If from this world too soon I may depart
Weep at your loss, keep me in your heart
But do not live in those tears,
Do not stay awake with all your fears.

If I part before my time has been deemed enough
Forgive whatever happened, for life is rough
Cry once, cry twice, but smile every time after
Because I once filled your life not with tears, but with laughter.

Do not feel guilty that you are smiling, laughing, living
I don’t want you to live like you are dying, life is forgiving
I have left you behind so much of myself in writing; in my art
Find my stories, my poetry, my loose thoughts and see my heart.

Remember to feel, allow yourself to hurt and grieve
Then learn to look at the world again and believe
That while grief will come and go, you can not lose your glow
Keep something of me with you, but do not forget to let go

If I leave you far too soon
Breathe, be happy and to your pain become immune
Remember me, remember all the stupid things I used to do
And with everyday live your life and to yourself, be true

I only cry when I think of you

I don't cry when I talk about my childhood trauma
Of the times I'd been let down, berated or broken
When I was shut down and shunned
When I felt mute and voiceless
When I felt alone and empty
I don't cry until I talk about you
About how I loved you, and how I'll never stop

I've been hurt before you
I've been hurt again after you
But it's interesting how there is a before and after you
As if that's how I divide my life
Divide the way I feel

When I think about you
I think about the day we met 10 years ago
In the choir classroom of our middle school
In the karaoke homeroom
We were young, ridiculous and open
We were outcasts who saw eachother
We were outcasts who were seen for the first time

I never felt like I had to hide from you
I never had to pretend to be someone I was not
I think about how we would laugh and smile with eachother
How we almost felt like we had an us vs them against the world
I think about how I loved you before I knew what love was

I think about everytime you called me and your voice
Somehow always seemed to save me
As if you knew every tear before they fell
Years and years, but you never stopped calling
And I suppose, I never stopped waiting
I never stopped answering

I think about the days we were together
When we reconnected in highschool
When we fell in love
How I can read our entire relationship through texts
How I can hurt myself and heal myself over and over
Like a wound that never heals, never scars
I think about how desperately I wished I didn't love you
How wrong it makes me feel being unable to let you go

I think of how you taught me what it meant to be loved
And what it meant to love

I think about how I'm alright with being your friend
With never showing you my writing
With never telling you how much I've loved you
I think about how I'm satisfied
With knowing I will never be more
And how it is worth it and I don't know why

I think about growing up
Of growing farther away from those memories
Farther away from the choir classroom
Farther away from the phone calls out of nowhere
Farther away from a version of you who loved me
And I realized I'll never grow away from the me who loves you

I only cry when I think of you
When I'm sober, when I'm not
And it's never a tear of hurt
Not from something you'd done
Nor from something you'd said
But from all the things I wish you did
From all the things I wish I could
For all the poetry you may never see
For all the love you'll never know

I only cry when I think of you
Because I love you when I know
That I should be able to let you go

I hope that there is a lifetime
   an alternate reality
   a dream
   where you choose me
   the way I will always
   choose you

And I understand
   that it cannot be
   this time
   this place
   this life

But even so
   don't you think
   that it's a little cruel
   that you will always
   have me

In a way that I
   will never have
   you?

My flower petals
Fell like empty shooting stars
With no wish to grant

Like a shooting star
You passed me quick and quiet
I forgot to wish

Now as spring leaves green
I wish on all that I see
Can you hear it now?

My summons for you
All my whispers on the wind
Calling you to me

I feel like my body
   is made of grains of rice
   when you hold me I collapse
   and skip through your grasp
   one day someone will either
   slip with me
   or help me hold us together

It conjures within me
   such a deep tingling sensation
   like an army of ants
   marching through my veins
   I wonder if it is
   anxiety and dread
   or perhaps delirious delight?

I'd like to give to you
   bouquets of pink carnations
   and forget-me-nots
   for I will never forget you
   even when you forget me
   I'll preserve our forever
   In these fallen flower petals

I sometimes wonder
    if I am broken
    like a faucet that
    won't stop running
    since my love for you
    seems ever flowing

Like a waterfall
    the feelings crash
    as strong as a river
    as deep as an ocean
    and I beg and plead
    for a drought

Surely,
    there is nothing left
    for me to feel and yet
    unrelenting snowstorms blow
    so I pray for avalanches
    to bury me whole

heart to mind
mind to pen
pen to paper
the steps I take
to put what's mine
where it will shine

but sometimes
heart has different plans
it skips those steps
and instead lands
into your ready hands