What is this
I thought
I figured it out

Dôńt thē dėçøråtïõńš måkē įt härdęr tø rêãd

When you're the best of friends,
Having so much fun together,
You're not even aware you're such a funny pair,
You're the best of friends.
Life's a happy game,
You can clown around forever.
Neither one of you see's you're natural boundaries,
Life's one happy game.
If only the world wouldn't get in the way,
If only people would just let you play,
They say you're both being fools,
You're breaking all the rules.
They can't understand,
The magic of your wonderland.
When you're the best of friends,
Sharing all that you discover,
When these moments have past,
We'll let friendship last,
Who can say, there's a way!
Oh I hope...
I hope it never ends.
Cause you're the best of friends...

I miss the warm bed, but cold air
The way the fire popped in the morning
Or hot cocoa in the evening
Or frost on the grass
I miss the sweaters, hoodies, sweatpants
And visible breathe, teeth chattering
Hand holding
Snuggle closer
Hug tighter
Warm and toasty
winter.

My heart must be fooling me

I could say things are relatively the same as last year,
But they are not.
We've grown, I've grown
I feel myself thinking more maturely
There are some things that were an option last year,
That will never be an option again,
I have grown to realize that I can't be lazy enough
To let myself slip away again,
Last year, people, me included, were love sick,
Desperately seeking affection, love, care,
But this year I think we all know we are loved,
And that that person will come around one day,
That it doesn't have to be now
I could say it just another year of high school,
But it is somehow completely different

I feel separated from everything that is happening
Like the audience attending a musical, watching
Not involved, yet knowing everything that's happening
It's the strangest feeling of being unconnected,
And I have to say, I'd rather be a performer than the audience

I have never met someone as selfish, rude, and ridiculous
And now, I have to have anxiety attacks because
I have to struggle through a whole week alone with you

The land was what they knew
The land was what they grew
What beautifully efficient people
The kindness in their eyes
Yet a certain sorrow lingered
Because of their demise,
And I could only feel guilty
That I was born white,
Because my greedy race
Led to the Cherokee flight
They left their mountain homes
Thousands died along that trail
But I'm grateful for the nation
That survives to tell the tale

I dreamt of you last night
And thought of you this morning
It's true I like you so
But I'm not ready
I'm afraid I'll never be ready
Maybe one day
My mind will be at ease
And my heart will unlock its doors

She drew and she drew
Until she looked at all the pictures
And they all were versions of you

First thing, you are beautiful, You may not realize it,
Because I know I don't feel that way about myself
But so many people agree on how pretty you are
Second, I know you don't feel a reason for living
Well I can promise I don't have all the answers,no one does
But I know that God made a choice when He decided.
He decided you were amazing enough to bring into the world
Whether  you believe it or not, He loves you, and has a plan
Remember, at the end of a storm there is always a rainbow
Third, you are not trash. No one on this earth is
You are a human being made God's Image
And anything created in God's Image is never trash
Fourth, you are one of the most talented people I know
No one else can play any instrument like you can,
Fifth, you may not know the purpose of your life now,
But later maybe you'll figure it out, you can do anything
Because that's the thing with life, you always have a choice
And overall, everyone loves you. I'm serious.
And you may not realize it,
*When you smile, you can see everyone else smile too

I so badly seek approval from friends teachers and coaches because I don't feel the approval from my family

And yeah I let you use me from the day that we first met
But I’m not done yet
Falling for your fool’s gold
And I knew that you turned it on for everyone you met
But I don’t regret falling for your fool’s gold

Maybe I am flaky
I don't really know
But maybe I'm flaky
Because I'm waiting
For the right person
To make me
*Want to stay

What does it mean to be me (a summary)
Dancing in the halls to a song in my head
Searching for the newest Gorillaz song (because I'm weird)
Searching the internet for hakuna matata sweatshirts
Wanting to read the bible more, but being 'too busy'
Thinking your dog is a human best friend
Thinking of your snowy happy place
Eating the entire fridge,
then complaining about not being healthy
Doing crunches for abs
Drawing lonely girls
Looking up new muscle tees
Every time you put in ear buds,
Pretending your in a music video
Buying an Elton John album
Constantly appreciating clouds
Buying a protest sea world shirt
Adding to my around the world bucket list
Humming a Disney song
Making ****** innuendos
Planning the India Mission Trip
Not giving a crap about my hair
Feeling an emotion we don't have words for
Thinking about how other people think
Day dreaming about saving the day

I can't sleep
I can't hold my own eyelids up
I can't smile
I can't laugh
I can't pretend today
It's very obvious today
*I can't
I can't
I can't

All this time I thought if I killed myself she wouldn't grieve all that much. That it'd be better off. That it'd make her happier.
But
If I were to **** myself, she would mourn. She would die inside. She would care.
*And that makes all the difference

I stuck my finger in the new gunshot hole in the wall
It was still hot, and the gunpowder still lingered in the air
I was still numb, unfeeling, fingers tingling, heart stopped
I can't rightly explain the feeling, but it was weird, uncanny
I remember when I heard the gunshot this morning,
I looked at my mom, and I stood frozen, cold, gone, nothingness
Expressionless, completely numb, listening for a sound
Besides the ringing of the blast in my hollow ear drums

I am thankful for all of you

With the last two poems being about my parents
I guess you could say I'm running into some issues

The amount of love I give to everyone is overwhelming
People who **** me off still receive my love
Because my heart, well it just can't focus
My heart spills out to everyone like water,
I have love for individuals, who doesn't?
But my since my heart is like water, no focus
I'm afraid I'll never be able to focus my love on one person

You want to say someone cheated you,
Find just one person to blame
But there are too many, including yourself
So you just say life cheated you instead

Take my hand and let's just walk together,
Let's just roam the woods,
*And pretend we know what we are searching for

As though the constellations in her eyes
Had connected the dots to my heart

There is a time when too much
affection wells up inside me
And I become rude and mean
For fear it will all drain out at
The slightest word

You think I don't want you,
you think I'm not interested
You hear the snappy comments
You must think I hate you
However, I can assure you it's all the opposite

You used to call me you're little kangaroo
Because I was always kicking
Through the womb, in the bed, at dance class
Always kicking
And even though you don't call me
You're little kangaroo anymore,
Mom, I'm still kicking
Don't let me stop kicking

You laid on a towel, eyes glued to a screen
That phone was more interesting than me,
And you missed so much because of it
You missed the ducklings that swam by
Missed the giant pelican that landed on the cypress tree
You missed the way the current changed with the wind
You missed the croaks of the alligators
Missed the sounds of acoustic guitar and James Taylor
You missed the way the sun light hit my hair
You missed my brown eyes trying to find yours
You missed the conversations we could have had
You missed the tiny moments that make a memory
You'll remember a boring day or texting someone else
But I'll remember the birds, the music, the water, the smells
I'll remember the conversations in my head
And I'll remember how you weren't a part of it

He spread out his arms like an eagle flying
Then I realized we were indeed *soaring

Maybe if people stopped calling me ugly,
I'd have a little higher self confidence
People ask 'how can you not think your pretty'
Maybe it's because occasionally people comment
On my hair, or make a joke about my body
A joke not intended to hurt, and I laugh anyways
But deep down part of me is destroyed

Something tells me I'll ***** up a relationship
But I'm still open to getting pumped and making out?
Let's have a party
Who knows it could change my mind?

I want my love to spread like wildfire

hold up a second,
My mind is stuck on one thought,
And it has been the last week
But i don't feel like writing about it,
*I would write for days.

lets lay under a blanket of stars
and watch the world go by

You always hear of the first place winners
The people who got what they want
But no one ever talks about third place
No one ever congratulates third place
They follow the winners around,
Desperately trying to catch up, chasing
But they will always be the number three
Third to be noticed, third wheel
There is only one time and place
They manage to come in second
And that is, *second best

We don't need that much
Just someone
That starts the spark
In our bonfire hearts

It seems like everyone I am encountering is either taking advantage of me, or doesn't care

I don't just want to have ***
But rather *make love

She motioned the outline of an hourglass, a particularly curvy one
And said, "you're supposed to look like this"
And I thought to myself, *that way of thinking is just the problem

sitting in a public restroom
on a toilet, with your headphones
Listening as people come and go
Without the strength to get up

I watch as the people I once knew
Become the people I don't know anymore
I miss them a so much
Growing up is amazing and depressing
That girl who was always happy is now sad
That girl who was so innocent is now ruined
That girl who was cracking jokes fell silent

That leads me to wonder. Did I change too?
Do others notice a small silent change in me?

What if you thought you deserved every bit of it

I want to wake up, think of you
Knowing you woke up thinking of me

I'm letting myself go
I eat like I am starving
I push the gym off to "study"
Hip bones being enveloped
By this self hatred
Spilling over my pants
I curse and scream
But the next minute I'm swallowing

Okay so maybe I had a crush on you
Maybe I kinda liked you
Maybe I saw you and
I dreamt of you
And you made me smile
I guess I still haven't gotten over you?
I kind of have to,
And not besides the obvious reasons,
But because you like someone else
I guess I just admitted it to myself

So maybe I am not completely asexual
Maybe I can slowly repair my past,
And learn to open my heart... One day

At some point you have to make a decision
Boundaries don't keep other people out,
They fence you in.
Life is messy, that's how we're made.
So you can waste your life drawing lines
Or you can live your life crossing them

Well since none of my friends go on here anymore,
Boy, do I just want to kiss someone,
And I know I've said it before, but I want more
I want to be grabbed by someone and pulled in tight
And I want to kiss them, I want to be kissed by them
I want to kiss until I am too tired to do anything
Some deep pre teen desire pushing me further in
To this want for physical affection in the most
Intimate way

*******, a word to make me shutter
As my stomach churns like butter
I can move my hips just fine
But top, that is a different side
The only time I'm ******* is in my room
And even then I want to hide
No one should see what's under there
Maybe they don't, but I still care
When I wear bras with wires and hooks
It's all a show, it's just for looks
What's under there is something I despise
I wouldn't want that image in your mind
I have fantasies like everyone else
But I remain with a top on,
So I won't shutter at myself