dreaming away the night, one more pleasure, it feels like something relaxing while I am awake is better than sleep itself, because in my dreams I am always stressed out, running from something, trying to find someone,

my diet has been strange, I only eat when it gets late, something about the late night makes my stomach relax

maybe I really am a vampire

I wrote a few of them down, the Muskrat, now it all seems like a big joke, I kept a few of the ones that I thought were pretty good, kept about 20, wrote almost 200, mania driving my mind away, or maybe I'm destined to dig fast all my life, I'm not really sure at this point

For ramblings, for a few toasts, taken from this and that, I do not pretend to be some sort of an original, I'm the muskrat, the pack rat who remembers just about everything, don't be so confident I won't steal from you, poor dear thing, I'm glossy and fresh and violent when necessary, contemplated evil, however sided with jesus for irony, follow for baby steps, inches and millimeters, confusion over systems, systems interacting, my fascination with inter-workings and word play, please, take a consideration.  Let yourself take a whiff of wide, whistling rings of time, leveraged by power from the gut, from a bowel movement, for me, often quite pleasant!  

Healthy and full-hearted, hacking at pretentions, though pretentious myself, making up new words, questioning the ones they keep making up, for their little webster, webster had a baby with google and their going to come out with wooble which wobbles on a stick that is sanity, there isn't a reason for your searches, misgivings, triumphs!!! no you flea, check the weather and then check back in with me

follow for diddies, I've done them all, song the senses pleasing themselves, you see, I've read too much Nietzsche, and philosophy is for the few though it influences the many, though they don't know it it crawls under their skin as a parasite disguised as aroma therapy, no, more like a prickly pine cone that pretends its harvesting majesty, philosophy!  BAH!  tyranny, majority, minority, factions, interactions, blah blah blah

I can be amusing, amusing in the sense of, forget where you are for a little while, that is my objective, to amuse, and while questions of power are more easily polarized, amusement is more chaotic, grounded in taste which is brought on by surplus, trust me I'm just getting started

follow for a friend, or foe, I like a challenge

signed,

Muskrat

nothing here, but the page an paper
nothing here
but the page and paper
limitless limitless
reams
of pen and paper
let’s take a look at that for a second
why is it
that is wants to be that way?
why is it that it wants to be blank
let me show you
how it should be
let me show you
how it should be
and it goes like this

and it goes like that

and It goes like this

and it goes like that

I like to the move to the sound of movement
whispering in my ear
telling me to do things
telling me to take things
telling me to do things
telling me to take things
and I will take it
oh, it sound glorious!
let me take another glance at it

the moonbeams, the system

and read it at open mics

thank you

I will pay you in thank yous

my dancing is as if christopher walken and a muskrat


Get your **** on

Everyone believes they are the king of their own worlds
Walking around with their hair grown long
Looking down over everythig
Flirting with the mysterious
They wear sunglasses
And speak rhythmically
Pulling out their cameras
Anticipating the next show
Everyone is a mini habitat
And that's how they go
Wandering, forever

Refreshing the senses, I know why your are after, sexuality is all around me, and you absorbed into your own measures but yo know better, it's deafetest language and yet you ofollow along, it's numb and it's nice and it's meant for every human to experience, take it up with your nearest farmer, he'll cultivate your next ufeas, blossoming into ale thing that you don't understand but is growing at a rapid rate, you have control and then you have none, you just watch to build up the bride to blow it all up, going on a grind bewat that suggests I am in a skin that is separate from my own, I want to take some sort of way away from mused, but it seems like I am forced to I this responsibility? Do you read enough to make a judgement, just Jen your thoughts your theory would hold up? They fall between the cracks, you don't care much about anthro by about conveying this to as many as possible, they want to keep you in the right directions l, however the efforts are scarce, you are left in a huge surround led by turrets, and they fire and raipdi rates and you choose to duck for cover

its starting to feel better,

the days are warmer and the initial pressure of summer fun

is dissipating, everyone has that bikini day in mind...

especially young people, but everyone.  

and there's supposed to be a song for the summer, too.

I didn't hear any, however I am sure there is one hiding somewhere

crafted by a team of usual people...


what feels better is the heat,

its hot, that kind of hot where it's definitely hot

no question.


things are starting to feel better because I can let the hours pass by

bring on September

why does my mind choose to torture itself?

pushing itself towards ledges, holding up the gun, dramatic, dramatic

intensify, intensity, I don't know, whatever you want to say about me

interesting intropective, tortured, pathetic

I'll give you a few

why are we afraid of our own poo?

blah blah *******

I think I might have scared her away

somehow, and this is sitting in my stomach, won't digest, hurting

aching, like a coldplay song, extends through the bars, leading me to...bars

****, ****, this and that

afraid of ******* something good up, always afraid of that

like my life is a tender, gentle fabric, of brilliance, and my hands are hole punchers, synths, sythers, synthesizers out of key, constantly playing the wrong melody

and I have to repair every day, the wrong way

and nobody minds, its good and its fine

its all in my head?

or was it something I said?

I am the one they can transparency
eyes to the front of his skull
bulging, everlonging
sitting and trying to be cunning
quiet, listening
but emulating, instead
some sort of glowing ember
and people ask
are you okay
and I revolt
in protest
I wish I could wear shades all the time

I wish I could be invisible, sometimes

I had a dream that I had a cover over my face
it was a good dream

and now I sit

with my clothes on

thinking back on embarrassing moments

and I am

ashamed

they call me transparency

another life pass me by....

straight hol on... hay hol on


another bringer brought me wine

stay hole on, lay hole on

toonother light in my fire, my vigor..


tonoona hole on, stray and jaygalangee

el saint bee kay and koo


did u figure ettt???


La Bee Gah Tay Qoe When????
YAH YAH YAH

Quick one two three
And then home
One two three stops
There will be one more
And then another
And then I'm home
And that's where the market is
And bed is
And ***
That's where I drink beer in my easy chair
That's where it is
One, two three
And then I'm home
And the rotation of the wheels
Go tut tut tut
Like a Google search
Like information
Like flying keys.
One two three
Then I'm home again
Just like that
You'll see
It's 36th then Steinway then 46th
It goes up and up
But I get off
When it's my turn to
And where my home is
That's where I go to
One two three
Then it's my home, you see

frazzled, unexpected, scrounged in a ball in the corner, with the different lullabies flying overhead, the masked patient is ready for his medication, won't be easy, and it won't last very long

he claws for a bit of rope, a bit of escape, a bit of cloud, the room is full of them now, and on he wails, on he dreams, waiting for something better to come, the lifeline is weak

what is this masked, dazed man to do, when his nails are down to the nub and he no longer has anything to reach out for?  the images on the television seem frightening, violent, ******, threatening, or sad, what is he to do?  throws the blanket over his eyes, counts, 1, 2, 3, and wishes it all to disappear

and disappear it does, he is away, he is blank, it is white, more like eggshell, there are bumpy edges, but smooth to the touch, sensual, and his little citadel is all he needs to know, all he needs to remember, and the worries of reaching the lifeline slowly begin to fade, like a sign in the rearview mirror on the highway, go along, go along, go along, and in his squatted position he rolls around, the sensual feeling is all there is, all that needs to be, cloaking his skin like a hot shower, like a nicotine buzz, like a drunken stupor, yes, nothingness

no conflict, no nothing, no insights, no roots to uproot, no, just the eggshell room, his citadel, his life

I try
hard
to fit in
I wear a
jacket and I
speak and I
finish and I
don work dowodkdowkrdpwowrkkdi
doesn'tworkrjsowrksrorksr
works sometimesgododayyaogodoaodogdoyaoo
worked today really ajdydkajyjakyjkdjyjyaydakyj
I like it hwnejafjajdfjdjafjdjajfjdjafjj

yoou'reecepetiionallll I rate my self a 10
I AM NNONFOOOOO I AM LACED WITH SALVIA TRIPPING SUICIDE

that's great!  remember, Progress, not perfection

I am capable of being an inticate wirter,

I have the happensatance on happenstance,
a
nd lecture to the gods that made wine and whiskey decent,,

so I'll sar face, and tell you that I will dissolveinto a bottole of decent phd balanced wtaer...

you are amiliar with thoseairpborre [ils? yeah thats's thow I go,,
I dissovlvejust just like a hellbent sailor, and a hellbent sailor ispnetjhat smils sand glssensup the deck


and isdefinitel inthe crowsnest

I want     out of here
I’m a     caged man
and I want to be released
I want to be
free
I play you my little
note
and I write the little word
to express the
anger
yet      I am     stil l  l here
andI cannot escape_

I want to dance
I want to dance
I want to dance to something

that makes me feel good
that lets the night go strong
that lets things get out of hand
i want it to be wild
and I want there to be paint(((((((((((
splattered all over everything
and I will have
the purples, the reds, and the greens
I am ready to take on the pressure
I am ready to take out the load
here, show me, let it out me
let the outsources show more income than the in courses
and let the meal present itself such a way
that I will feast
and when it starts to wind down
when it starts to become something I can simmer in
it will be
done
/////////////

For the birds

I hear you

a very particular twinkle, in the throat, up through the tongue

the chirp at the rooftops, in an atmpophere, for whatever reason, we're not sure,
for mating?  for...soul?  there are many songs I know

you stop for the silence, the beat is the wind, and you float with it, I hear the surround support, the bass in the fibre, the placement, surrounding the gates, the water fountain isn't working, it listens as well, it is rusting

for the birds, I hear your words

oh liberty,! oh freedom , let me be at your expense, I am dying to get to know you, I am only getting started, I am only getting comfortable, not even the age of the **** of the joke on friends, not even there yet, not even there, still young, still full of life, still full of whatever I need to be!  still full of pos a bil a ty, separated out and its a hopscotch word, a bit up surd, lovers met around the chocolate fountain possessing their fate, and I possess my fate with a keyboard, keys and musical keys, working with the fingers, a knack for songs, good memory

God, I live in a palace!  God, he is not dead, he is relocated, he's weaving through the music, satanitc verses are met with heavenly melodies and hes meant for it, cherish it, whose got the better of me?  

no no  no, you’re up for surrender to his power, you’ve fathomed it, talked about it, debated it in your silly little politics course, you’re meant for this discussion, it is what you were born for, out of the foul mouthed, out of the obscene, the gestures are hidden, their in between every phrase, uttered out at a key, uttered out over a particular suit and tie and way of being

Surge surge surge!  its meant for it!!!

what I have control over, and what I don't

god grant me the serenity

acceptance, wisdom,

the difference

magna carta and raise me a constitution

letters upon letters suggesting what I should understand

the mind making associations, again, again, again

the limitless factors that go into any context, conversation

auto-pilot?  direct intent?  specific motivation?   impossible to really figure out

the neurons firing, and the impulses flaring

the body, the mind

is it possible for me to forgive myself?

is the big one coming yet?  I'm anticipating it

god ******, *******, you already feel better
you god ****** *******, sometimes you just gotta talk like hunter

and now I feel better, I laughed, but it was a healthy laugh
ilyse will bring me tea
now

go, go go, go go go go , go, need to let it go go go go go go go go, and it feels like a nice, easy thing to do, and it remains a nice, easy thing to do, and you need to see it through through through, ****, oh no, we did a whole chapter, ahead of us, we've written a chapter ahead!! what else is needed to be said?  INDIGO HERE WE GO go go go ahead ahead ahead, ink and ink and ink

AND IN

THE LIGHTEST TOUCH

THE SOFTEST NET

HE LETS IT SINK

cursed with the fear of monsters

I am monster

monster monster monster

I like it

the misplaced animal
scanning the beach
paranoid that the party upstairs
is laughing at him
getting a phone call from his mother
that it is time for dinner
but that it not his plan
he is riding the insane wave
of tricky mystery
and his cloak is a smokescreen
riveting masterpeice, complicated boy
young man
learning the way of the journey
and years later
he will return with his girlfriend
and the feeling will be long gone
and he will try to resurrect it
with her
but it falls short
like a sneeze that never comes
and that will be that
the misplaced animal
is caged

I sit here writing
from the top of somewhere
I do not know
what the future will bring
but I am what I am
and that is it
wherever you go, there you are
wherever you go, there you are
wherever you go, there you are?

wherever you go, there you are
it’s a conversation
that you need to be careful about
it’s a conversation
that you need to be careful about
and we walk around
the abyss
and we walk around the abyss
letting ouresleves fall into another
time frame, another mixture
another melody that is meant to be broken
defined only by beauty
beaututy in all of its factions
and they go away away away
sway sway sway sway
allay allay allay
I can be the person
who invents the typewriter instrument

poem

for a few nice gestures, thank you for mornings, thank you for that, for declarations that are genuine, for gatherings, for gatherings, we all want to live harmoniously, yes,  yes yes, thank you for embrace, thank you for cries, deep penetrating expelling cries, thank you for surrender, family, love, family, pick me up where my pieces fall, I am forever grateful

he's out there searching, a distance from my backyard, licking his paws, bathing his plush fur, he is of desire, I know him well, he is with Howlin wolf and they chain-smoke and laugh over bourbon together, he speaks in my ear and


rattle

I heard a guitar player
On the subway platform
As the train was passing
And his voice sounded very real
It was soothing for a moment
Those sounds,
But then the doors closed
And we were on our way
And he'll never know
That I appreciated him
I will never see his eyes
His guitar case
Loose change

the cloggers and their' share of dignified dirt,

t'nite, attach the ravens favorite food

and it comes it like species to sugar

to open water

what of that thing?  a writers worse curse, I guess

but then again, what of curse?  what does it mean to be tortured by ones art?

non non non the apple falls and it falls

oh oh oh the sprinkling ties tickle the membrane of fruit flies


I'm just messing around, isn't it great!  to have nothing to say at all??

its like being encapsulated in a warm vessel, while the thorns on the outside continue to prickle the desert ground as it is blown in the wind

unaffected by bursts, emotion, thinking is so over rated

to wish for the boredom of an office job, ironically, but secretly know that somewhere inside you are something

but don't feel the need to show it to anyone at all!  the bluejay nurtures its young that never need to leave the nest!  

and one thought leads to another, cushioned by an inner strength

self esteem, perhaps

what of boring???  that thing which I've sneered at for so long, looks so welcoming, an external cloak, a hiding place for a muskrat whose had enough days of contemplation, fixation, beyond his wildest imaginations, skipping across the fence with a front of business as usual, a tie and a vest

frustrations that are trivial, anxieties that are irrational, a normal, normal
normal man

do you strike me?  yes?


In the best moments"??? yeS??? of course you do

yes yes yes, good

alright

glossy freedom?  yeah, okay, cool like toothpaste, fresh like green apples cmon

glossy?  popular, wonderful, love it, dance, dance, dance


glide?  go at at, go with it, take a stab at it stomp at it, sit with it, sit on the high note, take off the high pressure, add it a bit of mid

glossy froeedom?  You got me, slip

I accepted plea and promise for two-dollar chorus

perhaps my bargain is between two socal natives whom argued eternally with their voices

it would be humorous, a confused face and a distinguished disguise,


still a jagged faced bordercolie will understand how to open the cages at the right times....where are the mice and squirrells?  where are the pigeons for the crows (crows for mice) and hummingbirds?  

******, there ought to be birdfeed and dinner squirrels that bask in their breakfast by dining till the next full moon

emerge fat and insist on treadmills and marathons and kickboxing

only one can find such a annulment in shanghai's incense-filled withstanding structures, adjacent to the bank and mcdonalds

you will find a squiggle that keeps dissappearing down the sewer drains and sidewalks

it knows something, or at least contains

sulfites and antioxidants

off for its own business

the pipes are still working, this is always a good update,

I have my soldiers cap on, or perhaps a fedora,

anways, at least at least at least

sometimes personal amusement is the best therapy

like how I keep my foot just a few inches away from where the spider chose to carry on about his business

as if he might decide to pull back on his decision

as I do

over, and over again....

I'd like to live in my own fantasy land
Where people are alright to one another
The beer is always being poured
And the people dance often, dance often
And are naked, not envious
I'd like to live in my own fantasy land
Where you can buy a ticket and stand in line but the line only takes five minutes and the bouncer meets you at the door doesn't check your Id and let's you in for free
My own pretend place
Where the design is modern and the people aren't too domineering, instead organic and they don't test you and the children are cooperative
My own secret world
Where the trains only take you five minutes to reach your destination and on the way we read a bukowski poem and have discussion about it.
And there's no sense in repeating anything, because everything has already been said
In my pretend land
And we're up all night reading poems about mercy and about God
And the space in between
In this pretend land
There are men who are hungry but at least they are warm and they get the occasional good meal and they can make whatever art it is they want to make, or appreciate art

I started writing a book
and I have a title and everything

and I wrote the first few chapters


do all writers go through this, where they sit and wonder...

do I need to live more?

the crossroads
and all that jazz
I'm ready to sell my soul, and all that
crap
it's held up in a tight ball concentrated in my forehead
begging to be released
a river
a ******* sicstic pimple
**** and guts
ohhh that's where I'm headed, that's where I want to be
gothic, james dean


But I can't
because
there's a christmas tree in the living room
and a girlfriend who is happily going to sleep
I'll never be biggie
I'll never be Bukowski
Cobain
with the shotgun to the head
ready to die

for now, I fear death

but ******
I can still be so hot
blazing, infact
hot as the devil himself
there are those who fall victim to insanity
and those that have already fallen down that hole and then emerged somehow,

and the devil makes boredom

delicious

just when you think that autonomous thinking can be on par with spontaneous thinking, you are left with

nothing...

mind

blank

People keep nagging at your neck
to learn the questions that they have learned last
they bite and spit and take and grip
for what they need
and then they drink
because that is their motion, because life is
to pass on
and that is all there is
and ever will be

they need to tell you
what they is to be known
(in their mind, anyway
and then they give you
more and more
******
UGH
PEOPLE
they are parasites! truly they wander
and roach the needle into the skin and **** the life back and take what has been


wear the blazer
well
and be rid of all
that will be

wear the blazer well
and be rid of all
that will be

bee stings
bee buzzez
by your ear
electronically




UGH but the lines!!!!!
LINES LINES LINES


and sweat
running down your neck
and big smiles
too big
too big
too big

YOURE A TRAITOR
YOU”RE FINISHED With THERAPY
YOU NOBODY
YOU NEED TO SCEREAM????
SCREAM AT eVERYONE
AND MAKE IT COUNT
YOU MUNSTREL


you singer






singer

singer
singer



singer




singer





I want to hear





the scream


of the rhino


I bet it just makes **** noises






too much

grass

forward thinking, trying to make the best of situations

willing hands, willing fingers, half smiles

eyes ahead, romantic, language in the brows, in the looks, no passivity

whole hearted annihilating punctuated meaning

or none at all, none at all

where's it all headed?

once more messages of fury, eyes in blinking disaster, forming at the ops, their eyes are rfixated at an angle, your demise is near, people walking and ******* and loving and spitting and droning and sounding...sounding sounding sounding, sound like lots like lanters of disease corrupting to poor insects just trying to get their ******* buzz!!  may I forgive?/ may I devieve? who are they, and what are they made of?  yohy dpn/t know what it means to exist, your are in with what consists, you have he gears and the correct melody to the correct tune, you follow about you let the little rubber in the wheels drives themselves to eternity, you pull your **** spike out of the fire, you knew it all along and you let your hair down, the morals were hidden in the messages all along, its a great little conspiracy of little significance yet something you've been trying to figure out all your life

****, I don't know what to do about it
at one moment, it is in my grasp
and the next it escapes me
I get lost again, waking up from some sort of high class dream
left again with the coffee, the quesadilla, worries worries worries
trying to just take it day at a time,
when you wake up in a fury you feel like the world has already left for the station
My center lost, now nothing  to do but to read the news, ask the questions

So I can sigh eternally,

lead me to temptation

you little bully of tequila, you're better than that, she whispered in my ear
and I decided to take it up a notch, that I did

and you hit the sweet spot for a little while and that is more than alight

take a large huff and puff and then win a game, you nectar ******* juicer ready to pounce on wheat bread, ha

lay it out and lay in on, lay the spicy mustard on the pastrami, please

please, and thank you, please and thank you

there's a song where they call them the magic words

and boy oh boy, isn't that a charming notion

Working on em, definitely held down by some restraint, some anxieties, that keep presenting themselves in my dreams.  Things becoming taller even when I'm feeling good, my loved ones getting lost in the midst of it, soldiers marching

folding themselves over into my state of mind, constant

held to it, sort of touching it, but having a difficult time breathing

filling up my mind, more intricacy, dashing through snow, trying to stay warm

like trying to stay warm in winter in yosemete.  Its rainy and awful outside and I have a few songs to write, yeah, its like one of those days

flattery doesn't seem to affect me the same way it used to, it used to be that flattery could make my week better, but now, I don't crave it in the same way, wish I did because then my life would be easier.

The lowly artist lost, I'm already bored with this one

turns to silence, cold, quiet
lit, light it

too big for the lap, too impatient for this and that

then again, stone

made out of stone this week, un affected

resilient, but something is eating its way outside of me

what is it?  something that I've heard somewhere before

from a guy , from a lot of people, wish they had continued

but here I sit, here I go, shivers rolling down my spine, the plants moving in the wind

I'm done for, a goner

no the opposite, I am of stone

my mind cannot make itself up, the anxieties build up

there isn't an ending

there isn't one to be had

not here, it is not here
there is a television set on, and I cannot think
all I wish to do
is find the place
where I can feel alright
I sit in the dark and write
I sit in the dark and write
and I'm about to take a tender leap of faith
I care to live, I've learned to love life, it is fascinating
but the silence isn't here
there's people talking at pubs
there's people talking at homes
there's people talking at street corners
there's people talking at restaurants
there's people talking outside, during a walk
nature is so loud, nature is very loud
the yoga studio features music, and breathing
and the subways feature announcements and opening and closing doors
I wish
for a silence
a crypt silence
an angel silence
a purgatory silence
a burning silence
a cloud silence

out of the clearing there is a feeling that there is a sense of importance, significance, discovery and thoughts, loss, lost

Elders love to bestow their bits of wisdom, constantly thrown about in a heap of dry vulgarity, coated with a candy normalcy, listening to their own ideology, go about your way, go about your way and we, youth are forced to listen and to agree or disagree and explain, and because disagreeing requires too much work and we are polite, we nod in agreement
but the elder doesn't realize they are taking something crucial from the youth , as they embark their little remarks, each one weighing heavily on the soul, weight like water on top of the tarmac, absolutely overwhelming

and the youth goes to bed and lays down and lets it all sink in and that is that, until one day they are older themselves and they go on purging everything before they leave themselves

It's a vicious cy le and in a lot of ways I'm glad it broke with my dad, who never told me how to live my life in any way

stories are told and are supposed to preach some kind of a lesson, but how many lessons do we really need?  How much before the levi breaks and it all spills over...I sit here and ponder

I ponder at a pub in astoria queens, drunk, realizing that I am doing a lot more listening than I thought previously, the bartenders joke about tips, while everyone else sits with their phones dreaming of new ways to live, drink drink drink to that.  Starry eyed, a worry, human, and breathing, just drinking drinking drinking, and thinking about this and that

I sit here and ponder
on the subway now
of stories that I've heard
with good guys and bad guys
and grey in between
and death hanging in the balance
between right and wrong


the ultimate punishment
Death

And I sit here
and ponder that
for a second
then I shrug
then look up at the people
minding their own
Friday evenings

tonight I felt
what a real applause feeling like
I haven’t felt that
in a long time
and it feels good
man, it feels good
I don’t want to sleep
I want to enjoy this moment
for awhile