The fairy's would spin and twirl
through the long green grass
where the daffodils to grow
so the wind rarely blows
now their wings are cut
so the pixies do not soar
they trudge in the mud
drenched in the rain

Vampire teeth are filed down
Dracula no longer smiles
as no one skitters at the sight of his grin
in their shadows they lived as monsters
free from societies constraints
now dentists approve of their teeth
but they still jump from shadow to shadow
scared of the truth they can't bare to face

Santas sleigh can not fly
it used to leap magestically
between warm rooftops
where smoke does rise out the chimney
but now the reindeers are tired
their hoofs cemented to the ground
bells no longer ringing against the wind
the nights are now silent

So now I'm left to wonder
and I really do ponder
has this magic disappeared
or is it just lost to me?

I felt relief
although my heart did stop with grief
the silence hugged me tightly
wrapping it's warm arms around me

The relentless barking is gone
but your steady beating heart is too
your hair I used to brush
is now buried under smooth ground

I miss the days of simplicity
The ignorance I never got to appreciate
When the news was miles away
Just words inscribed on a page
I miss the days that I never loved
The past I never before hoped to relive
I miss when problems were mine alone
I miss when I could fix it
I miss when it was easy to just put the knife down
To pull it away from my skin
But now millions hold a knife
Whilst the rest sit and watch

The pillars crumble and
the walls crack but
I don't just watch it fall
I don't just do nothing at all

I grab my sledgehammer and
I try to swing but
a hand reached out
a voice tried to shout

The nonexistent sirens and
the deafening loud noise but
I don't hear a single thing
I only know a single ring

I look back and
I no longer see a person but
a shadow I knew
a memory that's no longer true

A poets a lost musician
the talents a gift
the ability to compose poems
arrange words in a fitting way
to evoke strong reactions

However their doomed to a life
searching for their band
a group of people
to accompany them in life
the void of which
will grant the depth of sadness
deep into their writing

The music they've lost
forced to live without
haunts their poem
dancing between the lines
of emotional burden.

I ooze despair
I leak despiration
it pools at my feet
warns others of the misery
till me soal does leave
my lifeless shell
my sagging skin

I watch you
you leave slowly
inching away
does guilt wrap you?
tether you still
close to me
the pool does drift you anyway
and away you go.

I read books again and again,
the characters comfort me
as we grow close over time
their actions predictable
their thoughts always positive
their attitude unbeatable

I read books again and again,
I'm not afraid to say
that I love these people
imprinted on the page,
My time is spent
choosing to continue our journey
a decision they can not make themselves

For my friends in these words
they do not know me or know of me
that I observe them
commenting on their world
which I myself will never get to live in,
Even so with them as my vessel
I do try my best
by reading my books again and again.

I stare at the camera shutter
as it opens and closes slowly
a flash of light,
encapsulating this time,
these seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months,
years.
It can all change so quickly
or so slowly.
So dreadfully, painfully slowly
that minutes seem to last forever
that years seem a while life time away

So as the lens stares back
at my smiling cheeks
at my red eyes,
I wonder how long this will last
and in a while lifetime,
I mour what could of been, what will never be,
most importantly what I long to be

Until the pictures taken.

Sometimes I feel guilty
for all the stories I will never read
for the character who's wisdom I'll never know
for the books I leave untouched
as all these tales hold the authors heart
their beliefs and values they aspired to share
the world's they wished they lived in
the friends they wished they had
which I will now never know

a war rages on inside my brain
two voices dominate the rest,
as one call for more guns and bombs
it's only aim to cause damage,
the other whispers for peace
with a soft voice thats not fit for combat,
all it can do is silently gain support
of innocent onlookers

inside your head do fatalities also rise
at the hands of bullets that strangle soft voices,
does your heart wish for peace
wailing against the sound of warfare

I look deep into your eyes
for any clues for the victor,
wondering if my words did help
or get drowned out by screams

My days been a horrible one
for no specific reason.
I lay in bed I'm boredom
scrolling endlessly on my phone
in a desperate attempt to preoccupy my mind
away from the decisions that plague me

All day I tried to break this curse
of this neverending scroll.
My attempts to pry my face from the screen
have been continuously unsuccessful

However, now the rain does fall outside
comforting me greatly
even in the peak of summer
the world does give me the greatest gift
the ocean
the rivers
the ponds
falling outside my window

So with my cat sleeping by my side
I vow to drop my phone and pick up my book
as though I may not get up from my vertical position
as though the sun's getting ready to sleep
this day is still mine and I'll spend it how I please

I cry at inconveniences,
ones that wouldn't impact others
yet leave my inconsolable.

Id like to say I'm proud
of my ability to feel everything so deeply.
Unfortunately I dislike it the most
as I often get written off as hysteric,
my options rarely get heard

I try to comfort myself, often failing
until I came to a grave realisation.
Maybe I'm not too emotional,
the worlds just been dulled

So strangers starving no longer feels big,
So we don't cry for people who die
if we've never met them.

Maybe I'm not even emotional enough
because every day I still get out of bed with a smile
whilst someone else looses their most beloved.

Maybe I'm a terrible person
for carrying on when they can't.

I don't think I've ever missed anyone
The feeling feels unknown
frightening
Because whilst I take notices of people absences
Because whilst I care about them deeply
I've never had the feeling
Of being too alone without them
Of wondering what they're doing
Of wanting them to be thinking about me
My heart has never ached for them
to have them by my side

Im unsure if this makes me bad
a bad daughter
a bad sister
a bad friend
an undeserving figure in others lives
Do I not merit their loving care
or their warm bright stare?