I’m spiraling again,
back into the folds of my illness.
I can see the signs,
I can feel the degradation of my mind.
I know the things i’m doing are destructive,
but they are the things keeping me alive.
The things keeping me alive now,
will be the things that destroy me later.
They will come back to bite me.
They will destroy my body,
more than i could do with my bare hand.
I’m in a downward spiral,
and i don’t have the strength,
to bring myself back up.

I still love you,
even though just seeing you hurts me.
I still love you,
even though you were clear that it was over
I still love you,
even though you never loved me.

I knew what we had was temporary
all because it was supposed to be
“no strings attached”.
Everyone knows how this story ends,
one party catches feelings and is left heartbroken,
until, magically, the other person feels the same.
But that isn’t how my story ends.
Im left longing for him
while some other girl lay with him.

how can i tell you any of my secrets?
how can i trust you with my truths?
you who sent me away
you who locked me up
i am the bird
and you are the dog
your words the gun that shot me down
my wings clipped
my tongue tied
my voice silenced
i love you
even as you dig your teeth into my dead flesh