I yearn to give her my heart,
though there isn't a heart anymore,
just a hole, and open door,
a door to the darkest hell,
an entrance to a past of a man who has been shred apart.

"Find an anchor"
Because anchors hold you down,
And keep you from floating out to sea,
I once thought it was love,
Though that was silly of me,
Because love is pretentious,
And is no longer a part of me.
Love is dead,
And the only thing that anchors me down,
Are the thoughts in my head.

If I **** my mind,
Maybe I'll be able breathe,
Maybe if I don't think,
I won't crave to drink,
Maybe I don't have thoughts,
I will want to live
So I'll numb over.
And reject every thought,
Because then at least I'm alive

I sit and strum a chord,
though mess up on the tab because I zone out,
these thoughts shouldn't be here,
and are obviously off the board.
and that is without a doubt
but these lingering thoughts,
are of you, my dear.
I can't get them to go away,
lately they've stayed growing stronger with each passing day

A glance up,
A man stands within the shadow's drape,
That man, was always there,
And always glanced back.
The man followed,
This man ******* haunted me.
Heart lukewarm,
complimented by blue eyes chilling as ice.
Observing the man,
We spoke during silence,
Throughout the lulls in minds thought.
I noticed the darkness is his aura,
wickedness thriving from him.
From his tainted heart.
As soulless portals otherwise claimed as eyes.
Standing there,
attempting to place a lull in thought,
For the thoughts were all of violence,
The man was in front,
Though hard to make out,
In the shadows drape,
An the lights gleam.
A smile emerged and began to beam,
A smile as warm as a summer street,
a smile so bittersweet,
Though as bare feet walk along the asphalt's turns,
warm turns to pain and burns
Yet filled with remorse,
And observing the smile, the demons evolved to be worse.
The silence grew furious,
The violence grew stronger,
fists clenched,
Thoughts causing a riot.
To **** the beast,
To save other's from his pain,
allow love to flow after he is slain.
A glance into the glass,
And it seems to be,
That the shadows in glass, in the mirror,
Seem to be surrounding me.
A clenched jaw,
And toughest of the hurt,
The hurt caused,
by this wretched shell of a man.
"GET OUT OF HERE YOU ******* BEAST"
I hate the man in the mirror to say the least.

This world's crazy,
And my thoughts are growing hazy,
Of how your lips felt against mine,
And how our bodies would intertwine.

"I don't know if I loved you"

Those words echo throughout my heart, crushing it.

Why couldn't you...?

My love for you was Russian Roulette,
The choice of gun was a Revolver.
Each chamber was to a month,
with a bullet set in the sixth.
I gripped the handle,
and aimed toward my leg,
though instead of nervous during the journey,
I grew comfortable...
Yet When our sixth month came.
You took the gun from my hands and aimed it at my heart.
You didn't take any hesitate to pull the trigger,
then you disappeared as I bleed on the ground.
It's been ages.
Though i'm still left in shreds,
now it's 5:46 in the morning and i'm still grieving,
even though it's been ages since our game.
I guess i'm a sore loser.
My heart is gone and it's an empty hollow,
My choice of a filler is ***** and cigarettes,
Mother wasn't lying when she said first loves tear you apart.

She said she loved his long hair,
That's why when he went to the hairdresser he got his hair buzzed.

"What color makes you feel the safest?"
"Green?"
"Why?"
"Because that's the color I see when I look in her eyes."

Oh, She changed my world from black and grey, to shades of every hue.
She wrapped her rope around my heart,
I knew it the second I looked in her jade eyes,
She had me hooked from start.

People use definitions to define others, along with themselves.
such as I?
Well, I am worthless.

I remember hearing the sound of heels,
clicking behind me,
I recall how it made me feel,
I thought when I turned around Id see the most gorgeous lass,
And I was right,
I saw you.

"do you hate anyone"
Yes, myself.
And I'm sorry, I know you want me to be happy with who I am.
Because I do no good,
And I'm sorry, I know you deserve better.
No matter how hard I try,
I'm sorry, maybe I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't want to be bad
I'm sorry I lied and said I was good
But I always **** up.
I'm sorry, I'm always sorry
So almost every sentence is followed with "I'm sorry"
Just know, I'm sorry, for everything

Your mind intrigues me.  
Every little thought,
No matter if they're silly or petty.
I could listen to them for hours.
Thinfs you discovered about yourself,
What your dreams are,
What happened during your childhood,
Why a color is your favorite,
Or what made you get into this hobby.
I want to know you, like An actor knows the lines from their favorite play.

Everyone has different defitions for each word.
And for mine...
It's you

The images of you two, you and him, they're ******* vivid,
And I sit in my room livid.
All I want is your love,
but I guess that will be left for me to only dream of.

Five shots,
And a couple beers,
And you're still not out of my mind.
You're not supposed to ******* be here

Today I am but a shadow of the man I used to be,
the man I was before your fingers grazed my cheek.
Though I'm moving forward,
and my shadow is behind me.
I can say that I'm happy.

He hadn't the slightest clue of who would leave or stay.
So he spent his days pushing them away.
Until he saw those gorgeous eyes, the girl who could break down the towering walls along his heart.
And soon because the muse for all of his art.

I began my year with wanting to be your New Years kiss,  funny how that's how it's ending too.

As I get home I find myself excited to talk to you,
as we talk I find myself laughing at your ****** puns.
I ponder as to why I'm laughing.
I don't laugh at anyone else's horrid punchlines.
I don't see why I would.
and then it hits,
like a freight train slammed into my chest,
I'm left breathless and frazzled.
I'm falling to my knees in shock,
and falling in love again...
and I tell myself to stop.
But you see,
that's the thing..
I can't stop the feelings,
Just as  I cannot conjure or force them.
That's the thing with our emotions,
we don't invoke them.
They invoke themselves

I recalled a time when I was referred to as the sun,
though maybe I wasn't.
Maybe I was the moon,
Simply just a gray reflection of what I wanted to be.

People often describe memories that are haunting, and I have plenty of those.
Though the haunting doesn't bother me as far as ghosts.
The feeling of being haunted comes in waves,
though the ghost follows you around.
My past love is a ghost,
fueled by an ever so familiar beating heart.
So familiar for it is myocardium.
When you left, you still had my heart.
These days I run on alcohol, cigarettes, and compliments from lasses I could never love.
Never love until I **** the ghost of my past love.
Though you can't **** a creature spawned from the undead.

When you left me you said you didn't love me,
I was heartbroken...
Though now I discovered,
I didn't love you either.
So here's to the circles we chased that year,
And all the times I called you dear.
Merry Christmas,
Happy Hanukkah,
Whatever you celebrate these days.
Here's to times I'll never forget,
With a person whose words slip my mind.
Just as easily as
"Wait don't leave"
Left my mouth.

The memories could've been amazing,
But you're just ******* coward.

She kisses my cheek,
And I realized we never had our last kiss,
And I never wanted it to end up like this,
The waters are getting rough,
And I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
I'll stop trying so hard, I don't have the energy,
Maybe I will next week.

One of the most heart wrenching things..
Is how immensly I love(d) you,
But how unsure you were if you loved me..
And how now, we are light years away,
As if we are strangers,
Strangers with the most heartfelt memories and secrets.

Put me on display,
Like I'm a work of Art in a museum.
I want criticism,
I want to know what to be,
so I can be good enough.

You know..
You know..
You...
You don't,
You know nothing about me anymore.
You lost that when we met,
As did I..
Though you don't know me,
My dreams,
My craving,
Not even my middle name
We are just strangers with fond memories,
And what a ******* shame that is to me.

People may say that I'm bad,
maybe it's because I yearn to be your habit,

                                             Because,
                                             ****, how I crave that I could be a cigarette,
                                             Packed full of nicotine,

                                             With each inhale with me against your lips,
                                             Your intoxicating lips
                                             You would slowly grow addicted,


If I'm bad,
than then let it be so,
but if I have to be bad,
let me be your bad habit, baby girl.

What if I would have disappeared before I even ****** us up..
You would be happ834
But I didnt..
And I'm sorry.
I'm a burden

I went through the entire day,
I was fine, until I saw the date.
The 28th...
*******, why did you walk away?

I understand that I'm not the lad of your dreams,
The lad you want in a relationship with you,
Or the lad you'll dance with.
And that I'm too hopeful for these things.

But, what I do hope comes true.
That one day, when you're painting. You use a certain hue of blue.
That reminds you of my eyes.
And then you realize.
That I would have traveled the world for you.
And that I loved you, more than anything.

"What was so different about her than everyone else?"
We clicked, I didn't have to try hard,
Everything was so natural,
We had our differences, yeah.
Though they didn't define us.
We were happy together.
I'm not saying there weren't problems,
But we faced them, and they usually never bested us,
But,
She was home.

Lightening in my veins.
And thunder in my heart,
This internal storm will surely rip me apart.

A part of me wants you to say my name,
Just as innocent as can be,
As in the way to grab my attention.
Just to start a conversation with me.

But a hungry part of me wants to hear you moan my name.
As you did im the past,
Just as it was back during summer,
God those days went by too fast.

I remember looking Into your jade eyes,
Falling asleep to your heartbeat,
It grew to be my favorite lullaby.

I just want more more night,
One more night before you rule me out.
One more before you say it isn't right

I remember when Id kiss you suddenly and you'd inhale air,
I remember holding you some nights you'd fight to stay away but lull asleep in my arms,
I remember our first kiss and the spark ignited with it,
I remember every song you've sung to me, and your lovely voice.
I remember you holding me after a seizure,
I remember everything..
And lately you're in every corner of my mind

Have you ever wanted something so bad, but know you were immensely unlikely to achieve it?
Some wish fame.
Some wish wealth.
Some wish talent.
I wish happiness.
All seem uncanny when you think about them.

The fact that death lurks after me frightens me.
I never noticed how easy it is to halt a pulse, how easy it is for a heart to stop.
Maybe I'm not even scared of death.
Maybe I'm scared of not living a memorable life.

I'm not on drugs,
I'm in love,
But maybe love is just as strong.

I'm a messy eater,
I mix up my words,
I never quite make sense,
I'm loud,
And I often frustrate you..
But just know that I adore you.

I love who I am, I swear I do,
But on nights like these,
it's hard to believe
That anyone else could love me too.

I haven't broken in months,
and the only thing I want worse than shattered knuckles and a ****** fist,
Is your lips against mine,
Though,
I'll act as if everything is swell,
I'll say everything is fine.
But I know that we can't, that we won't be.
and I know the fact but I can't not dwell.

Change me,
Change me, to be a lad worth wanting,
Change me so I can be good enough,
I just want to be worthy.
Use me,
Use me make me yours,
Use me even if for one night,
I just want you close.
Love me, oh please.
Love me how I love you,
I just want you to show it briefly.
Make me, oh make me,
Make me into a man you can love,
Make me into a prince,
I just don't want to be a beast.
Keep me,
Keep me sane,
Keep me calm,
Keep me pure, im tired of living tainted.
I just want to be in possession of a good soul.

I told you every body left,
I told you every body gave up.
You assured me you wouldn't,
I believed you...
But It turns out I was right.

"What do you want"
I..-
"Anything at all, whatever you wish"
Her happiness.
"What are you willing to sacrifice."
Everything..