The thoughts in my eyes
Fastened on the back
Of the figure across the room,
Alone, surrounded by four
Empty chairs.

There was nothing stopping me
From walking over--

I had so many questions,
Filling up the ears in my head--
But they would never be voiced
Aloud, and never to the one
I needed to hear them.

I was rooted in my seat,
My pencil gouging bruises
In my hand, growing limp
And numb along with my heart,
When I realized I lacked the
Courage to face someone

I had every reason to trust.

Was it the silence to my prayers
That kept me seated?

Or was it a selfish hindrance,
An answer I formed myself
Out of fear?

I bowed my head
Like a downed tree,
      
Watching my legs shift

          Absently through the air.

I noticed your red shoes
  As you strolled past,

And I felt the culmination
                  
               Of all the  m o m e n t s
           Just like this,

Only experienced on
Different benches—

      Metallic, curved plaster,
            
                 Rickety slats, the soft ground—

I was addicted to waiting
As the world passed me by.

The lanterns flickered out
One by one.
With every step down the lane,
I left behind
All the darkness I had let light
Up my life.

The voice in my mind
Has a lisp—
My thoughts slur
Together,
Never fully coherent.
It is sweet,
In a way. But I wish
I could
Speak clearly, with
Conviction,
Instead of gaining
My willpower
In too-late moments.

I looked down at my boots,

Studied the trailing laces,
And wondered how they
Had come undone.
Were they snagged on a
Small bush, a bramble?
Or in my haste to prolong
The fears I had to face,
Did I duck down and
Untie them myself?