You are an unspoken word--

              You are the glow behind
                 thin leaves at goldenhour.

You are the stillness of
the reeds before the tide
  begins to shift—

                  You are the truth
              that promotes gratitude
                     rather than tears.

You are the long breath,
the release of anxiety
    at dusk--

              You are First, the warmth
                   that melts all of my
                     coveted selfishness.

You are the burnt cinnamon
of cardigans from those
   who are lost--

                   You are the silence
                      of crashing waves
                       and white noise.

You are all that I have come
     to love.

I sat too long.
And now,
My life has pins
And needles.

The foam forms rings
In the tide—
Like blown glass
In the light.


The space between the leaves
Shows the words
We never said.


How lonely it must be
To be the missing piece
Of a set.

Calm yourself down, child.
They spoke in gentle tones
Words suppressed, mild
Their reassurances
Sank uselessly like stones.
My fingers flicked away
Everything they claimed
To own--
Broken bones, a shriveled soul;
Who is a child
If not a fully inflated balloon,
Full to the bursting
Before scandalous wild
And shaking sorrow
Maliciously chipped away
Their countenance,
Puncturing the elastic
Until the vibrance
Lay in a thousand
Stretched pieces

I hope I have not been unkind,
Or muddled the world
With swine-like words.
Put my life on rewind;
Moonwalk my shoes
Back to the first time
I saw your eyes---
Uncertain, but kind
Did genuine disgust
Scare you away?
What can I say
To convince you
It was all a lie,
A scathing mask
Plastered on my face,
Always trying to dissuade
Unwelcome emotions
From broadcasting
Through the way
I say your name?

His mouth was a perfect ‘O’
Like the opening of a guitar,
But out of tune, dumbstruck.
There was nothing he could
Say, no words that his face
Hadn’t already expressed.
Where had he been all this
Time? To not notice the lies
Furnishing his own mouth?

Steeped in the floodgates of Heaven,
Droplets of joy, of forgotten memories,
Rain down, drenching, all-consuming—
Head tipped back, arms outstretched,
Surrounded by the crash of heartache.
Perfection mingling with humanity, tears
Beating pleas of grace and compassion
Into the stained minds on the sidewalk.

A vacancy of support,
Sweetness submerged,
A saving grace
In the tug of a door--
Melodies over currents,
An angel on her back,
Meeting her Lord.

I let the anxiety crash over me,
Like a barreling wave—
The whitewash dragging me under,
My body a helpless doll
FIlled with the question of “up.”
My eyes stung from the salt
And my hair lassoed my throat,
Until I had no choice
But to succomb to the ravaging
And hope that I would, someday,
   come up for air.

I feel the wrongness
In realization--
Safe on a small ottoman,
Memories aching--
They are yet to be made.
I worry they never will be.
My heart stutters,
The first awakening,
Panic sets in as I return
To the film set of my mistakes--
The tape begins rolling.
Take one, take two,
How can you stop a polaroid
From forming
Once the flash has gone off?
I worry my lessons learned
Are not enough.
Hide my face, pretend not to
See him enter the room--
I know,
I cannot
hide my heart
from You.