I saw galaxies in your eyes
and you left stardust in your footprints
but I keep it in a jar on the shelf above my bed
you're not here anymore but you are
and the voices in my head won't shut up
shut up
shut up
sometimes they sound like you
and they whisper sweet things like good morning and you're pretty
but sometimes they are your mother screaming
screaming
screaming
I can't erase the scars on my skin
maybe I wouldn't have cut my arms up if I didn't shake all the time
sometimes I am numb and empty but seeing blood run down my wrist reminds me that I'm full of pretty colors
other times I feel like I am housing the universe and I  am too small to contain it
there's only one way out and you always said it was bad for me
but it's good for me I swear,
just like the drugs I force down my throat to forget ******
******
******
I can't think or form sentences right now
I am tired and I am sick
in my head
there are monsters in my head and I have not stopped to think
just typing like a machine
I am a robot to my own mind, just repeating
repeating
repeating
sequences like math but it's not numbers
it's swallowing pills or slicing my body into pretty geometric patterns
caffeine is a drug and I am awake even though I feel dead
last night I cried for three hours straight
and I was terrified of not knowing what I was capable of
suicide is not pretty
you can't romanticize it with pictures of ****** wrists and hand guns next to a bouquet of daisies
even though sometimes that's what it looks like in my head.

you let me in at 3am that night
i latched onto your mind
and you tried to smooth my edges
maybe we like to pretend it isn't real
nothing is real in the darkness
we fall asleep
and wake up in the morning
with only a terrifying memory
i wonder if you regret it
but i look forward to midnight
it's the time you're alive
i'm not afraid
until i remember it won't be the same when we wake up
this is the secret we keep
i want to tell everyone about you
but you tell me
"we only exist after midnight"

WHEN SHALL WE MEET  AGAIN? _ Membis Godwin


When shall we meet again?

When the Sun would shine at night
The Moon in day light?
When Everest would decay
Into the Red Sea while well dry?

Or when to Heaven the Devil would relocate
God to Hell. When man would make
His Maker
Not out of dust but of hammer
When Fishes would live on land
In the depthless water would live a Leopard
When my Step-mother would in every season
Be ripe enough to reason
And America as senseless as a Lunatic-
Referred with having a Giant ****

Till then would I swim the flowing Stream of hope
Hoping to feel thy breath on my melting skin side.