I can't be the star that
your wishes ride on,
I'm trying to illuminate
enough light to keep myself
burning.

I recently got reminded... Oh how I am caught
In a delicate web of disillusions
Make me see what is actually not
Make invisible my heart's secret questions

Been successful in putting aside all grief
But truth has it's way to make you pay
You can bury all grievances; you can mask all disbelief
But it'll all catch up; these things you've kept at bay

Make your silly compromises
To have the the best you just make allowances
Keep up your futile pretences
Accommodate your selfish preferences

Day had dawned where each question need their answer
Questions I've shrugged and left unaddressed
Indistinguishable when fact and fiction begin to blur
When dreams and reality have coalesced

Tonight I lay with the load I bring
Body asleep with my heart fully awake
Blessing or curse, this rude awakening
Decisions and choices left for the following suns to make

I don't know the word
for this restless almost breathless
feeling  in my chest -

the opposite of a bluebird
- a ******* crow, at best

a last call cawing
or is it a raven's kraa-kraa

this feeling -
like a shadow in clothes
- a fly in the eye of those

who pray for repose
of my soul.

I want
I want
I want
To die

I want
I want
I want
To cry

I want
I want
I want
To lie

I want
I want
I want
To sigh

But still
I want
I want
I want
To live
                Life
I want
I want
I want
To give
                   Happiness

I want
I want
I want
To  forgive
                      Others

So
I would
I would
I would
Thrive

I would
I would
I would
Jive

I would
I would
I would
Survive

Yes,
**I would not give up.