It’s almost like you are stitched into my blood stream
someone took a needle and thread you through my body
and even though we don’t speak anymore
your ghost follows me
do you ever think about it?
I should’ve asked you when I had the chance
Because when I cut you out of me
I didn’t stitch it up right.
I am left with no answers
and bleeding wounds
for the rest of my life.
Hoping the body will do what
it’s suppose to do
and mend itself.
But wounds won’t heal
if you keep ripping them open.
And I’m not sure I
cut all of you out of me
when I had the chance.

but maybe I didn’t want to.

I can always find a silver lining.
There was never a struggle that I couldn't handle.
But I cant handle this.

Growth is suppose to make you feel lost
it's suppose to make you feel scared.
But should it suffocate you?
Why do I feel like I am dying when I should be moving forward?

Dear God please tell me I am not dying.

Why is my life ending when it should be starting?
Their whispers ring in my ears through the night,
they wake me up at 7 A.M.

why the **** are you guys screaming at 7 A.M?

Please go back to bed.
We don't have to drown if we are not awake.
We can live in our dreams.
You are still smiling in my dreams.
I am still smiling in my dreams.
When I am awake I am dying.

How am I already ******* dying?

This time last year I wore a mask,
Saturday nights started to ruin my life
And you tried to convince me you loved me.
You now have my phone number blocked
Because I found someone else to show me
What love feels like.
It shouldn’t feel like flames burning
And destroying everything around you.
It’s flames burning on the inside,
Burning in your chest
To keep you warm through January.
I was blind.
You had blinded me with so much alcohol
On those Saturday nights
To try and convince me it was right.
But I knew it wasn't in our cards.
And you still hate me for it
To this day.

The fire started in my parent’s room
They tried to shut the door
So my little brother and I wouldn’t know.
The smoke went through the cracks and down the hallway. My father was the one who lit the match,
Even when he promised he wouldn’t.
But like I’ve always been told,
“An addict is always an addict”
and my mother just couldn’t take it anymore.
The fire spread to my bedroom first,
Burning all my childhood memories,
Leaving scars and smoke in my lungs
That would be there forever.
Did they know what they were doing to me? My little brother acts like it never happened. But I know he wishes his role model
Never lit that match.
How could the man who taught him how to play baseball Ever do such a thing?
My little brother stopped playing baseball
And I moved out of my bedroom
But some things will never leave you And to this day I can still smell
The lingering odor of smoke
On my clothes.

Snakes are sneaky
they slither through the grass
without making a sound.
When they bite
it is deadly.
Your words come out like venom
goes into my bloodstream
and nearly kills me.
The only difference is
you do it by making a lot of sound.
Yelling.
You like to yell.
But so do I.
Are my words venom to you as well?
Just before I die, you apologize.
I start breathing again
and I think you do too.
But everyone knows we do this
every weekend
and Snakes never just bite once.

You turn the music up all the way
so you can try to drown out your fathers words
repeating over and over again in your head.
This time it was about your weight.
Even though he couldn't even say it
without all the words coming out slurred
and his eyes rolling to the back of his head.
You wanted so bad to tell him that
you could lose a few pounds,
but he will always be an alcoholic.
But you don't because that would
only make him angrier.
You knew he was only taking it out
on you because his wife was leaving him.
You just walk away
knowing he wouldn't even remember
the conversation in the morning anyway
because he does this all the time
and you're used to it.