I started out as a normal kid, age seventeen, both good and bad and in between.

My mind was lost in a shadowy haze, thus begun the darkness in my gaze.

The darkness rose up from the ground, like living shadows with forms abound.

The shadows attacked with claws and teeth and hordes of darkness arose from beneath.

They walked through walls and hallowed caves setting the world of darkness ablaze.

My darkest eyes could not see the light, however i pulled forth my sword and chose to fight.

Like a warrior of the light wielded by my blade, but like the darkness i began to fade..

The world i knew cease to exist as objects and buildings began to twist.

The more i fought the harder they came, the more i resisted the more lives they claimed.

As the world began to fade and cease to be, i finally realized that darkness was me...

eyes flicker in and out of conciousness
I stare daggers into walls
dance around chanting some heroic theme song
insert ****** babble
for those of us
who feel too heavy
like invisible chains drag across our ankles
and we hold boulders on our shoulders
that no one else can see
a curse taken from the japanese
or chinese
memory isnt one of our strong points
With razor sharp tongues we see people
sliced up
infront of us
shattering every pathetic little meaning of their existence
no remorse
turn away when there is blood
slice it up, we all have cuts
and bruises and certain scars
Ill paint my filth across these halls
and tell you about what a ***** little ***** I've been
Ill get real messy
and laugh when you call me a *****
for those of us who forget to eat
or want to forget to eat
know that , that weight will never go away
it stays at the pit of your stomach
you will never implode
always be at the peak of something like
a ****** that never happens
For those of us who drink too much
and laugh at how that sounds
because it really  never is enough
we have a certain kind of grit
that never leaves our colon
stays stuck in our intestines
we have a certain kind of fire that burns
its way up our throats and into our eyes
we speak like broken glass

I clawed my demons in the face
gauged out their eyes with my bare hands
I painted victory blood on that ivory staircase
Did my little dance
And then we tasted the laughter of children
knowing we will never again know how that feels
but spend the rest of our lives wanting to
get that feeling back
stare at the helplessness
in your empty hands
these hands could hold
and hit
and cut and stab and mash and grab
they  can caress, though
we break
so
easily

sommige mense siele                                                          so­me people’s souls
                                          skyn van hul                                                              ­ shine out of
                                          ligame uit                                                              ­      their bodies

anders is betrap                                                     others are trapped
                  vasgevang                              ­                                                              emb­roiled

in bitter denke                                                                                      in bitter thoughts
in bitter dade                                                             ­                           in bitter deeds
opgevreet                                                  ­                                            consumed
deur        ­                                                                 ­                               by
angst                          ­                                                                 ­           anxiety
jalousie                                      ­                                                             jeal­ousy
gierigheid                                                  ­                                            greed
onsekerheid    ­                                                                 ­                     uncertainty

opgetwis                       ­                                                                 ­        twisted up
onbewus                                                       ­                                         unaware

I Hear All The Outlawed World

                        I

I hear all the outlawed world in harmony,
The marshling stalks the green and gaunt
Destroyers who heed not sparkling deserts
Charged to the gill, nor candles pitching down
Like doom.  I note the scale of fossils
In cloud covered peaks, record
The seemly count of bodies by square root
And irrational number, I am witness
Bound to bounty to all who blaze in gray
And shallow grooves seeding their ends
In strikes on the ripe and smoldering fields.

                        II

I see all the outlawed world in harmony,
Barking wood bracing by the bud,
Where runs of blue, bury in vain
Down slash of mountain forest, cascading
Into august, rising after the fall,
As do kind-killers blasting from shells
To die as snails creeping under flower,
Who saw the past wasting away
In filed futures, slipping by blades in neck
Of wood, sightless as gallows of trees
Try ****** each time they make their leaves.


                        III

I know all the outlawed world in harmony,
By seamless song of stuttering gulls,
As in conches, waves of providence,
Cell from the center, beating musseled shoals,
Where wailing ghosts and wing-tips point
Printed nails to the silent capes,
And bumble hairs comb round the broken yokes
Stirring streams of babble baited
By flowering psalms, engaging arms to prey
On tales told by the rood and drown
In eyes turning like sands on the sea.