why? 7.17.25 (6:02 pm / 18:02)
why couldn't i tell what that feeling was?
why, when it should have been really ******* obvious?

why, when i could have saved myself so many tears
and sleepless nights
and blood and thoughts and making my home in a dark corner
telling myself i always wasn't enough

too much ugly unloved
unwanted an outsider
never understood or maybe understood too much
i told myself no one ever cared

why

why?
it's because i was happy
and i thought i didn't deserve it

and now i've thrown away that chance

[playing: fearless by taylor swift]

Roses are red
And so is my blood
You made cuts romantic
But it’s not called love

I can't feel your thumb,
when my life just became,
its what leaves me numb,
a bottle of gear that's ***,
I hate my thinking of the plum,
juicy is and adds up to the sums.
I hate the wisdom of tease & fun
We'll talking biscuits and the crumbs.
A shadow's glum will be out-run.

I cannot hurt any-more,
the bashing,
and the teeth
that
no...

There's no paradise.

I get sickened
of the type
of I can't
get
the
flick
of the salvation
lift my anchor......

No,
there is no,
flick of

Let it be,
memories

I won't
look behind
that door.

Let it go....
I'm harmless
of
a concision
No,
a true clown
Enduring


I already have.

I don't wish to live,
my nerves dig in deep,
soil hasn't watered
My sun is so dry
and plants dying,
roots not owned
but considered
one by one
so sympathetic
a ball rolls the sides
gutter to the wides
there's no control
and this is it.

and it’s been said my
social skills are appalling
but that’s pretty rude

Pain is a lot of things.
Pain is falling off your bike and scraping your knee.
Pain is being bullied by the cool kids.
Pain is having your first heartbreak.
Pain is feeling left out.
Pain is not knowing how you feel but it makes you angry.
Pain is losing the thing you most cherished.
Pain is knowing you can't go back in time to relive those happy memories.
Pain is getting injured.
Pain is being taken away from your family.
Pain is not being able to show your true self to others.
Pain is being scared.

But one thing pain isnt
Is that it doesn't last forever.
For all the pain you are put through or have been put through,
Is a day you will live to see and heal.
A day to remind you that your pain doesn't define you.
A day to show you that YOU are STILL living.

You will feel pain, you will be at lost for hope, you will feel all these things but someday, somehow
It. will. all. make. sense.

Who needs Zoloft, Lexapro, or Prozac
When you have dancing in the pouring rain
Being angry
With the sky
Screaming
with the thunder
Crying of the purest joy
Along with the drops of rain
A splashing around
like the child you didn't get to be
Would have wanted to
In puddles

How can it be "all in my head" when I think everyone is mad at me
But real when I'm questioning if my trauma actually happened