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188 · Feb 15
entertaining?
Sia Harms Feb 15
When I doubled over,
Knees landing hard
On the gravel,
I imagined I was an
Art installation--
A prospect of pain
For people to marvel at.
186 · Sep 2024
How else to communicate?
Sia Harms Sep 2024
My eyes were deep holes,
Boring into him,
Mouth sluggish as it
Searched for the words;
But they were malformed,
They were broken limbs,
Unable to be righted
So, I pulled out a pen
And placed the paper
in his hands. Read this.

I spoke slow, measured
Because written word
Was yet to fail me
Compared to the treachery
Of my weighted tongue
176 · Feb 24
Forest of His Love
Sia Harms Feb 24
I am a downed tree slowly
Shedding its rough bark,
Growing pale & vulnerable
In the forest of Your love.
176 · Oct 2024
Say It
Sia Harms Oct 2024
She spoke as if she wasn’t sure
If the words formed by her lips
Were really hers—only uncertainties,
Fairies flitting convoluted ideas
Through her mind’s eye.
Was it too much to say?
Did she truly want to give all
The pieces of herself away? 

It was too much. . .
They would not understand. . .
Dark lashes framing tired eyes,
Life was harder than she thought.
What if she wasn’t the unwavering light
She was supposed to be?
So many insecurities,
Yet none so powerful
As the red-limned thought
That Jesus would not know her,
And she would fall into the pits--
Welcome only to darkness
And the cold, cold smiles
Of the Enemies who succeeded.
Sia Harms Apr 25
Rolled tight with insecurities,
A coat to protect me from the cold.
Knowledge deflects hurt.
I hate, and I hate, and I hate--
So your hatred can never pierce
The enmity I have already created.
I take care of them like animals,
Plants, fueling the dislike,
Until compliments hurt me more
Than any insult ever did.
170 · May 14
In prayer
Sia Harms May 14
It was drenched in the weight
Of water from free-flowing rivers,
Cut from the beams of an old,
Soulful church, pulling me away
From the temporary things that
Surrounded, and into the presence
Of my benevolent Father.
Let the world fall away
in prayer.
168 · Apr 9
compromise
Sia Harms Apr 9
I can’t be

Happiness

Today, but

Let me be

Kindness.
165 · Jan 25
have you Overheard yet?
Sia Harms Jan 25
There is no one here
Besides me and You.

Why do I keep looking
Behind, as if searching
For prying eyes I secretly
Wish to be there?

I only want Your hands
Holding my heart.
I only want Your words
Carrying merit in my life.

But my concentration
Has shattered, and I
Continue to search
For the affirmations

of the world.
163 · Oct 2024
Laryngitis
Sia Harms Oct 2024
I had lost my voice—

Was it from screaming,

Or staying silent?
161 · Feb 27
Just Words
Sia Harms Feb 27
It was a careless murmur,
Spoken on a belated night,
Settling itself in the air
As they spoke on and on.
The words meant nothing
To them.
“Grandma passed away,
Oh yeah. . .”
“Because I love you,
But see. . .”
“Remember your aunt?
She died.”
They were soft words,
Meant to be recieved
Lightly, on silent hands—
But they were surrounded
By so many others, all
Tangled around, until
They didn’t feel real

Anymore.
160 · Feb 18
S t i l l W o r l d
Sia Harms Feb 18
I love when the sky's eyes are sinking,
               as if sluggish,
the wind a soft melody hummed
           through a tired, but resigned
                      mother’s lips.

There is so much life in the air
    at dusk;
              but it is gentle:
                             The soft rushing of cars,
              far off yowls from stray cats,
a muted conversation between
          a strolling couple.

I feel lost in this world, but somehow
     that makes me feel
                         more at peace--
Because in this moment,
        there is no
               pressure on me.
156 · Jan 30
Filling the Quota
Sia Harms Jan 30
Her steps were measured,
As if she counted each one,
Filling a quota.

Not too much, not too little,
She could not be too humble,
Nor ambitious.

But she could also not be too
Small and indifferent, or else
She would fail.
156 · 4d
waiting in change
Sending out doves,
Hopes on a shelf,
Past momentos
Gathered in dust,
The state of myself,
Immobile in mess,
Watching windows
For every answer,
Sunken deep under
Paralyzed duress.
155 · Oct 2024
stubborn.
Sia Harms Oct 2024
Tattoos on the inside
Of my eyelids;
I saw the words
Every day—
How come I still
Never listened?
154 · May 22
walking on water
Sia Harms May 22
I let the pool widen at my feet,
The vanity of myself leaking
From my body, gathering at
My ankles, forming an ocean.

One day, as I no longer relied
On my own strength, I saw
I was walking on the water
Of Grace.
153 · Oct 2024
vicarious Grief
Sia Harms Oct 2024
An unknown sadness,
A blue fog settling
Over my surroundings,
No apparent reason—
Only the thought
That, perhaps, someone
Had no one to feel
The ache of their absence.
152 · Jan 31
unemployed Heart
Sia Harms Jan 31
The timetable was slanted,
Askew in the dusty light.
No one had checked in,
Nor out, in years.
What was that sound,
That beating of the walls?
I stood in my empty heart.
151 · Nov 2024
it's a plane.
Sia Harms Nov 2024
Arms under my head,
Folded and clasped,
With the cold concrete
Beneath my back.
The stars mirror
In my eyes, but as
I blink, I notice the red
Dots flickering on and off.
Suddenly, the sky full
Of stars is only littered
With machines and
Metal birds.
The darkness.
The city lies.
I shiver.
146 · Dec 2024
stage props
Sia Harms Dec 2024
Did the mouths open wide,
Leaving lasting screeches
Into the bullet-swept air—
Birds singing sorrowfully
On their breaking perch?
Or were their lips pinched
Closed, knowing their loved
Ones were too far to hear
Them call? So many bodies,
Silent, as if they were set
There like stage props.
140 · Apr 10
where power lies
Sia Harms Apr 10
The playful, jumbled emotions--
Used to hiding in the shadows
And thriving on adrenaline from
The unknown--settled down with
The gentle light of conversation.

Their proficiency for chaos
Fell when they realised
Secrecy had split into
Quiet resignation.
139 · Nov 2024
Understanding?
Sia Harms Nov 2024
Unending frustration
Over the workings
Of a brain I did not
Design—and knowledge
That its shortcomings
Revolve around a reason,
One that is perfect,
And not the vacillating
Mess I condemn of it.
Why must I want to be
Anyone but the person
Under these meninges? 

I am not who think I am,
But who is that to

Begin with?
138 · Sep 2024
Trellis of Doubt
Sia Harms Sep 2024
She never met his eyes.
it was not intentional,
Yet she knew it was not right.
Perhaps she was afraid
That once he saw the trellis
To her mind, he would climb inside
and realize she was a fraud.
137 · Sep 2024
Insistent Isolation
Sia Harms Sep 2024
I am forever distant--
Like pollen once it
has left on the wind,
Isolated in a home
With little windows
and temporal silence.
I see no fault
in being vulnerable
And open, anymore--
But these guarders,
still cover my words.

The sheen of ice
On a frozen lake,
So much underneath,
yet never shown--
Because no feet
Dare to walk on it,
Or come close enough
to break its surface.
the moment when you realize that you are meant to be alone, at least for a time, is a hard one to swallow.
136 · Apr 17
only His love
Sia Harms Apr 17
“Why can’t I feel it, Lord?”
He leans back in my chest,
A sigh, a tilt of the head,
The firelight gentle as it
Glazes the side of His face.
“Are you looking for My love,
   Or a feeling you already know?”
His love is unlike anything we have ever known. It is something this earth cannot provide.
134 · Feb 3
Tear-Stained Paper
Sia Harms Feb 3
The mailbox was buckled
From so many unread words
Being forced through its tired
Opening.

Voices guffawed at the
Blaring junk papers that
Lined it, scrunched with the
Residue of dusty carlessness.

How many letters had simply
Been thrown in the dustbin?

How many envelopes were
Something more than stark
Black words on unfeeling
Paper?

The mailbox knew it was
Cruel, but it missed the
Times of war.

It missed the tear-stained
Paper and the words that
actually
                  meant
                                         something.
133 · Jun 7
Oiling Faith
Sia Harms Jun 7
It hurts my mind
To slow.
My legs creak
And whine
As I move to sit.
Broiled pain
Lidded by activity—
I could smile
And smile, only my
Need calls
And sits me down
With gentle
Hands: Love, stop
And pray.
132 · Apr 27
Safety Measure
Sia Harms Apr 27
My loyalty blinded me
To the absence of feelings,
The construct I had created
To ward off unwanted emotions.
The position was filled—
An unattainable relationship
I chose on purpose, imagining
Butterflies when there were none.
A glowing heart, but one
That did not align with mine.
I was loyal to a safety measure,
My eyes seeing no one else in that
Enamoring light—
129 · Oct 2024
Eyes of Others
Sia Harms Oct 2024
Why do we close our eyes
During prayer?


Is it to feel the solitary
Presence of Jesus,
Or only to distance ourselves
From the judging eyes
We self-consciously perceive
And create comparisons 

Based on, because the World
Consistently draws our attention
And distracts from the only
Opinion that matters? 


The Enemy sure does love
the eyes of others.
128 · Sep 2024
To you, i'm a Showman
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Look at the time,
Its right on your wrist--
How could you have missed
That one little moment?
It seemed so very big
But to you,
I’m only a showman--
With nothing but lists
Of commands
And tired jazz hands
128 · Apr 10
Shema
Sia Harms Apr 10
Shema—

His words leak
Into the stones
Of the pasture wall,
Into the folds of
My heart.

Shema—

Open our ears
And let our actions

Reflect the love
Of our God.

Shema—

Listen closely;
Let our attention
Wander over the
Goodness of
His word.

Shema—

With all our heart,
Strength, and soul,
Desire the guidance
He provides out of
The love we cannot
Understand.

Shema—

Help us comprehend,
Lord, open our ears
To who You are.

Shema—
"Shema" is the Hebrew word for 'listen'
123 · Oct 2024
Beached
Sia Harms Oct 2024
There was not much
Color left in me—
My cheeks were sullen,
Translucent in the sun--
And my hands seemed
To be incapable
Of any and all things.

I sat in despondency,
Letting my skin turn
To the muffled grey
Of radio waves
And confused voices.

Where was I?

I was working toward
The tide that had
Already pulled backwards,
Away from my feet—
And would not swell again
Until my legs had long
Stopped working.

I am buried in sand
On a littered beach,
Surrounded by the
Plastic waste
Of my past discrepancies.
123 · Apr 27
Crown of Grace
Sia Harms Apr 27
My bones sighed,

Crossing under me

in a field of rest.

I braided flowers,

Weaving my worries

into a crown of grace.
Sia Harms Oct 2024
I imagined that once I was surrounded
By hills of green felt and descending
Fog, that I would find the words
Settle on my tongue—
My hand would feel sure,
Clenched around a pencil,
And soft atop keys--
But I also knew, that I might
Just sit there, framed by the misted
Windows, limned in condensation,
And stare at the words that would not form.
120 · Sep 2024
why the rush, why the rush?
Sia Harms Sep 2024
They ordered velocity at the top of the list,
Pure speed the most high of achievements.
She was young, a famed prodigy
But her talents were no longer relevant
When her limbs lengthened
And her skin began to lose definition
For who wants anyone ordinary?
If only you can race to the goalpost,
swing your flag, and keep running
Quick, quick, because time
And other’s disappointment
Is chasing at your feet.
But when that day finally comes
Where you can no longer continue

At that break-neck speed,
And people cease
To acknowledge your feats,
Will there be anything left
In you to keep striving?
Or have you burned out too quickly?
119 · Nov 2024
Daughter of God
Sia Harms Nov 2024
[who am I?]
                                                             ­      Hardworking and determined,
                                                     ­          Statistics on a spreadsheet—
                                         That is all I am. 


                                                I have to be reminded that
                               I am not simply my resumé--
            I am full of love and passion,
Overflowing with the Holy Spirit.

My misdirected goals are only fuel for
         The accomplishments He has already
                   Ordained before my first screeching.
                                       --There is always time to pivot.

                                                      A daughter of God,
                                                            That­ is all I am.
118 · Dec 2024
Cross Necklace
Sia Harms Dec 2024
All we’re living for. . .
With time, does that
Statement degrade?
Do we tweak it, here 

And there, justifying
The smallest changes?
Like an engine, pulled
Apart, piece by piece,
And re-assembled with
Shiny, new parts that
Have never been tested,
Do we remember the
Original, or have we
Burned the blueprints?
“I choose Jesus.” He
Thinks that the cross
Below his collarbone
Is enough, that it saves
All of the choices he
Never brings to God--
Is it weighing on him?
He uses scripture as a
Means to his own end,
But Jesus knows his
Heart, and He does not
Want a necklace--He
Wants well-intentioned
Thoughts & choked
Words that he cannot
Speak aloud to anyone
Else—He wants him
To see that his back is
Turned, that his hand is
******, & that he faints
To ask what his true
Motivations are. A
Cross necklace does
Not disguise a failing
Heart--and God only
Asks what it is he's
Living & fighting for?
117 · Jan 23
what Kind of love?
Sia Harms Jan 23
We pretend to know
The deepest of emotions,
The most burning love
As it scathes our lives.
Do we think the pain of it
Is pleasurable, simply
Because we cannot
Comprehend the Love
Only God understands?
117 · Mar 16
Business or Pleasure?
Sia Harms Mar 16
I hung back, scared of what
The wall between us would do
If I came any closer.
The silence wound around my
Throat, and my eyes searched
For something to latch onto.
Was it the forced civility that
Made our conversations feel
Like a business deal?
Or was that truly how we felt?
115 · Apr 19
Between Words
Sia Harms Apr 19
I walked between words—
In the silence of pauses,
And the panic of hiccups,
On the cusp of outbursts,
At the end of confessions—
My shoulders brushed the
Sides of the alcoves, soft
And indefinite as they
Thrummed with possibility.
115 · Sep 2024
perservere
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Wings are unnecessary.
We do not need them
To leave the nest.
They add a flight of risk,
A freedom full of aesthetic
--But perhaps
It is more poetic
To dig your beak
Into the cypress,
Lowering yourself,
With each wood chip
A hole in the descent
To unfeathered freedom.
113 · Sep 2024
wait it out
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Let the rain
Crawl over your face,
Enter your pores and
Huddle there for shelter
From their own storm.
113 · Sep 2024
let it dry . . . ?
Sia Harms Sep 2024
[Impatience. Uncertainty.
How do you know when it's done drying?]

I could smell the asphalt
As the road was paved,
A perfect rendition
Of all I hoped to achieve.
Did I step too early,
Making indents,
That could not be removed?
Did I stand by, as a storm
Passed through, and
Knocked over trees
Onto the drying ground?
Or was I the storm,
Taking chainsaws
To the cypress trunks,
Muddying the path
I had anxiously anticipated?
And was it that very nervousness
That made me finish
Before I had even started?
112 · Dec 2024
sour assumptions
Sia Harms Dec 2024
It had been years;
Yet I still felt like
The kid sitting
At a small, silent
Lemonade stand,
Watching the cars
Pass by and the
Ice melt, clinking
Together in the
Celebratory ‘cheers’
I imagined people
Said as they drove
By, smiling and
Laughing at my
Continued failure.
112 · Sep 2024
Somnambulance
Sia Harms Sep 2024
i lived in somnambulism,
Going through the motions,
Finding myself curled
ontop of the refrigerator,
Working surrounded
by walls of grey tears,
Seeing faces only as
muffled blurs of color,
Pinching my arm,
Banging on doors,
none of which worked.
I was awake only in my fear
of living the rest of my life
Submerged in the bleary
Tape of a damaged
camera roll.
112 · Sep 2024
fake a smile
Sia Harms Sep 2024
Ribaldric sentences,
Laughs and smiles
that we never meant.
Did either of us really want 

to chat that way?
Or was it a feigned requirement
we made up in our heads
Because we were taught,
as bumbling kids,
That something good
should always be bright,
Cheery, with no room
for the dark questions
And hard lines?
111 · Dec 2024
Who are we Reaching for?
Sia Harms Dec 2024
My life raised her hand to her forehead,
Gasped daintily, and fell backward,
Expecting someone to catch her.
She didn’t remember falling.
Her memory was patchy.
How had she ended
Up on the floor?
It was only
When she went
To stand up, when
She didn’t expect human
Hands to help her to her feet,
And reached for a loving, golden
Spirit, that her bones stopped aching,
And her heart suddenly forgot why it fell.
110 · Nov 2024
mangled snowflake
Sia Harms Nov 2024
I am not cut out for this—

The child with safety scissors,
Carefully cutting her paper
Snowflake, tongue between

Her teeth, veered too much
From the marked lines--
And now her beautiful creation
Is jagged and scarred, ruining
The Christmas decorations.
110 · Nov 2024
Unreachable Floors
Sia Harms Nov 2024
A slow elevator and a full panel
Of glowing, numbered buttons—
I wait patiently, tapping my foot,
Smiling cordially as body after
Body enters the slicing doors,
Making it warmer, stuffier. 

My lungs fill slower as itchy

Fabric stands next to me,
(Awkward silence and futile
Attempts at small talk,)
But when my floor finally

Flashes above with a ding,
I cannot make it through
The throng of tentative
Hand gestures and pressed
Bodies—My arm barely slips
Through a gap, and I think
That my fingers will stop
The doors from closing--
But they only jam on my
Bones, crunching the knuckles
Before descending further,
Dragging my broken flesh
And screams lower and lower. 

Only then do the bodies shrink
Back against the walls,
Giving me space to fall to
My knees, gasping at the pain
And the dormant button of the
Floor to my missed exit.
And yet, I cannot blame the others in the elevator.
109 · Nov 2024
WWJD?
Sia Harms Nov 2024
Jesus Wept.

And I only Sat,

Staring. Staring.
Staring.
Sia Harms Nov 2024
His face was stitched together
With Grief--a Frankenstein’s
Monster searching for his grave.
But he held it together because
Of the angel eyes that looked
Up at him as if she saw the
Tired lines and blood leaking
From his torn sutures, and
Only smiled, hugging him, and
Never mentioning the pain she
Was trying to heal with love.
The things that hold us together.
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