Each time I tuck you in
I am anchored
With love
My eyes allow you
In my classified space
You land in my head
For the slightest moment
Until
Wanderlust hits
Swimming to my edges
Nourishing my stream
Ending with my heart
As it sings in joy
Inviting you in
Where my damaged soul
Floats in dark isolation
Her pain is paralyzed
In your presence
You love her perfectly
Without expectations
Holding her hand
Guiding her
On your journey  
She is fed  
By the glow  
you spread
Now feeling alive
You bring her back
Deep inside my heart
Less bruised
And,
Kiss her goodnight

Jl 2016

I've realized that when I can't be with you, you'll be with someone else. I've come to accept the fact that other girls' sheets have felt the skin on your back as you give yourself away to them. I wonder if you realize that every time you're with someone else you're throwing away a little piece of me. You claim the girls you're with are only temporary, as if they were placeholders trying to fill the void in your heart where I used to be. As if they were just keeping my seat warm. When in fact they're just setting my spot on fire and as it engulfs in flames you just stand and watch me fade away. It's like I'm always just a step behind you, trailing along like a child looking for their mother in a grocery store. When I get lost I click my feet three times but it never brings me home. I can close my eyes and see images of you walking out the door but I can never figure out where you're going. I've started drinking ***** to wash down the memories but it boils in my chest until I cough them back out. I wander the streets hoping I might run into you because I forget we're on different paths now. It's like a dirt trail through a forest I have never seen before. It's a never ending journey that I find myself making in hopes of crossing paths with you again, hoping that if I get lost you'll come find me. I turn songs on the radio and all I hear is you shouting leave me alone and I can't love you anymore. It's like every empty picture frame haunts me with the thought of never seeing you again. I want to be able to run home to you but there's an ocean between us and I forgot how to swim. I drown myself in the salt water that leaves trails down my face as I remember what it's like to listen to your heartbeat. I wonder how fast it goes as you lay next to someone new because I know I can feel the blood rushing through  my veins at the thought of you with someone else. I'm starting to shake again and as my hands are trembling I just want you to hold them and tell me everything's gonna be alright.

I visited her cottage each month, never
staying the night

through her window by the oak table
we watched the surf

on days when the sea was angry, we could hear
the waves crack against earth's spare spine

those times I liked, for she would hold my hand,
tightly, like I was her tether to the wide world

I would leave as the sun set, the moment a million
gold sparkles vanished from the waters

when I found her, I pretended she was asleep
but her eyes were open and still

staring it seemed through the same window
I sat with her and rubbed her cold hand

I stayed until the sun sank into the same salty sea
wondering if the old tales were true...

if a billion tears had flowed into the blue depths
making a soulful brine

I know mine fell on the soggy sand, disappearing
in the dusk that swallowed my tracks