Reluctant to undergo
Anymore of the world
The people and their ways
Predicable in some cases
Unpredictable but not surprising
In many of the cases
Keeping up the positive
Outlook to life
Is becoming more of a struggle nowdays
A sense of weariness
Boredom and experience
Feelings that occur
As a reaction
To people's behaviour
Been in here long enough
Experience adds up
Beating my age hollow
Been there done that
Been there seen that
Been there undergone that
Been there felt and thought that
Life has become University
Doling out Degrees
Same subjects more deeper
Till one gets  a Doctrate
Tried to block
Entered into my head
Cynisicm the first emotion
That comes out as a reaction
Recent transactions i had
Led me to believe
All i had learnt was correct
First time around
The savage ways of the world
I was unaware
Internalised it the hard way
Butchered all along the way
This time around
Nothing has changed
Except my head not in line
Under the slaughter machine
My World Weariness
Offering complete protection
People trying the same tricks
Remains at trying
World weariness does not
Stop them
At giving a shot again
To short change or shoo away
They forgot that the tutorial class i attended was marked by them
Didn't realise my marks didn't reflect my learning
Future associations taught me swell
These sharks come across like kids
Who I'm able to handle with my wits
Which were lacking when they did this
Not surprised has taken them totally by surprise
One great thing
That happened to me
After this transformation
Innocence a distant past
Cynical current and present
I understand the films
Chinatown and Night Moves better
Jake Gittes and Harry Moseby played by Jack Nicholson and Gene Hackman
Were probably inspired by the lives
Of people like us
And we look up to them
With a sense of satisfaction
We are living them in life
They lived us in character
Which they also borrowed from their lives

Educated and foolish
Illetterate and Wise
Need not be the case
Staring at life face to face
One must have insight
Ability to discriminate
Find his true place
Or else blame fate
Wisdom the ability
Understanding the reasons
Of past frailty
Merged within consciously
To be appropriately used when the past repeats itself repeatedly
Albeit not identical
Ability to handle
Far more rational
No left over
Start a clean slate
Ability to educate
Using the past as a template
Never fooled again
Nothing to do with the other
But next time he deals you better
Wisdom had the power
To send the message
That the learning has started
Lessons being learnt
Mistakes never repeated
Badly never treated

Is there a god
Is he sitting in heaven
Is he all pervading force
Is he the nature itself
Is he inside us
Why cannot he be all
Why can't he sit in heaven
Guiding us with his spirit
Watching us delivering on merit
Be the supernatural force
That makes sure to enforce
The balance in this universe
Why can't he be inside of us
For us to realise that he's everywhere
Why limit a limitless god
Why define a god who can't be defined
Why give him a place
When all that's is is his
Why divide him
When he is one
Taking many forms
Being the One
He does not want to
Disturb your senses
Making you doubt him
Not realising that the doubt is also him and he is beyond any doubt
You are only doubting yourself
Not a matter of faith or hope
But the plain simple truth
For all to know
How many more indications will he show
When he need not
Bow to our wishes
Vice versa the world is perfect

You remain in my thoughts
Day and night
Want to say
Don't know the way
There is only one way
My fear stands in the way
Honest expression is not a sin
But feeling guilty within
Fear of rejection parading my heart
If you don't respond what will I retort
If you do and my pessimism comes true
Can't handle it at all
Not tell you
Leave it vague
There is a pleasure in it
Finding sadness in a likeable frame
Or regret not telling you rest of the way
I don't know the answer yet
Push comes to shove i don't have the guts
Part of me tells me
You don't have to reciprocate
My feelings are enough
Remaining within me
Churning and grinding to heart's content
Preparing to tell you
Gives me an agenda
To try vicariously the styles i could convey my thoughts
Best option yet
Will not keep me satisfied
A Dreamlands picturesque
Image projected
If you would confess what you have
Never happens in reality
Doesn't mean i can't dream
Makes the truth harder
When fantasy seizes
Plethora of emotions
Could be ended by a single line
Is there a time
Called the right time
Time will tell if you are a passion
Or just an infatuation

You never know,
if things are really scary,
Or
Is it our imagination that freaks us out?

Why is that
Every fear
That  i fear
A feeling of threat
Danger and harm
Has a funny way
Of coming true
Anticipation of unpleasant
Situations
Due to valid reason
Or a gut triggered emotion
Never escaped even one
Hunted me down every time

Lacking the guts
To face the fuss
A coward i was
Step aside because
Timid and weak
In my heart

Brought it forward
I was the same
As long as i remember
First few years didn't help either

Waves of anxiety
Top gear to my heart beating faster
Trembling of the legs
Stuttering of the mouth


Anger deep inside
Inability to express
Buckling in distress
Act of cowardice

Everything under the sun
Being hurt physically
Mind played with psychologically
Made fun of publicly
Bullied with savagery

Feared these forever
How they existed
I  am not sure
Spent my life looking for a cure

Wanted to be popular
Dug myself a grave 6 feet under
Trying to please everybody
Could see through me easily

A major school event
Had a problem with a fellow student
Boycotted the event
Realised nobody missed even my name

Bullied by the Vice Principal
Was also a table tennis coach
I too was a player
He treated me like a joker

Jokes at my expense
Was a daily occurence
School sport or neighborhood
Played by others like a fool

Feared a teacher
Hoping she not be my tutor
Murphy law at play
She made me regret everyday

Wanted to change
My so far image
Tried hard in college
Only to minimal effect


Studying in America
A childhood dream
Feared the visa interview
Greeted a lady officer as " Sir " out of pure fear

Rejected time and again
Angst never could contain
Wrong impression given
Get ready to face rejection

Feared of not having friends
Was ok on that end
Still struggling on that front
A good friend yet to gain

Fear of loneliness
Covering my heart with darkness
Almost reached there
Fear has taken aim at that

Wanted to avoid
Lead a life devoid
Of Bullying  and despair
One. Thing to be proud I'm rare

Afraid that I'd be.
Without a family
So it was to be
Alone and lonely

Wanted to be on par
With family and friends.
Whenever with them
Can feel the difference

Working in the markets
Got blamed for an error i did not falter
Took a year to.
Come out in the clear

The divorce proceedings
In an ugly hearing
Esteem all time low
Can't go further below

Why did i fear
What was the trigger
The mess between my ears
Took   decades to recover

This is a recall
Of events in the past
Following Bruce Lee and his philosophy
Given me the courage to face fear face to face

Anything is everything
Day In and Night Out

Right here in this moment
Instead of apart

Exchanging deep whispers
Loving our touch

Forgetting the hours
Reacting with kisses

Instead of strangers
Growing as lovers

Lingering moments
Affirming we should be one.

Bachpan se tha laad  pyaar,
Sab mein achhe, imaandaar,
Hum bhi banenge khuddaar,
Sabne kaha bahu samachaar,
Par bahar jaane ka naakar tu vichaar,
Duniya mein bari hai andkaar.


Bachpan se tha laad pyaar,
Clg hogaya ab job ka tha khayaal
Ek dum se nikle the bahar,
Hairaan hogaye dekhkar,
Aise hotha hai dhuniya dhaar,
Na khoi address ka tha patha,
Na koi routes ka idea tha,
Poore shareer ke andhar chah gaya tha dar.

Bachpan se tha laad pyaar,
Junoon tha man mei,
Dhikana tha duniya ko kuch bankar,
Par jab aayi naukri ki baari,
Paani paani hogayi confidence saari,
Zor zor se padgaye thaane,
Aakhir kyu aati ** tum kamane.
Jo bachpan se thi perfect,
Uspe padgayi daant ka effect,
Mote mote nikalgaye aasu,
Rou bhi na toh kya karu khasu.
Rone ki humpe lag *** tag,
Sabko jaise bangayi mazak.

Kehne ko aazad hai hum,
Abhi bi hai laachari ki gum,
Aasan nahi hotha yeh sehna,
Mazak banake na rakdo,
Mere bhai aur behna.

...I sometimes think...
......the only reason we fear the dark...
.........is because deep down...
............we know...
...............how easy...
..................we could fall into it...
...And that idea scares us...
......because we have...
.........no idea...
............of the destruction...
...............we are capable of...

Lie, life, live 

Live life and add a v and f
Life lives and add a f, v and s
Lie, add nothing to the truth
Lie, it's already been identified

Live a Life without Lies 
add a v, f and s
Live a Life 
add a v and f, please listen