Have fun?
What is fun without you
the ringmaster who leads them all to me
the conductor of my social life
without you, I'd have nothing that stays for me
even my best of friends
are performing what's laid out by their puppeteer
outings and events
invitations only sent because you're going
and what is left when you aren't there?
Simply nothing
And who have I to turn to when you're gone?
Simply no one
And what have I to give to them?
Is there anything I can give to them?

My insides have been taken out
no need for Jack's strong heart
or Jill's wandering mind
I've carved it out with a dollar bill
rolled up tight

Please tell me you love me one last time before i go
Hush the demons inside me for a little while more
The longer I'm left waiting to hear that you haven't gained a clue
(As to the torment i feel i put you through)
The louder my demons twist my thoughts to destroy my good faith in you.
So please, i know i ask too much but for now all i need from you
Is one last kiss and promise of love before i bid adieu

Why is it that nothing i do proves anything anymore
You keep rereading past chapters
And ignore my rise from the fall
I want nothing more than for you to see how far I've come
But change was never an option
For me at all
So why do i bother striving for better
To prove you wrong?
To make you proud?
One day if you ever shut your mouth and open your eyes to see all that i can be
You'll be proud of me and i can rest
Making amends with my 10th grade regrets

Longing for those that destroy me:

Could be the diagnosis
Or condition i fear to be diagnosed
Could be daddy issues
Or mommy, or both

I strive for days i feel the sun
But those days come few to none
Instead i feel the moons stare
And watch its friends nod me on

Do you remember the times spent sprawled across your bed
when we never noticed or cared when the sun had set
how you'd trace patterns into my shoulders
and I'd pretend to fall asleep;
anything to memorize how it felt between your sheets.
I miss the fire in your eyes when you craved my flesh
I miss your unforced smile, the scent of cigarette on your breath
it feels like weeks have gone by since I last felt your kiss
I guess it's the life in you, that's what I miss.

Imagining a day without you has proved to be impossible
You've grown under my skin,
Whether you're a main artery
Making sure every drop stays within my veins
Or a vital *****
My back up brain when mine chooses to backfire
And i am terribly selfish for needing you so
But i'm afraid i cant let you go