I want to be like a dandelion
Full of color and patience
Waiting for the day to come
Where I'm free to fly away

I tried to make my favorite tea today
The one you introduced to me
But now that you're gone
It doesn't taste so sweet

Late night phone calls
Conversations and sapphic dreams
Days got so long
I couldn't keep her entertained
It’s haunting and painful
Loving what you can’t hold

Coldness crept beneath the warmth
I thought she gave
Ensnared me; constricting
I couldn’t breathe
Thought I was breathless because I loved her
But she killed me with her sweetness

Worry, confusion
Tainted memories
Agony and heartache
Looking back in vain

I’m blurry, misguided
Troubled and insecure
Uncertain and lonely
Trying to find a cure
To all of my despair
Thought she was something more

Wet and red
As my wrists bled
She was there
In every tear I shed
What a haunting way
To honor
The memory of a ghost

Priestess in my memories
Temptress in my dreams
Why was it so easy?
So easy to leave me?
To hurt me?
How was it so easy to let me go?

I’m still holding on
To all the things I can’t recall
You must have took them all
On our last call
The sound of your laughter
The sound of your voice
Choking on your tears
I still remember

Worry, confusion
Tainted memories
In the tea stained color
Of her eyes
Agony and heartache
Looking back in vain

I’m blurry, misguided
Troubled and insecure
Uncertain and lonely
Trying to find a cure
To all of my despair
Thought she was something more
But I was colorblind, I should’ve known
When our love was blue in a world of red

How could I spell out love when it is absent of her name?
The way her eyes reflected a sunrise, the envy of Eos
She was like honey in the sky, the amber of her energy enraptured me
      I was bewitched

She was a masterpiece drawn with starlight, unfathomable beauty
An ivory sculpture crafted by the hands of a god, masterpiece of Hephaestus
I remember the time I was blessed by that smile,
     A vilified promise

The scent of patchouli and the taste of my favorite tea
Like ambrosia for a mortal, that sweet taste of paradise
Sunflowers and the many other favorites that she gave me
     Stolen without a word

She used to call me late at night to talk about her day
But the days for me got longer, I couldn't keep her entertained
Such a coldness hid underneath the warmth I thought she gave me
     Gone like a ghost in the night

I thought I was breathless because I loved her, now I’m suffocated by the agony
She was killing me underneath the sweetness, constricting like a boa
And when I close my eyes to see the memories lapse she's still in them
     Haunting me like she wanted

Eros' is golden arrows struck me hard and shamelessly
Through my heart and left a scar, chasmic and wide
Her toxic serotonin left me high, addicted to her energy
     A limitless euphoria

I spoke to the gods above and I told them of my love
What a liar she's made me out to be, the clever snake
I begged that Aphrodite let my words reach her
     But they fell on deaf ears

Now I pray that Anteros relieves me and hears my plea
Unravel these feelings in my heart, lift the anchor of her name
Don't let me be the sole carrier of the blame
     For the ruin that remains

I have a bad habit of getting close to people quickly
So few people bother to notice or talk to me
Perhaps I crave the feeling of being real through their validation
It's unhealthy, but you try going through life made of cellophane like a ghost- even the psychics don't see me
I have a bad habit of allowing others to become important and irreplaceable too quickly
So when they leave it feels like nothing will ever be the same
It's unhealthy, but when your only friends are the ones you create in daydreams- you learn to latch on to the real ones
Real...
I suppose nothing is real
If walking away is so easy
Then there never was a realness to it
Maybe if you were just another creation of my imagination
I wouldn't feel so bad
I wouldn't go to sleep hungry and wake up feeling full
Maybe I wouldn't have to wipe my tears and pretend they never fell
Or maybe then you'd never walk away, because in my mind is the only place anyone ever truly stays

I've had many, many goodbyes in my life
But none felt as bitter or cruel as yours
Was my job just to make you feel better for a time
Entertain you until you didn't need me anymore?
To say that you cared then to cast me away so easily
I feel like I am concurrently going through all 5 stages of grief
As if something has been ripped out from within me
Some vital ***** with an unknown function

To say goodbye
Then ask me if I'm alright?
After cutting me down my spine
You ask me if I'm alright?
You've taken my last will to fight
Goodbye never felt so shallow
Goodbye never felt so betraying

I feel as if all this bottled anxiety is eating me alive from within
There is nothing left of me but it
To all the people who've walked away without me

Thank you for teaching me that I'm not worth the time to get to know
Thank you for teaching me that when I'm open it's better to be closed
And thank you for leading me on to believe I had hope
Then crushing it in front of me like butterfly wings or the petal of a rose