Waiting before school
A gift in the front pocket of my bag
On the mildest last day before Christmas
I've ever known.

Pacing before school
A gift in the front pocket of my bag
Rubbing my hands together
As if I was cold.

Looking before school
A gift in the front pocket of my bag
Realising too slowly
She wasn't coming.

Hidden but not,
Enough,
For me,
A creature of night,
The light exposes,
Pulls away the cloak,
That keeps me from,
Hurting,
And forces me,
To face my fear,
And cope with my past.

I've lost hope again,
As so many times before,
But eyes opened now.

You told me to *******,
So I did,
And I'm not coming back,
Friends who won't stand by me,
Are not worth having anyway,
So I'll go back to what I know,
Living life on my own,
No friends,
No chains,
No duty,
No obligations,
Just hopeless,
Lonesome wandering,
With no goal,
No support,
And no happiness.

Am I no more than a stone in your shoe?
To be flicked away like empty wrappers,
Or used up batteries,

Am I used up?
Have I fulfilled my purpose?
My merit in your mind hit zero,
And plunged into resentment.

Is there no reason to keep me around?
Am I too much trouble?
Two genders too many for you?
Or is it just that you can't stand that I'm her friend too?

She does not belong to you,
So stop acting like me being near her,
Is going to hurt her.

But I guess it's too late now.

Shaking hands,
Shaky heart,
Shaken mind,
Will not stop me,
From smiling again,
Dancing again,
Laughing again,
Even when things aren't,
Easy to deal with,
Simple to cope with,
Painless to live with,
Because I am stronger,
Than my mistakes,
Than bitter stabs,
And hateful words.