There were hidden love notes left
and I've taken them all down
so you don't have to fear
running into my love.

Then prove it.

And she's doing cartwheels
inside my heart.

Empty me out
blood,
to the floor.

Open my veins,
hung from the door.

I love you
I say a thousand times
Would say
has said
wrapping my arms
around you
I will protect you
I will fight any battle for you
I will be the warm water
pouring into your empty cup
Filling you up,
pulling you to shore,
mouth to mouth,
you gasp...
you're back.

... save me.

I turn,
the trap tray,
in my hand,
other
on the light switch.

Deep sigh

...

thesoundofmyownbreath

...

an empty place

...

move on with your night

comfort shows
itself
in
comfort shows
on Hulu.

Our purity
such golden value,
and you can say I'm worthy
but I am,
in your eyes,
absolutely
worth less.

If there is a ghost of you
these are the edges
the cheek-turn,
the second-guesses,
the body-lean
the back I face
as I only cry this blood
wishing for your grace.

Yeah,
that's what Rex said.

You're in good company,
I guess.

What the **** else do you
want me to say about it?

If I could hold you a thousand times
it'd never be enough
If I could kiss you a thousand times
it'd never be enough
If I could love you a thousand times
it'd never be enough
But if you could hold me
just once
and never let me go
it just might be enough.

Seriously,
don't come to close
to me.

Your body becomes
flowing water beneath
my hands. I mold you,
clay. You are so
tight.

Stretching you, bare,
we search for lips,
meet, starving
worshipers who
sacrifice themselves
on the temple
of the other.

Hand on your ***
I've made a meal of you.
****** four ways
you pull your legs
as far apart as you can,
begging for breeding,
and my heavy load of seed,
explodes against your ******

And we are home.

Despite your
repulsive
stench.

And let everyone you meet in the future
know that you deserve to be
#foreveralone
because if you pick someone in the future
and they fail in any way
you will be quick
to jump to a different
****.

It's funny,
you know
that this relationship
that seemed about
teaching me to trust again,
has only turned me
into a Mysoginist.

I want you to know that
your fears are warranted
but we will face them
together.

Suddenly death blooms
the old is gone
and we can be born
again.

All at once
life peels away
like safety scissors
through fresh
orange colored
construction paper.

Fully bloomed indigo billowing cloud
A silver-lining's touch of grey

It's hard to fix,
when she's taking
strange *****.

Your hair
tangles
hands
across hips
the color red
your familiar
alien scent
as stars dance
in your dilating eyes.

Sometimes I want to die
and life can't change my mind.

How did it feel to watch me,
trusting you,
oblivious
to all your crimes
against us?

You proved everyone right.

You proved me wrong.

What a cool waking to life again
edging towards the green
euphoria seeps in the mind
as the cold of Winter leaves.

From the dead
and from the gray
roots of love
find a way.

Seriously,
I want to know.

How can I be loved
When it pushed all love away
How can I be good
When it pushed all goodness away
How can I be alive
When it pushed my life away?

Veins in leaves
Air on my face
My love for you

I wear a tie around my neck
and Testoni's over my socks
but underneath
my feet
are covered in pitch
throat is raspy
from too much ******
and cigarettes.

Walking into service
some splash water
from a golden bowl
onto their faces;
others snub
their cigarettes
out in it.

A monk teaches
that breathing
is the key to life;
he dies from
emphyzema
as Shaolin franchises
spring up across the globe
selling soap
at golf resorts.

How can it be
that after all
you're just another
stereotype.

1 Tbsp. disbelief
1 cup shredded heart
2 Tbsp. self hate
1 whole core life memory, shredded
2 minced cloves, bitter
2 teaspoons of copy-cat extract

Mix into a leather loop.

Put your neck in,
pantomime.
Almost wish
that clip
stuck.

When the world
falls apart around you
remember breakfast
is the most important meal.

To think
I felt guilty
playing video games
while you were
*******
another man.

The world crumbles
as my feet lose footing
as my eyes stare, crying
as my heart stops, dissolving
as my soul becomes emptiness
as my hardest attempts to
hold on
are met with
nothing.

It's funny how quickly
people disrespect you,  
when you start realizing
your worth.

Maybe if I were to die
you would die too
and the world would be
a better place?

The only thing
harder than my pain
is how I press the letters
writing messages
to you that
I will delete,
unsent.

One: 24 hour denial
Two: Tears
Three: Try to stuff it down
Four: Fail
Five: Tears
Six: Completely breakdown
Seven: Go to hospital because you wish it were you
Eight: Destroy all semblance of normal
Nine: Tears, fear
Ten: She makes you realize the sky has fallen in
Eleven: You realize again, a star explodes, you hadn't seen the light
Twelve: Love

My heart is turning in knots
and I never was
a Boy Scout
a knot master
and the thinnest ice
is crisp like
this year's
death.

Sun fades into the clock
as calendar days
are stricken off one by one.

And all my dreams are memories.
And all my hopes rewind.
And all the listless days she's had
begin to multiply.

Consumed consummation,
rotating indecision.
Feral and harrowed
and narrowed precision.

(You've seen this movie before)

My stomach is full
dessicated butterfly bodies,
drowned in the acid
of my stomach.

(It's always the same story)

I will gargle glistening aspic,
purge until I bleed out.
But the only way I'm leaving
is with you, beyond all doubt.

(...what if this time's different?)

And there's
no girl
in the passenger seat
to keep me
in my lane.

My gutters leak blood
a menstruating pregnant woman.
Golden homicidal mothers
glance down from the entrance
of a Khmer city.

Typillian city we burn down every few decades
and build again.
Abandonded Anasazi
pueblos.
I can’t understand
you
I am a cryptologist failing to decipher
ancient Harappan.

Just, endless
in my sleep.
Show me the way
to finally find peace.

You pulled
so far away
but I
kept the faith.

Little did I know
you were commiting crimes
against my heart.

And now
the faith
isn't
so
easy.

I see pictures of you
and recoil
in shock
at the sight
of the face
of the girl
you destroyed
(she wasn't real,
she drowned herself
inside of you).

I have a box of tools,
useless,
and debris.
Pistol-pin,
rifle-lock,
shorn and ****** knees.

I lay here only
motionless
in a flood.
Turn me over,
face to Sun,
mercurial soul of blood.

Your body
is a temple
I'd crawl to,
****** knees.

Wash hands in the holy water
of your eyes
kneel at the altar
of your thighs
confess my sins
to your mouth.

I couldn't get high
with all that guilt
if I were you,
either.

Gaze down I examine
the dried once-white paint
peeling away from
the wooden window frame.

I am abbreviated
in my stance
as the knock reaches my ear.

Who are you?
I know you,
I mean,
I knew you.
I knew you?
I knew you...

Sunlight catches the air

I realize it was a dream.
I was wake-walking
into that leaning
blue-hearted home,
whose colonial frames
bear the weight of guilt,
peering, leaning
into me.

I become nothing.

Like a stranger you appear
the places you left in
my construction paper-heart
now finding ways to divide schismically.

There are parts,
some better,
filling in your
silhouette.

Separate phone plans.
Separate bank accounts.
Separate vehicles.
Separate homes.
Separate insurance.
Separate hearts.
Separate lives.

Separate.

The hold music is especially poignant today
and my heart is hurting
as I wash the last dish you ever used,
feeling the last warm water that involves you,
with my fingers wrinkling up one last time
as I commit this morning ritual,
again,
with no one to celebrate it with.

A way to sing the praise
of rotting memories
without the tears
without the years
without the tears
without the years

...

you could come
if you choose.