I had rather went blind.
Than to see you leave.
No one seems to understand.
No one seems to know the feeling.
So many times I felt your wrath. So many times you hugged me tightly as I cried myself to sleep. The ropes choked the wind from my lungs. The nails pierced holes in my heart. Never a drop on the sheets, but I cried rivers of red as the life left my soul. Soon I lost sight of who I was. My existence became no more the pain that you induced.
You smiled so deeply,
You promised tomorrow and tomorrows tomorrows.
You made me feel so loved and desired.
The love lied without a blink. And the pain became my life. I awoke with the needle in my arm, and I went to bed with the straw in my nose. Each dose created a desire, desire for more of your pain, and worse pain. The stories of all the men that had molested my fantasy, ***** my
Dreams. The stories made it all so *****. Shower after shower failed to wash the blood from our love.
I came on my knees.
I crawled and begged like an addict.
I hated the breathe you breathed.
When there was no mercy left. Like a thief in the night. You stole the only thing that kept me alive. Now it is in other eyes, that I liked. I see perfection but it scares me to death. I need the pain. I need the misery. I need the torture. I became dependent. I became an addict. Now I live restrained to a couch, bound by what little pain my memories grasp to hold.
They tell me to stop.
They tell me to find happiness.
They tell me life will be ok.
It is the trampling of my heart that kept me alive. How am I supposed to live without it? The nights I hate, the demons run rampant. But it is the only place I feel safe. No one left in my life, but those that eat my very soul.
Why can't someone love me?
Why can't anyone see how great I am?
Why can't they finish the job before morrows light?