Say less to me
Validate me with your hands on my body
Your lips on mine
Your eyelashes close enough to my neck I can hear them brush the air next to the hickey you gave me moments ago
Don't speak with words
Instead tell me  how you crave me with your legs intertwining in mine
dissertate with me your theory of how everything we did in our lives built up to us being here under these sheets sweet body
Trace your feelings over mine with your tongue on that one spot you know makes me weak
And tell me time and time again how much you love me in feather light touches and lifeline bites
Tell me how this body is addicted to the minuscule things I do
You were always an incredible artist
Indulge in me like your art
Grind your hips into mine until your moans are elevator music in my head
I can only hope that you understand my cries they way I intemperate yours

I don't think I've ever been satisfied with my life
I don't think I ever will be until I am nothing but dust
See I crave death in the way others dont
I don't want to go to heaven or hell or spend my life somewhere in between the two
I would be so bored
bored of "eternal piece"
bored of "eternal pain"
routine, mundane, eternal
never changing, predictable
I would loathe a forever like that
I crave reincarnation
I crave growth and new experiences and new adventures and new perspectives
I crave what I cannot get in this life
or the next life or the next life after that
I crave knowledge and empathy and ignorance and spite
I crave the ever-changing unknowable world that our bodies live in
I will never be satisfied

I didnt realize I'd neglected you
Seeing all the dust you accumulated is sobering
Why haven't I been around?
Oh you know,
I've been busy
Distracted with....work
Or not work
I'm sorry I cant lie to you
I've been dark again
But it's not like that, okay? So dont worry
I promise I'm not planning 7 different ways to not wake up or anything
I just....you know, needed a break?
From my head that is
A break from my head to clear my head using my head
That doesn't make sense
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry
What I want to use you for is selfish
I want to give you poems of lighthearted tounge and cheek
But all that I write now is heavy and I know you're old and don't need that kind of script to worry about
I'll dust you off and write something cheery soon
Until then, wait a little longer okay?

You know sometimes I feel like I'm slipping
I can feel it coming
Its presence obvious by the steps echoing down the hall
Its wearing heels today
I knew I should have put carpet down instead of tile
Maybe this feeling wouldn't be so daunting then
But I know I'm slipping
Back into the headspace where nothing makes sense
Back where I can smile but it is only sketched and not carved
Back where solace is my favorite company
Back to where I hate being but somehow always end up
I know I'm slipping
I promise I'm looking for a handrail
A countertop
A ledge
Something that will catch me or at least buffer the fall a little
I'm slipping over here
I guess they forgot to put out the wet floor sign
I will never win this lawsuit though
I'm clumsy
I slipped

You asked me if you could illustrate my poetry
to get a collection published
to frame one I wrote for you in your new home
You believed in me when I doubted myself
I've heard people tell me to get published before
been told that I'm a good writer before
been told this is what I should be doing before
But when you said it
I believed it
For the first time I believed I did have what it takes
believed I could throw myself into my writing shamelessly
believed that it was okay to dislike some of my writing
that's a sign of growth after all
you taught me more about confidence in myself than any
other person did
I'm sure you would say the same about me all because I pushed you out of your comfort zone a few times but believe me when I say that you made the push way before I did
Thank you for introducing me to that concept
I've always had a fear of falling paired with the odd love of being in high places
But because of you, I'm not afraid to fall
I could never repay you

Be concerned if I'm talking
If I'm outgoing
If I'm smiling in a room full of people
because I promise you those are the times I am lying
Don't worry if I'm quiet
or alone
My mind is racing
My ideas are competing for best screenplay
They're writing a novel that the world will never see
Winning old arguments
Visiting new places
So please don't worry about me if I'm quiet
My mind is loud enough

I can't be there for you if you push me away
too bad for you though,
I'm quite stubborn with things that I love
You're dating a force to reckon with