Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
84 · Sep 2024
A-ok
Sia Harms Sep 2024
The weight of generations
Stuttered his steps--
Young legs, agile mind,
An intimidation
To new, unsung conversations.
But in small moments
of deeply anchored words
and acts of casual kindness,
The softness of his heart
was shown underneath.
His hands fidgeted with a knife
Constantly, a butterfly
Flittering through his fingers--
was that the speed of his thoughts?
What did he think, when he wandered
Through creeks of God’s creation?
He kept his hair long, as if afraid
to release the past,
But he clearly showcased
The Lord’s word on his back, deaf
To the rebuking voices.
Fluent in rolling jests, but also
Drawing wisdom as if from the earth,
I thought he was talking to me. . .
One time. . . but I can never seem
To look people in the eyes.
Who is he, Lord?
84 · Dec 2024
Supposed to
Sia Harms Dec 2024
I was
Supposed to be good at it.
The words were supposed to flow,
Unconditionally. I was supposed
To make grown adults huddle
Under their bedsheets, booklight
Spreading a faint halo over the
Pages in a way they hadn’t done
Since they were a child.

I was
Supposed to be a storyteller;
A way for people to feel heard
As they escaped from a world
They wished they didn’t know—
But, now, at least, understood a
Little better. I was supposed to. . .
I was supposed to. . . Did I
Overestimate myself?

I was never
A prolific writer, brimming with
The prose that made the final
Page of a book feel like a funeral;
But I thought I could craft people
That resonated, that seemed real--
It seems I was wrong.  

I was
Supposed to realize what I wanted

To be a long, long time ago, and
Now. . . Well, now, I'm only
Supposed to move on.
83 · Oct 2024
temporary connections
Sia Harms Oct 2024
There was a transience to the laughs,
A way it all fell out of focus--
Bright for an instant, only to diminish
Into something that never existed.

Slick-tongued quips and smiles
Enticed by a topical instance,
How do I feel knowing
That nothing is lasting?

An umbrella of headphones,
And an open bible--
The world is never constant,
But Jesus is the exception.
He is not of this world, yet He bore it for us.
83 · Feb 12
Wannabe Songwriter
Sia Harms Feb 12
Words do not translate as lyrics—
They become fumbled and awkward.

Why do they crumble when I voice
Them aloud?

Isn’t volume supposed to give words
Power?

Blisters sear my fingers, disappointment
Blooms,

And I realize I can only sing the songs
Of others.
82 · Mar 31
all my thanks
Sia Harms Mar 31
his head tipped back
with laughter--
as if thanking
the Heavens
for the Joy
rushing through him.
82 · Mar 29
Yours to Untie
Sia Harms Mar 29
I prayed as I tied the laces together,
Bowing my head over the red converse.
They were not shoes anymore, in my mind.
Only a promise.

A testament that no hand other than Gods’
Could untie the knot chucked high in the trees.

They hung dismally, striving for the ground,
Toward earthly things.

The plan He knitted in the womb, His providence,
Lay over the thread, cinching it together and
Aloft towards the heavens, until it was time
For Him to Untie me.
82 · Feb 24
I Am Nothing :)
Sia Harms Feb 24
I am nothing.
I smile with the thought.
Because Jesus

Is Everything.
82 · Mar 28
It is Empty. I am Not.
Sia Harms Mar 28
The fragility of my heart
Was pressed into a thinly
Chained locket, grown
Pale and tarnished
In the hands
Of all those who 

Thought they knew me.

They tried to pry me open,
Breaking their nails in
The attempt to
Find the one thing
That kept their words
From hurting me.

But if they opened the
Heart-shaped cavity, they

Would find only the
Emptiness that reminded
Me of the world’s promises
And their futility.

A necklace of the World
Could not hold the Love
God had threaded into
My heart for eternity.
82 · Nov 2024
In Nostalgia
Sia Harms Nov 2024
it was a sweet downpour,
sprinkling on her nose
Like freckles. 


there was no one to watch,
no one to please,

Only Jesus.

the flowers lollygagged
and her skirt swished,
She laughed.

the sound flooded the wind,
her palms facing up,
Nose crinkled.

she was a little girl again,
yellow wellingtons in puddles,
Without a shadow.

it was a sweet downpour,
she spun and spun,
In nostalgia.
82 · Feb 10
Missing the Point
Sia Harms Feb 10
The question of how to communicate
Has always plagued me.

I once knew, when I was little, before
People called me bossy.

But I slowly unlearned, thinking that
Timidity was preferable.

It was more acceptable to society
For my words to fumble.

But why is that? Why are words so
Feared when truthful?

Can we not simply speak our minds,
Refusing to sugarcoat?

I have always thought the sugary rim
Of a glass too bitter.

It leaves a sour taste in my mouth,
Resembling a sweet lie.

How do we learn to communicate
Properly, when forever
Serving frosting off sharp knives?
82 · Oct 2024
[no entry]
Sia Harms Oct 2024
I am a window that is painted shut;
The sides won’t budge
Even with the glass cracked.

Burglars can try all they like,
But their hands become fatigued
And they only leave with a sigh—

But not all of them wear
Black ski caps--and I cannot
Seem to loosen, even for those
With placid requests and
Baby’s breath hands,
Gentle as they try to pry open
All that is against them.
82 · Feb 24
community prayer
Sia Harms Feb 24
The community sat in silence
On the peak of a mountain,

The clouds stretching below
And the chill of dusk sinking
Into their bones like a sincere
Apology.
82 · May 22
Worship
Sia Harms May 22
Rended heartstrings
on a beat-up guitar,
A voice trying to
reach heaven—

The borders between
souls merge, only
Family in the air of
the Spirit—
81 · Nov 2024
Sky's Sorrow
Sia Harms Nov 2024
Gratified storm clouds,
Rain that never stops,
Slowing its downpour—
Did all of those tears
Travel down the drains,
Through the aquaducts,
To the Earth’s core?

Has that become the
Epicenter of our world:
The Sky's Sorrow?
81 · Nov 2024
Unconnected
Sia Harms Nov 2024
A blue face and lidded eyes,
A bright smile and a skip
To a step, chestnut hair
And pouting lips--I sit
Minding my own business,
******* watching those
Flicker through life
Around me—
Would there be a day,
When I would merely
Look into unfamiliar
Eyes, and see words?
Or know the struggles
That girl in bell-jeans
Scrawls in her journal?
I stay sitting, not knowing
How I love so many people,
Not knowing how I could
Possibly add one more—
Lord, who do you want
In my circle?
81 · Sep 2024
Loquacious
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Blasphemy,
He had a whole page
Of facts about me--
An entire biography
I had written myself
From blabbering.
But when I set down
To write his,
Only a name
Was scrawled in ink--
Kind words? A bright face?
But what did he look like
When the moon only shone
On glass fragments,
And the air turned dark
From the absence of voices?
I saw Jesus in his heart;
He spread his abounding love
By simply talking with those
Who were looked down upon.
But besides his acts from afar,
What do I know that he has told me
In hushed, timbre tones,
Sober with intentionality?
Shame-faced, I think
“Nothing.”
80 · Sep 2024
Comfortable Silence
Sia Harms Sep 2024
When I think of a field,
Covered in dew,
Blanketed by night
And a smattering of stars,
I think of you--
Lying outstretched
In a copse of grass
Beside me,
Pouring out our hearts
To our lord and savior,
Jesus.
80 · Feb 4
My Faith is a Sword
Sia Harms Feb 4
My faith is a sword,
Edged with love,
Weighted by grace,
Balanced by the
Sacrifice of Jesus.
80 · Jan 23
choice of Darkness
Sia Harms Jan 23
The metal protested
As you twisted the bulb
Into place.

It screamed, not wanting
To light up, preferring
Darkness.

Without it, we could not see,
But that did not change its
Preference.

Despondency resided in
The shadows of a high
Ceiling.

It needed your stubborn,
Caring hands to change its
Perspective.
We cannot be helped if we don't choose to be. Do we burden those who love us more by refusing to help ourselves, by refusing to let them assist?
Only Jesus was able to draw me from the darkness.
80 · Sep 2024
how to say it . . ?
Sia Harms Sep 2024
That’s not what I meant,
How come erasers
don’t offer recompense?
Should’ve used a pencil, not a pen,
As I tried to make sense
of the contents of my head--
Fumbling with my hand,
Trying to use my left,
To craft an illegible land
I am bound to forget.
80 · Nov 2024
Ceramic Trust
Sia Harms Nov 2024
My hesitancy
Is a china cup, held
Aloft delicately, my
Pinky extended
As if it held
All the timorous
Hope of childhood
I've refused to
Keep with me.
80 · Mar 7
So Tired
Sia Harms Mar 7
Bespeckled awnings under the eaves
Of a sloped roof, peeling, drooping
Windows that slept like a little girl,
Tired from school.

The streets were crooked, and the
Smiles glaringly bright in the dusk-
Tinted light—photographs with the
Flash accidentally left on.

People curled up under knarled,
Grumpy oaks, and the children
Shivered on damp basement
Floors, oblivious.

The cold became the normal,
And comfort was everything
All the other kids complained
About at home.

As the sun snored through the hills,
Souls of heavy bones made their
Dark circles deeper, and their hearts
More full of holes.

The daytime was merely the presence
Of light—it ceased to mean anything

More. Fatigue grew a body and helped
Clear the trash after dark.
80 · Nov 2024
Life is a Gift.
Sia Harms Nov 2024
What did I do to deserve a life?
Of what, it doesn’t matter—
What beauty God must see
In the creation of His image,
Forever corrupted, but His.
Like a child that has wronged
Her father, but her look
Of wide-eyed repentance
Only makes his heart exhale,
Overflowing with love
For the child who knows
Better, or maybe doesn’t,
And only wants to heal
Her broken parts—
A life of joy, of sadness,
But a life nonetheless,
One that I do not deserve
In the slightest—He gifted
Me out of the most profound
Love I couldn’t imagine
Save for the fatherly arms so
So often wrapt around me,
Reassuring, though the air
Is empty—I can feel His

Grace in this life that I live.
He is everywhere, inside all of us, even if we are not deserving of the joy that is Him.
79 · Sep 2024
comfortable chaos
Sia Harms Sep 2024
I often think,
when scrimmaging
Among traffic,
that the city seems to
Swallow you.
Isn’t it strange,
how some people
Find that comforting?
78 · Jan 26
I am Drying Paint.
Sia Harms Jan 26
I am drying paint.

I sit back and watch

Myself grow less glossy,

More dull and emotionless.
78 · Jan 18
social battery
Sia Harms Jan 18
My fingers began to ache
As they waved—
As if the bones dislocated
From the enthusiasm.

My smile suddenly felt
Small and inconsequential,
Forced as it stretched
My dry skin.

I was swaying back & forth,
Drained by all of this
Social interaction.
77 · Oct 2024
life migraine
Sia Harms Oct 2024
There are hands against my temples,
Pressing, squeezing, building tension
Like a band slowly constricting
Around my head, over my eyelids.
I squint and continue my day,
Knowing my knuckles won’t be able

To massage the aching away--
Even as I force myself to focus
And ignore the whiplash of a knife
Slashing through my mind—
I am only as present as the willpower
I possess, despite my pain.
77 · Mar 7
Lost Time into Prayer
Sia Harms Mar 7
The moment was negligible;
It was a sparse bridge
Of minutes, simply hanging
In the air. I could have sat
And stared at the wall.
I could have sighed
And pulled out my phone.
But a niggling, patient voice
Broke into my thoughts,
And weighed heavily
Upon my neck,
Until my head bowed
And my hair fell over my ears,
Turning a couple lost minutes
Into a private conversation
With God.
77 · Apr 27
weak or strong?
Sia Harms Apr 27
His shirt flagged in the wind,
One of the marks designating
Danger, riptides.

There was a lankness to his
Frame, an objectivity to the
Way he stood.

He did not blink as salt flew
In his eyes—unmoving as the
Tide lapped.

His shoulders were pinched,
As if clothesline pins held him
To the spot.

The seagulls bawked at his
Indecision, the sea welcoming
Him into its folds.

Was it the cold of the waves
That showed him the warmth

Of his body?

The life had grown dormant
Inside of him, but he felt it
Then, unfurling.

No one called out for him,
Voices were plastic bags,
Litter in the wind.

His unexplained cowardice
Was his saving grace, the
Treasure unseen.
Jesus' hand lays on my heart, giving me strength to keep moving.
77 · May 2
the Engineer
Sia Harms May 2
A fraying string, sagging down,
A bridge fallen into a chasm—
My head heavy on its stem,
Joints all dislocated—
A pile of mismatched items,
Their use, coalition, unclear
To my strained eyes—
Gaze lifted beyond understanding,
The silken Spirit reached down,
Using the useless parts
For His enduring plan.
77 · Sep 2024
midnight suns
Sia Harms Sep 2024
A somber corner--
It’s too dark to see
My form huddled there.
I sat alone at lunch,
Waiting, side-eyeing
The lonely souls on
Benches around me.
Was I truly surprised,
When none of them
Approached me?

Somehow, the air
Grew less dense, &
My words quivered
Less, when I trusted
That, perhaps, the
Downcast eyes and
Gangly frames, full
Of feigned belonging
And misguided hopes,
Only needed a voice
To come and ask a
Genuine question of:
“Do you know your
Savior's love?”
“Do you see a face
In the stars?”

“What do you think of
When you zone out at
The wall, and your gaze
Glasses over?”
Nobody asked me
Anything other than
Silly, scandalous remarks--
But I learned not to respond
And seek out those who were
Willing to sit on tin roofs &
Contemplate the reasons
For moral midnight suns,
And Jesus' love, instead.
76 · Mar 1
My Mind's Lisp
Sia Harms Mar 1
The voice in my mind
Has a lisp—
My thoughts slur
Together,
Never fully coherent.
It is sweet,
In a way. But I wish
I could
Speak clearly, with
Conviction,
Instead of gaining
My willpower
In too-late moments.
76 · Dec 2024
I am a Mime
Sia Harms Dec 2024
Lord, I am a mime, pounding
On the invisible walls of my
Own life, suffocating in a box
I didn’t know surrounded me—
Where is the key? Is there a
Loose brick, a fissure in the
Dam? The silence is deafening,
And water begins to pool at
My feet, slowly rising—I call
For help, but my words are
Warbled, incoherent and lost
As they richoet back to me.
The mortar scrapes my fists,
Making the air ******, and I
Call out to you, Lord; I ask
For you to be my home, my
Foundation, not this craggly
Prison I incased myself in—
So many years of building
The walls of distrust as the
Water of anxiety mills about
Me—Lord, let me breathe, fill
My lungs with your spirit and
The love I have been avoiding.
75 · Sep 2024
My Memory
Sia Harms Sep 2024
A screeching train
reminiscent of an owl
And a screaming child
strands of experiences
All tangled together
75 · Feb 6
He Pumps my Heart
Sia Harms Feb 6
Sometimes I feel
God’s hand
Around my heart,
knowing
He the only reason
It continues
beating.
Every pulse that
Shudders through me,
Is the pressure of
His love,
His hand pumping
my blood
With His enduring
plan for me.
75 · Oct 2024
the way of things
Sia Harms Oct 2024
Is it wrong to feel sorry
About a circumstance
And a split decision,
Yet not regret it
In the slightest?
I could still see
The slump in his eyes,
The blue tinge
Creeping over his
Expression, trying
To hide it as
He smiled through
The rest of the night.
I will always feel bad
For being the cause
of that—and I’m not sure
If it makes it harder
Or only more reassuring,
Feeling this resolute
Peace that it was Right,
That it had to happen.
75 · Sep 2024
Perpetually Failing
Sia Harms Sep 2024
I am forever failing,
Falling short
Of all my expectations.
I wince to start things,
Because I see all the ways
It could go wrong.
But, in that, I continue to fail.
I am less than I ever imagined,
I have whittled myself down
To nothing.
If only I could embrace that,
And go into things
With the mindset of someone
Seeing a collection of ideas
And swerving parts,
Knowing it might take
A thousand tries to get it right
--To turn such a mess into
Such a smiling creation--
But who dives in nonetheless,
Basking in the failure,
Using it to propel them further,
And when it turns to success,

They turn around and search
For a new way to fail.
I am forever failing—
But who said that was a bad thing?
74 · Sep 2024
Am I Here?
Sia Harms Sep 2024
A wrangled diaphanous existence--
I swam through window-panes,
Staring blankly at apartments.
Was my hand always this pale?

A slow capillary refill, a body
not worth the stale mass
I occupied within hollow walls.
74 · Feb 15
I Expect it Now
Sia Harms Feb 15
Commitment.
It was a suitcase,
by the door.

Alligator skin
& a sqeaky wheel.

How many
times

Have I
watched it

Disappear?
God never leaves.
74 · Feb 24
turn to Him
Sia Harms Feb 24
The words reached out and
Gripped me.
They held the collar
Of my shirt.
But they were not harsh.
They did not
Push me into the wall.
They simply
Held me so I would not
Turn my head
When they proclaimed
“I Love You.”
Jesus loves us all, no matter what we tell ourselves.
74 · Sep 2024
look Closely
Sia Harms Sep 2024
His smile broke apart his face, after the years.
There was a slowness to the way he moved,
An energy that slowly waned--
Even when he reassured all he was alight,
His flames appeared to have died out--
Yet, none saw this, until his body lay dry
And lifeless in a wooden crate--
The light leaving his skin
And ruining the illusion
That had taken him a lifetime to create.
73 · Nov 2024
Harmless Steel
Sia Harms Nov 2024
I am made of melted steel,
Sitll holding the title
Of something malicious,
Piercing and lethal--
But in a state that is
Defenseless, harmless,
Unable to defend itself
When approached
With something other

Than words.
72 · Feb 4
l o s t E m p a t h y
Sia Harms Feb 4
The reminders

             Slunk away

When I was no longer

         S  t ruggling--
  
For I did not

              Understand

How they could not

         R  e form

Like I did--
Sometimes when we get better, we forget how the depths felt. It's so important, more even, to understand other's perspectives.
I hate when I forget that.
72 · Mar 16
Yellow Trucks
Sia Harms Mar 16
My patience was a yellow, rusted truck
Running low on fuel and puffing a cloud
Of smoke behind it as it rattled down
The road.

My frustration was the click click click
Of my blinker, and the flashing light
Reminding me to change my oil.

I drove circles around this town,
Following a route I had mapped out
In my head--but I failed to see how
It only enforced the anxiety of
My heart, mirrored in the clattering

Of my truck’s engine.

I fell behind in my navigating,
Missing lights as ambulances rushed
Past, disrupting the rigid routine
I liked because of its familiarity.

One day, as I reached for the handle
Of the failing trajectory of my life, yellow
Yet sad in the morning light, a man
Brighter than any paint color, walked
Up to me and extended his hand.

“This is not the plan I have for you.”
He said. “Come to me, for I will
Give you rest.”

It was too good to be true—
How could I trust a man promising
The world?

Yet, that is where I was wrong.
He was not offering the world,
But eternal life and love in the
Wholeness of His image.

I let my arm drop to my side,
Away from the smoking lump
Of my car, and felt the earnestness
Of His expression.

Forgetting the yellow frame beside me,
I took His hand, and began to walk,
The swaying of the leaves suddenly
Peaceful, and the rushing of the cars
Humming gracefully.

Everything that was a source of anxiety,
Faded into the background, and I felt only
The point of contact between me
And my Savior.
Matthew 11:28
71 · Nov 2024
white noise
Sia Harms Nov 2024
I am filled with the white noise

Of anxiety—a silver car
Slashing through the night,

Headlights flickering.

I did not see it hit me.

Nor did I feel when it left.
did it ever really leave?

The humming of its engine
Is ever present in my heart
And in my head.

Am I on the side of the road,
Or am I lying comfortably
In a cushioned chaise?


It makes no difference.

The environment does not
Alter the metal sponge
Chafing my thoughts,
Trying to clean them,
Brutal and rough,

I am filled with so much—

Why can’t I seem to choose
What my heart consists of?
71 · Dec 2024
Bathwater
Sia Harms Dec 2024
My fingers have started to prune
And my eyes have begun to dull.
I look at the ***** bath water
And wonder if I’m getting old,
Or if I have only sat in stagnant
Water for too long, waiting for
It to clear, waiting for the power
To go out despite knowing that
All this time, I had the choice
To stand up and drain the tub.
71 · Jan 27
regressive
Sia Harms Jan 27
They say our brains
Mature over the years.
But what if they only
Destroy themselves before
they can be fully formed?
71 · Apr 13
Take me Home
Sia Harms Apr 13
“I want to go home.”

I said the words
Like a child,
The world suddenly
So big, so daunting.

Someone kneeled
Before me.
It didn’t matter who,
And said,
“This is your home,”

Confusion was slanted
On the front door
I had painted,
So long ago.

Still, it was
not my home.

I turned away,
Tears on my skin,
And tipped my head back. 


“Lord, why won’t you
Take me home?”

The trees warbled
As I walked down streets
I hardly knew. 


“You are needed here.
I am not done with you.
Have faith, Child.”
Sia Harms May 2
Walking on the outskirts,
A smile crimped clean,
Holding on to the hope
Of leftover’s satiation.
Fifty feet away, zoom in
Until it’s almost like you’re
There, meeting success,
Your arm laden with their
Coats, falling into the idea
That you’re worth only
The change in the pockets.

Your hands grip around
Your midsection, thoughts
Cinching chains on your
Potential--uncurl them.
Watch the static in your
Hair loosen as you give
Yourself up to the arms
Of the only opinion that
Matters, the only love that
Can disprove the doubts
Of this insatiable world.
He sees us as clean, covered by His son's blood. Is he proud of us as we follow Him, or does he shake His head as we take His sacrifice for granted?
71 · Sep 2024
Rumination.
Sia Harms Sep 2024
My thoughts are frantic
Over acts I committed,
small things,
tiny,
Are they even strange
in the eyes of the receiver?
Or am I imagining my fault
In something with
wide-eyes,
and genuine curiosity?
My mouth betrays me.
I convince myself daily.
But is it merely my rumination,
The after effects
of insecurity and faulty reason,
That make me strangle myself
With doubt and worry?
Next page