Before I hit my head
There's was a fog
That hemmed my vision
Myopia
Was my guide
To every poor decision
Since the blow
The mist has cleared
I see so clearly
Panoramic
But still
I lose each bet
Constantly
****
And tragic.

alive for you 6.26.25 (9:13 pm / 21:13)
i like to think i stay alive for you
i like to believe i breathe for you
i like to imagine my heart beats for you

i might be wrong
i'm probably crazy
it's a nice thought, anyways

[playing: the lakes - bonus track by taylor swift]

i say
"i don't care"
like it's a piece of armour --
almost like if i say it
enough
itll become
true.

but my soul,
it still aches.
in the middle of the
darkness,
in the silence,
it remebers
what my mouth
tries to forget.

i don't care.
but only
out loud,
the rest of me
still cares --
in the darkness,
and in the silence.

for you 7.7.25 (8:02 pm / 20:02)
i don't want to stay here

though i could
right?












but if you said

"for me?"


















of course i would.

these words 7.7.25 (8:05 pm / 20:05)
these words are all i could get out today
i really thought i had more to say

i wish you'd write back to me 7.19.25 5:39 pm /17:39
oh, -------,
sometimes i wish you would write a letter back to me.

sometimes i wish you would log onto your old macbook
instinctively go to hellopoetry.com
type in my ariana grande username
find me and my words
find it, these lost sentences,
these trembling letters
i've been trying to send you.

i see why you don't-
the fear that maybe,
one day,
we will wake up and realize we don't love each other
that we don't know each other like we think
we do.

i haven't sent you a letter
because i don't want you to know but i want you to know
that i love you
but what if, what if, what if
one day i don't?

the uncertainty of being not torn apart
but drifting
finding someone new and
figuring out ourselves, finally,
finding that we don't need each other anymore.

of course that's not why you love me
or why i love you

i get that
i get that fear.

but you are not afraid
because you don't even know
that this whole time

i have been screaming
your name.

The ****** of the old
The brake of the new
The opposite
Of which
You want to do
As long as it's funny
Then that's what
We have gone through
As long as the
Essence
Is pure and true.

I lie awake tonight,
Wishing of things I can change.
I try to convince myself,
But it's all so strange.

Is it me,
Or is it you?
Do I try,
Or are we through?

So long we've shared
Just to walk away.
But so much hurt
To want to stay.

Why do we do this,
Try to hurt the other more,
Only to watch one
Walk right out the door?

I love you so much,
Yet I push you to the point of breaking,
But why do you play with my heart
And never stop taking?

Is this the end
Or a new beginning?
Only one can guide me
When my head is spinning.

Don't push,
Don't try,
Don't stress,
Don't cry.

That is what plays
Over in my head
As I try to close my eyes
And just go to bed.

The wonder
The journey
The pathos
Knowing
Absorbing
The release.
Eclipse