I do not fear death, I fear losing life.
I fear the sparkle fading from your eyes.
I will not return to the velvet grey,
I will nurture, and further grow this flame

I sit here with your hand in mine
as you doze peacefully
and once again I understand
What it means to be in love

Salt the blade and lick the wound
my dear brother I'm joining you soon.
May the willows weep down
and look upon the riverbank
as they see the ******* dirt in my cut
as it mixes with mud
and then mixes with blood
Brother, mother, father, dear.
Do you not understand the words
I'm whispering to you here?
As I stand up upon my cross
looking down at you with
a bullet in my brain.

I don't have anything left to do.
There is nothing left to say.

No, I do not hate Hermione Granger.
The love of my love just brings a sharp ache.
I wept for the loss in my teen-aged brain.
How I wish I'd lived to grow past this pain.

Alas I'm gone, in a sweep of the claws.
My legacy no more than a forgotten flame.
I had so much to offer, so much to give
but I suppose not all tales end in a grin.

I want to wake up with your hands on my scars,
your eyes smoldering their way into my skin.
I want you to slash at my chest,
and let the blood pour onto yours.

I want to ******* die with the wind in my hair
an echo of a song sung once by you
'Weep 'Weep cries the little boy sweeping,
and so too do I as I carry on in the inky blue.

I can feel my skull through the socket of my eyes
How curious it is this skin and bone.
Tell me the secrets of the life you have known.
Or leave my ashes in the memory of your dust.

Perhaps you think I groom them for my gain.
After all, I am just a Slytherin.
We are selfish beasts, some call us evil.
So clearly I'm just polishing my gems.

But I have to ask, do you know the pain?
The lonesome ache I find myself within?
A filthy balloon, just pass the needle!
If love won't find me, at least I'll have them.

My lips pursed by the power of Albus
as abuse lies dormant under my nose.
Oh how I wish I could be unbridled.
Oh how I wish I could just take a stand.

For now I'll sit in my matchstick palace,
I see the thorns, and I'll offer the rose.
Curse those soul-suckers while I sit idle.
Not Dementors, but family plagues this land.

I look to my Luna, my sun and stars.
My one remaining joy, life's true passion.
At times I see Pandora in her smile,
and in those moments the haze fades away.

Some might say my mind is a bit ajar,
A traitorous fanatic lost in sin.
This is fine, let them ramble, meanwhile
by Luna's side I'll live another day.

Cover my arms in your chalk lines
don't take my life away
whisper in my ear
call me a victim spit in my eye,
but I swear to god I will not die.
I'm a stubborn *******
and I'll pin my hopes in the clouds
whisper in my ear
but please just don't be too loud.

There remains a taste of lily on my lips,
as my thoughts grow into a mundane gray.
The Lords of dark and light intertwine
pulling my soul's string, but the dull ache remains.

Sectumsempra's slice can release the devil's grip.
As blood pools at my feet I feel it all fade away.
Finally, this moment I control, it is solely mine.
Alas, I shake myself awake, and return to the pain.

My memory's memory will whisper your name
as our spirits take hand, drifting through stardust.
Civilizations will rise and fall, and so too shall man,
but your name will be uttered, echoed across the land.

I will sketch your eyes amongst the clouds,
Purple mountains unveil your silhouette
For a world without you is but mud on my feet.
Your beauty transcends time and my heartstrings take hold.

We find ourselves in the inky black of the night sky,
a vacuum of nothingness as far as the eye can see.
But still my imprint turns and it catches your gaze,
and whispers my love, as we journey on.

I want the ash to descend upon my corpse.
Bury me where I lie, cover me in silt
forget the hearse and just let me ******* go
Why oh why must the sunset not come today?
I love you so deeply WHY AM I SO ******* AFRAID?
I will never lose this heart, this love, this dream,
but why?
Why?
Why?
Do you not understand what these words mean?

I hear a song in the blink of your eyes.
A small slice of peace, immersed in the grief.
Dream of sunsets in your grin's coy surprise.
A window of joy, a sigh of relief.

I ponder the thought of an empty moon.
Candlelight snuffed, thoughtlessly they consume
the thoughts of the mind, endless periled doom.
Do not fear, for we too shall join you soon.

Happily take the bullets in my hand.
Red wine poured out, trickling along the path.
Eyes wide in fear, survey the aftermath.
My knees buckle and I sink in the sand.

The slice of silver pierces my rib cage,
and the moonskin peels back, sighting my rage.

Look at the sun rise over the bay.
Watch the blinking hatchling emerge from its egg.
A brother and sister dance in their school play.
Laugh at a toddler wobbly take his first steps.
Think of the puppy as he yips for a kiss.
That moment you felt opening your first Christmas gift.

Give it some time, let this bliss soak through
and then you'll understand how I feel about you.

Oh to taste the sensation of the sun,
its crystalline embers upon your back.
Embrace the baby blue warmth with a glow.
Soon the cocoon shall burst its full array.
and the moment will begin to decay
until all that remains is gray and fun.

Why Lord for all my quirks am I mundane?
Just a blank canvas with piercing static.
A makeshift fool with a penchant for life.
Blood curdled by mud pooled down at my feet.
I long for the days of charcoal and pain.

With lights dimmed twilight I scream at my Lord
begging for knowledge, a glimmer or sign
that it will be okay, and you are mine.
not for a blink, but for the rest of time.
For now I shall pray until you are bored.

Take a look at your life, whisper her name.
Stand at the edge and let the spring's refrain
consume you in its everlasting flame.
Do not fear, there's nothing to lose or gain.

Envelope the ointment within the skin.
As embers smoulder, drifting down the drain,
so too comes the blind man's voice a dull din.
Echoes reverberate leaving a stain.

The twinkle in her eye betrays her bliss.
She loved the ***** and she'll love again.
Your head down you offer a silent kiss.
Something, anything, bridged to share the pain.

Juxtaposed screams rain from the clock tower.
     Internal fire, external relief.
Oozing through the crevice I sit and stare.
     Lavishing every ounce of passion.
Desire cracking through to the mantle.
    Off-setting the pain, replaced with a burn.
Immediately grasping at the straws.
    Volumes aborted to the spit-fire.
Embers the final proof of their love.
    Enchanted I call to the heart of it all.

You.

Here nor there good Pip, don't stir the ***.
Just blow your tin whistle, leave it all behind.
No family, no friends, no love, just wealth.
Estella's teasing flame burning in your eyes.
Dashed again, gone with no name or time.

Scarlet pierces through the knit wool sweater.
A harsh contrast against the untouched snow.
The gun comes down, her eyes are cold, yet her
ragged breath betrays fears she will not show.

Blinking, the aether coming into view.
One foot in the grave, I think of my wife.
A blood bubble bursts as if on a cue,
and all I think, "what a wonderful life."

I like to think I'm bright sometimes,
mindlessly warbling my words.
Dropping subtle reference to
the allegory of the cave,
the 101 of a white guy.

I have a confession to make.
I'm a liar, a ****** fool.
There is nothing academic
in my bones, just spit and hot air.
Perhaps once these words had meaning,
but for now it's merely static.

There are bedbugs in my head
And they are singin your song.
I don't know if we're dead
So for now I'll sing along.

Tonight, I took some time to stare at the moon.
A chalk-like beacon showing the way.
Invading my shadows, invading my brain.
A foolish man, I took a smoke.
Yes, I let the parchment numb my lips.
Igniting my windpipe and returning a kiss.
I drove in circles, neverending,
Second by second crawling by.
Another drag and I'm returned to this plane
With a cough I continue to move again.
But still, there remains one thing that did not change.
Tonight, I took some time to stare at the moon.

In a different time
a different place
I died at 19.
Alone in a room so
sterile.
The phone never pierces
into my black, rotted heart.
You never remind me
Of who I am.
Of what I mean.
I slash my wrists
and an echo remains.

But
You did.
I'm here.
Alive.
In love.
Our hands intertwined.
You saved my life,
and now it is ours.

Thank you.

The lights cut out and I was lost.
I screamed into the void and it
screamed back
and
I really
wish this memory was not lost.
I wish
I could taste it in my ******* soul.
Instead I live.
Instead I love.
So I write this letter to my brother.
I may not remember, but I will not forget.

The wane and ebb of the wave within my brain,
A pain ever-glowing, flowing within
Why can't I sing any longer?
Why won't these thoughts remain insane?

I bid good night to the spider,
it's been a wonderful life.
But now this too must end,
as my heart is numbed by iron.

The toad looked to the sunset,
greeted it with a weary croak.
It nestled in, starting its night.
Mundane and filled with peace.

I wonder what it means to be
a toad. Green ridged with gold.

Do his hops hold a destination?
Do his tears hold longing?
Or is it blood, cogs, and gears?

A mind filled with static.

I do not know, and perhaps I never will.

I write a story when I don't even know how it ends.


It was a beautiful home, a white picket fence,
two children, 9 and 5, play on the porch.

The sun shines through peeping through the window pane.
While Father sits baking an  apple pie in a well-worn kitchen.
The neighbor boy comes a knockin wanting to play too.
Oh what a scene, what a peace, what a LIFE.

Mother rests in her room and cries and wilts and ******* dies
Why?

The child looks up to the window, wavers and falls.
Behind him sits the moon, and reality wanes.
Father gone, mother too.
Alone again crumbled to dust.
Why?

I do not know.
Do you?

There is a beast baring its fangs at me.
Praying I take just one more step forward
so it may rip me apart, piece by piece.
The warm glow of my lantern highlighting
the glint in its eye, the sheen in its hide.
Without warning it leaps its jaw unhinged.
Fluids pour out, some saliva some blood
and my scattered remains oil the earth.

Within hours the sun is beating down,
and my remnants fester and become grey.
Soon the blood boils brown, dyeing the clay.
My skull smiles at nothing but the sky.
The name of its lost life long forgotten,
as it is buried, entombed by Gaia.
Centuries flash and my remains are ash,
but still, with the confidence of the ******,
I know this ash will still remember you.

Looking down at the blood muddled by ink.
A shadow of vermouth composes the chain,
as she whips the words against its cold link,
alas she bites against the flame again.

A bone-cracked brief foray into the haze,
pierced by onyx moon-beams that shine the way.
A magic, ultimate, powerful gaze
that guides itself beyond the yesterday.

A stream at the tale's end of the abyss.
Dip your toes, look back, and offer a grin.
Turn down the diamonds and offer a kiss.
Finally, you are ready to begin.

Mercy John peep into the collard green.
Dance until your bones' souls shiver and ache.
Murmer to mother with your possum's grin.
Allow the summer scents to bless your praise.

How do you find the crystal in the coal?
How do you love a child freshly scorned?
How do you shake the demons from your brain?
How do you stop the rot from the mundane?

With love, hands in hands, and a peace of mind.
With trust, implicit in your eyes and mine.
With words, spoken soft dispelling the flames.
With time, patience, eyes opened in the rain.

Fugue state among Pompeii's fumes
I have prayed to the glory!
Blessed Mary speak my name.
Holocaust, plummet below.
Blood in the ash, burnt and built.

Bahamut, splinter my ribs into dust.
Carve your scripture into my scalped skullcap.
Brand me with the shame of fool-hearted lust.
Tear me limb from limb in your tangled trap.
Spit my name into the annals of Hell.

"Spin the wheel!" cries the rat in his tin cage.
While the shopkeep sits, polishing his rage.

A sunbeam tans the hide.
It crusts the blood to scab.
The flesh and marrow dried.

Pour absinthe on the wound.
Scalp the ***** to bone.
The rest will be consumed.

A final cracked tongue lolls.
It waits the vulture's eye.
They've reached the final cull.

I may not know what the future holds.
But I love you now,
and that's good enough for me.

Away at arm's length sat the window pane.
Thoughts glistened, staring into my mind's eye.
And I stared back, and whispered in hushed tones.
Nothings, noises lost to the shifting sands.

But perhaps unearthed one day we shall sit.
Hand in hand, piece by piece, we too may wilt,
but wilt together, wilt at peace, by peace.
So hush now and let us embrace the beast.

A sunbird perched softly in the bramble,
awaiting the raven's  snaggle-toothed grin.
She sang a song, haphazardly happy,
her naive concerto carried by wind.

She whistled and laughed, until sunset came.
Daylight flickered, an old forgotten flame,
and the blistering ink embraced the nooks.
Still no sign of raven, silence took hook.

But no, she's here, a whisper in shadow.
Amongst the leaves she forms a loving sigh.
"Darling Sunbird, I'm here, it's me," she coos.
In that moment, Sunbird began to cry.

Honey laced milk chocolate nestled in pearls.
Onyx woven silk in ringlets and curls.
A sideways glance and the heart's string unfurls.

A kiss, a tug, and whispered words and sighs.
An enigma, a bond in blood never dies.
A moment held dear, life's ultimate prize.

As two but one, entwined, soaring free.
A trap sprung, yet we've no intent to flee.
Jodie, I love you. But do you love me?

Let the hounds whisper in the juniper.
Dissolve your adolescence in the wind.
A detailed dawn, are you the rag and bone?
It's too late, embrace the awestruck murmurs.

Hush now sailor perched in the window pane.
Begone, begone, taste the sound of her breath.
The stark startled bookkeep will show the way.
But for now, take my hand, descend again.

I have seen the lines in the sand.
Perhaps you understand.

God in the machine, weeping,
Perhaps you understand.

A furrowed brow upon the back of my hand,
Perhaps you understand.

A final hasty sigh, unto the void creeping.
Perhaps you understand.

Do not worry Doctor.
I have seen the machine.
I know what lies in wait.

Oh Lord may I be saved.
Our grace shall come in vain.
Alas, she must be slain.
Perhaps, she'll live again.

I hear the voice of God in your whisper
Pickpocketed remorse hastily disguised
By the veil of childlike, painted glee.
Beyond this moment I truly could die.

Let the sinners rejoice in solemn prayer.
Swim to your white savior and hold him near.
Indulge the ultimate moment held dear.
Stain your tears with blood splattered on the mirror.

The grass once seemed green, and the sky bled blue,
dreams felt alive as they are wont to do.
A dance in the dark held love in its lap,
Moments tied to joy, a worry-free trap.

And then you had to go and ******* die.
Look me in the eyes, spit on the floor.
Why? What am I even doing this for?
Wait, sit back, listen, let me clarify.
*******.

**** this gut-wrenched demon molding my mind.
**** the dull ache finding home in my chest.
**** our night-time chats that made me go blind.
**** that you're gone, I don't care if it's best.

I'll love you til death, and life in-between,
and yet you'll never know what these words mean.

The maggot-stained husk of a human nestled on my hand.
Whispered words of worry, and dauntless shades of grey.
And I bellow to the void, "Mother Mary may I be ******!"
and I swear to gods, this bit I remember to this very day
the wind spoke back, with a bitter, pain-soaked reply,
"My child, your time has come, now grow still and die."

A bead forms as water cascades on the brink
of pressure while old dirt trails form in flesh.
Lips crack, parched, desperate for a drink.
Nostalgic for a time when the pain was fresh.

Falling into a hole not dark, but softly grey.
Rubbing silt away so the sun shines through.
Parchment falls into the flame, out of the way.
And I sit, and I rest, and I think about you.