Hello y’all!
My name is Olivia Williams,
And if you are just meeting me or seeing my page..

WELCOME!!
I want to do a quick vote in the comments of YOUR favorite poem (pick ONLY 1 PLS :))
AND  do a vote as well if you WOULD LIKE to see previews of my future BOOKS on my page as well!?
It would be greatly appreciated if I could get some Input so I know what y’all are into writing-wise!
Thanks to those who have supported me so far, and welcome to all newcomers!
-your writer:
Olivia Williams :)

my goals :)
-take breaks when needed
-spill EVERYTHING out on paper
And read it before hitting “send”
-post AT LEAST 1 a day (if I’m not taking a break)
- take care of myself
- write something happy at least 2 times a month

its NOT an imaginary friend.
It’s not a dream.
It’s not fake,
It’s a REAL thing.
It’s a voice in your head,
It’s visions you get.
It’s real pain you endure,
Whether those know it or not,
It’s true,
It real.
DONT call this a bluff,
I have had ENOUGH.
people TELLING ME,
to “get over it”.
Or Im “faking it for attention”.
DO YOU THINK I WANT THIS!?
DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE HAUNTED!?
BY THE VOICES IN MY HEAD!?
24/7,
Day and night.
Alone or in public.
In a bathroom or in a mall,
It’s always there— taunting me.
Hoping I trip and fall.
The blood…
The eyes,
It’s all a disguise.
Only meant for my eyes.
So DONT YOU DARE!?
Tell me it’s fake.
Because I’m fighting,
Voices.
who GIVE NO grace.

Scratched
Worn
Splintered  
Torn
I hang on
But who knows how long

This piece of driftwood
In the open—raging sea
Pummeling me and this driftwood
Far away from land
In a surging storm
Me at to rip away the weak

I try so much
I cry all day
I beg for mercy
On most of my days
This pain
The nausea
The dizzy spells
All the times I *****
Because I can’t keep things down

Or how about my anxiety
My hallucinations too
It’s not fair
That the medication isn’t doing
what it’s supposed too

I try and try
But I fail and fall
And I collapse
So much
Ive fainted before

If you ask me if
“Im alright”
I’ll say “Im fine”
And move on with my life
Because no matter
What I have to keep fighting
I know that Theve tried
I know there trying
But what there doing isn’t enough
And I’m hurting

So here I am
On a driftwood out to sea
Fighting brutal storm
Pushing me
I don’t know the last time
I was free

But
At least I know
I have energy left
To keep up the mask
And I know that in this space
I can be me
And spill out
My battles

Like this painful
Ride
Whitch I will try
To fight
And let myself be me

The cycle.
Day and night.
This daily fight.
Just to survive.
What is this cycle ?
You may ask?
Well it goes like this,
And everyday it lasts.
I eat.
I get nauseous.
I gag.
I *****.
I can’t keep food down,
I can’t keep liquids down,
I don’t feel hunger,
I’m afraid to eat.
So—in turn I don’t eat,
or drink at all.
Till my body breaks-
and I collapse,
Or fall.
Then it repeats,
Putting it back into me.
Even though I’m afraid,
And I find no reason why,
To keep eating,
If I can’t keep it down,
In the first place.
This is what life is like,
With disorders,
And illness.
My body repeats this cycle,
But the doctors try to postpone it.
Still with no success…

I carry a storm,
In the pocket of my shirt.
A restless demon,
Clawing.
Ripping.
Shredding.
My body apart,
From the inside out.
Shattering bones,
Through every breath.
The taste of blood,
Of acid,
Is all I know.
Thunder in my mind,
And voices,
Is all that bombards,
My brain.
My hallucinations.
Develop,
I was told I'm faking,
But I'm not fine.
The demos echo,
They yell,
In that shrill voice,
I know all too well.
These echos send,
Alarms like a bell.
My heart is shattered glass,
Like a mirror,
Laying on the floor.
Cutting deeper,
With each bolt,
That sends waves into my body.
I wear this weight.
Like a second skin.
That’s underneath,
Hiding what’s within.
I struggle—I fight everyday.
What you don’t see,
Is what goes on,
Day to day.
The vomiting.
The pain.
The nausea.
The shame.
The anemia.
The dizziness.
The fighting for life,
It’s a lot of chores.
To stay alive— is a battle,
My body forces me to ride,
Like a roller coaster.
This fight in my pocket,
Is a storm brewing out of control
Who knows?
When my body,
Will hit a pole.
This storm,
Is making me lose myself,
More.

Why do I cry?
Why do I feel sad?
Why do I feel worthless?
Why do I feel bad?

Why do I feel like,
I’ll never be enough?
Why do I feel,
I’ll never be tough?

Why do I think…
I’m brave enough?
Why do I think,
I can stand up,
For what’s right?
Why do I struggle,
With all the,
Simple things in life?

Why do I hate,
The thought,
Of being alone?
Why do I feel,
Like I’m stuck in a black hole?

Why do I fight back?
Why do I lie?
Why didn’t I protect myself…
That day i almost died?

All these “whys” inside my head.
All these questions,
Not answered.
Just left on “read”
Taking up space inside my brain.
Rent free,
Causing so much pain.

I still ask,
“Why.”