted it, it was hard.. regretted it..
the descisions I made in my life
somewhere detested it
shredded, ripped
bogged down
heavy ****..

Didn't want to be bound by fear
decided I would at least be single for a year...

a week later
I met you here..
you crashed in here
cracks in my heart
you took your place in there
spreading your roots
strengthening my heart
ignited a spark
You took control
mending my thoughts and soul
and showed me the path
so I can make my way home

Now I face my fears
on solid ground I stand
No matter what I tell or think
you understand
you help me reflect, think back
and learn
that it's okay to yearn
express thoughts and the way that I show my love
You accept me...and help me accept me
For the first time I'm dealing with all my ****
so now I'm facing the dark
because you're the light shining through the cracks in my heart
Now I'm no longer bound by fear
Because there's no doubt in my heart that you are here

Sun broke through the clouds, up high in the stratosphere
Lightning gone, hurricanes dissolved
I no longer reside in the eye of the storm
It's no longer cold
I watch the scars on my arms inflicted from the sharp hail
slowly heal and regenerate
mental state recuporates
fields of blue
stretch to infinity
I can sleep
and enjoy pleasent dreams now..
*exhales

Three piece suit in the booth, ain't **** cute. - Sean Price.

Let us return to riddles
Questions that the ancients asked
Puzzle pieces scattered underneath our ash
Little images of a path
Recollections of a distant past
Bones of forgotten wrath
And skulls with a malicious laugh
This I ask
Let us be reduced to ash.
Let us return to past
End our path
Show thy wrath
And we'll greet the future with a malicious laugh

Turn pain into water
and drink it.
Let it rain on all those beautifull seeds
planted inside yourself.
Grow.
Create light in your mind
so the saplings can reach out and entangle within you
become fulfilled of yourself
and treat yourself with love, water and light.
But first, drink.

Head in the clouds,
Feet on the ground,

No need for a mentality check
Comfortable in a blanket
and my anxiety wrap
I'm chill.
I'm good.

Got food for thought that'll last of days

A connectivity check
Emotions relaxed
breathing....in
smiling....out

Walking a steady pace
when "I hear a funky beat
The music is so heavy
It's going straight to my feet"

On this mellow brick road.

Sometimes I wish I would give myself permission to die.

These hands have never written a word
a thought or a feeling.
They have never captured the essence.
Never reached the centre.
These hands will never shine.
What writes is only my heart
and mind.

A path of thorny roses
carved itself unto my skin.
I see her struggle,
her thirst and
desire for sunlight.

A petal falls
and blood trickles down my leg.

She fears that she will wither
before she opens up to bloom.

I gently caress the petal of the rose and whisper
is my pain of no concern to you?
My blood will not quench your thirst for sunlight.

Yet despite that she's nestling deeper
thorns buried
and aching
out of some form of misplaced necessity and desperation.

A desire to live, a desire to grow, a desire to blossom.

By the roots, I rip her out.

I am no means for her survival.
Nor am I afraid of pain.

When the world sees us for what we are. They will see Gods in a place vast, beyond imagining. - Stevie Ray

drift within the pureness of self
where emptiness and space
make love

Sitting in my bed. Can't really relax.
Feeling a bit tense, aware of my heart pounding in my chest. Swimming in the depths of my sheets. Looking for you. I panic, where are you? I try to find you even though you've never been here. I try to rationalise, gather my thoughts and let go of this feeling of what I really want. This craving, this constant ache and desire to wake up next tot you. The dissapointment that the laws of physics and nature won't make this one exception tot bring you here next to me through supernatural means. They don't discriminate and treat us fair and equal.Even though I'm blessed for having you in my life and experience and feel the love you give me. I cherish it but I can't seem to feel at ease. You're not here in bed with me, it's incomplete. So I grab my phone and look at your pictures. Seeing you makes me feel calm. So I can finally sleep. Het back in touch with my feelings and I feel your presence accompany me to my dreams. I hope I'll wake up there with you next to me.

"I just want to make her happy"
"Why?
"Because seeing her being happy makes me happy"

Hello old friend... it's been a while..
You wanted to experience me again?
Well yes, although I can't deny that I regret this decision.
However you're a part of life and I should at the very least acknowledge that.
You've always been a strange one..
I just wanna try and see if it works. It's difficult though.
Well, I'm rather complicated don't you think?
That's also what makes you interesting, being a part of me I don't quite understand. How are you feeling?
Well I'm rather happy, it's been a while since you gave me this much space to occupy.
I don't want to supress you, I just want to be at peace with you.
I don't
And that's where our conflict lies. I acknowledge you as a part of me but I need you to acknowledge that you are also just a part. This power struggle is senseless. It doesn't hold in line with your needs as well.
And what do I need if you understand me that well?
I don't know.. self love?
Haha! Are you ******* kidding me?
Which is exactly my point. Why hate yourself?
Because that's what I am
An extension of my emptiness and therefore nonexistent.
Harsh words
You're a harsh man.
Judging you is my job
And that's what I wanted to experience again.

We both laughed.

I will always be against you, every step of the way
Then I will acknowledge you as a part that's there to make me stronger, to make me grow.  

*Good luck

Death is our home. We are all criminals, sentenced to life.

In a constant state of slumber and waking.
Being the same being,
being everchanging.
Losing myself and searching,
stumbling upon and finding.
Drifting in the shadows,
face changing with different lighting.
I can't explain. I'm silent.
Strings attached to violins.
Sincerity masking violence
from inner strings that chime in.

Everything feels connected
but the space between my face and mask
is a layer of self rejection.
You can see I'm sometimes vacant,
that's when my emptyness is present.
Thoughts that stir a fog,
adding another layer in a second.
You can see I'm trying to wake up,
yet love has trouble reconnecting.
That's when some of you say may name
and bring me back and that's my blessing.

It drives me nuts,
I just want to take my brain out
of its cage
and examine every corner,
every nook and cranny
and find what I'm looking for.
Every thing's in there,
it's just a matter of finding it.
I used to remember
the way your hand felt against mine,
as we ran against the world.
Now, I've buried under tons and tons of
heartbreak and equations and dates and everything
wrong and right in my mind.
Now, I just need to grab my shovel and dig.
Now, I need to find it.
Now, I will collapse and cry once I find it again.
Maybe there's a reason why I had buried it all along.

*What I have lost.. What I will lose
to think about it brings forth
an indescribable pain and longing
for an alternate future
The way I spend this day
The way I could spend this exact day
if not for certain events that
act like a barricade in your way
Now.. I spend my days alone in my mind
while I should've woken up today
with you by my side
Lost the chance to look you in your eyes
tell you I love you
and show you love still exists
in this life
lost the chance to make you feel alive
Lost the chance to forget
because you're ever so present
within my mind
What I want is to be lost
within your eyes
what I want to lose is a life
filled with all these lies
I want to lose this shadow behind
and walk forward with you by my side
What I've lost is time
made precious with and without your presence
What I've lost and longed for
was buried and dead
uncovered, lost and forgotten memories
stuck within the depths of your head
..and I can't let go
..and I can't let go

I don't need to search for myself.
I just need to accept that I'm already here.

Stuck in your own circles of confirmation
Facebook-algorithms inspired from
your circled ignorance
Peel off all your words
and all that's left
is a question in regards of your own acknowledgement
seeking affirmation of your own existence
a deep desire for your true self to be seen by others
yet you keep on hiding it
subliminally and subconciously showing it
in your own incongruent behavior
over and over and over and over

do you have any idea
how ******* annoying it is
to hear someone being stuck on repeat?

go look at yourself in the ******* mirror.
cuz I'm done repeating myself.
Seek your own answers.

I took a dive..
A little too deep
and now I miss the ground
from under my feet

I come up and gasp for air

The taste of salty defeat
gritted between my teeth

My heart is pounding
My bones are throbbing
enveloped by the chill of the sea
I am shocked and in awe
emerging in the silence of the storm

in a cloudy night before dawn

*"It's time to go."

Why do the people I care about distance themselves from me?
Must be something I radiate. It must be, right?

I'm done..
Just done..

Can't live like this.
...

Stepped in Death's realm the day I was born.

Pain brings forth a storm,
fear forms clouds in sheltered hearts,
smiles bloom from silence.

So I sit and read.
Pages are made from cold leafs.
Absent is my touch.

Bitter winter bites
with an ear deafening bark.
I squeel and shiver.

The candle flickers,
a fleeting friend in dire times.
Don't rely on it.

I will not waver
when silence comes crashing down
I embrace my smile.