I am calm
the butterflies subsided
my palms dry
heart stabilized
steadily beating as I finish the bottles
left empty on the bedside.
I slip into the dress
put on my face
curl my hair
and stare in the mirror
imagining how I'd look
in a few hours time;
the flush of red in my cheeks long gone
skin grown cold
empty eyes.
I lie down
note at my feet
and wait for the numbness
to take me away
so I can find peace

I never sleep

it really *****

so I stay up all night

staring at a screen

wishing someone else who never sleeps

could come join me

and hold me tight

till we both fall asleep

or just till the sun rises

Wanderlust yet stuck in our own home town
Dreaming of the day we wake up to crashing waves
next to each other in the back of a pickup
Searching for our souls in the stars
Chasing embers as they fall down like snowflakes
burning our skin at first touch
Feeling the soft dirt between our toes
as we get lost in our backyard
Leaving handprints on foggy windows
after we realize the sun had set hours ago.
Losing ourselves in the smoke, the music and each others skin;
We are the reincarnated flower children
living recklessly in the present
Dreaming endlessly of the past
and not looking forward to the future.

I want to slip back into old habits
Take the razor blade and dig for a vein
Or maybe the white of my bones
I want to search for myself in there
In the blood and tissue matter
Past the scarred mess he left
Try and find out what makes me tick
Heart or head
Which comes first

Here I am
Trying hard to see the bottom of this hole
but the light was turned off many years ago
And I fear that maybe I will die alone

Here I am
Frantically praying to a god that isn’t there
hoping someone will turn and say ‘I care’
but no one will, they just laugh and stare

Here I am
Desperately seeking an escape from this
but down I fall into the dark abyss
It’s sad to know I won’t be missed

Here I am
Bullet through my heart and out my back
Noose is wrapped tightly round my neck
Pills are downed until I feel a bit sick

I'm no longer here
do you have any regrets?

I know your best sides
and  I know your worst.
I know every one of your flaws
and each one I love.
Whether I’m standing there holding you
or on the phone halfway across the world
or even if I’m that faceless person telling you things are OK,
I’ve always been there for you.

But things have changed
I’ve changed, you’ve changed
Months have gone by since that last night,
But love is strange, love is strong,
it finds ways to creep into your veins
and resurface when you least expect it
because true love never dies,
It resurfaces.

As long as there is love left in my veins,
Second chances will always come our way.

I sat on my bed
staring at the floor
Face blank, mind racing, searching
Till I got this urge,
This shiver down my spine
this clawing at my insides
these whispers in my head
So I went to my window
Tore off the screen
Sticking my head out in the summer breeze
Stared at the trees and the birds and the leaves
And tried to imagine what flying would be like
What crashing would feel like
What my head would look like
After I jump face first out my window
Into the rock garden down below.
I sat there, on my window sill
One foot dangling over the edge,
the other touching my carpeted floor
Trying to decide whether or not tomorrow was worth living for.