"I'll just suffer" became my catch phrase because I learned from you that if I ask for help I will not recieve it. In it's stead I will recieve unkind words, judgment and beratement for all the things I already acknowledged my failure in and already feel bad enough about. That burden is acid in my mouth, it's the reason I can't sleep at night. Knowing that if I come to you for help another obstacle will fall before me.

I have learned that I can't turn to my parents to help or be proud of me. You will never be my encouragement or my acceptance. In your stead I have to turn to my friends, to their parents. Because you simply will not bring me to the surface when I'm drowning. You let me sink and tell me to drown so I know how bad it hurts. So instead I will reach my hands to those who will pull me above the water and teach me how to swim and keep afloat.

You're selfish, it's something I have to live with. You think that because you have suffered that others can't. And when they haven't suffered enough they can't desire or seek help. You are allowed to run away and escape the pressure but you force me to take it all on my shoulders. You are the rock and chain that drowns me.

Have you ever loved something so much
That you would do any task
Give up any possession
To chase what no one else could see?

In your heart
Have you ever held something so precious
That you would teach a fish to fly
Just to keep it within your grasp?

In my life I accomplished everything I was told I couldn't
I put myself below no one, I refused to face any discrimination
Because with my art I could make the invisible seen to all
I could change emptiness into brilliance
And I could capture an ephemeral moment and make it immortal

I was told countless times to give up for I was destined to fail
But I'd rather have tried and failed
Than live my life regretting that I never did
I am no coward, my paintbrush is my sword
And my canvas is my battlefield

For my art I would turn nothingness into magic
Because with my art I could make magic tangible

Isn't it messed up
The way I only feel like somebody
The only time I truly feel real
Is when I'm someone else
In a daydream that never ends

The concept of me, of now
Is so far and distant
It echos from somewhere deep inside me
Somewhere I can't find
Somewhere I don't look

How can I do or be what's expected of me
When that person doesn't exist
How can I be the perfect child
When the only freedom I've ever known
Is when I lock myself in my minds cage?

How can I comfort someone
When all I know are phantom hugs?
How do I feel success
When every accomplishment I've achieved
Has never been enough?

What future do I look to
When all my dreams are trampled on
By people who can't see what I do, but know better
Why is life only worth living
When I block it out with make-believe?

How could I spell out love when it is absent of her name?
The way her eyes reflected a sunrise
She was like honey in the sky
I was bewitched

She was a masterpiece drawn with starlight
An ivory sculpture crafted by the hand of a god
I remember the time I was blessed by that smile
A vilified promise

There are many things I cannot do
More are there things I do not understand
Countless are the things I do not know
But what I can do, what is tangible for me
I imagine in the palm of my hand
And lock within my fist, it's bottomless cage
What I do understand, I wrap around me
Like a chrysalis, a sheild of safety
And it protects me, my ward against the world
However what I know, that I do not covet
I give that away to passerbys, to strangers and friends
Like a sage, a mentor or philosopher

Perhaps things like emotions escape me
As my heart abandons feelings
The ones that pass through my fingertips
From my pen to paper
But writing is what I hold within my fist
It is how I makes sense of the world
It is every one of my senses
I see, taste, touch, smell and hear
Through a world beyond words
Like a magic veil, I see into anothers conscience
All the things they hold dear, what they cannot live without
All the things they regret, what they wish would wash away
In even the faintest moment and smallest thing

I feel all those emotions of which I've never known
But more than that I feel one thing that I can call my own
The passion, I feel that tearing through my bones
I can feel it burning in my lungs and my heart becomes a hearth in a cabin of nothing
For a moment I am filled with warmth like no other
And that feeling is one I'd chase to the ends of the Earth
Into the darkest chasm and within the brightest light
For it is the only one thats real within my world

She painted words that flew like Eros' golden arrows
Straight through the hearts of all they reached
Timeless ethereal words of feeling
That no other could capture in such brilliance
A tenth muse proclaimed by Plato
How could one write such words of passion and  romance
Without some blessing from the gods above?
Had Apollo himself whispered in her ear all the ways beauty could be described?
How a gentle touch can be painted in song?
How strong were the blessing of Aphrodite,
To burn such deep emotions into the heart of the poet

Love had guided Sappho through life and so it guided her out
Her heart leapt far across the sea
So far and yet for once
They could not reach the one she wanted
And as she fell from the seaside cliff
Her essence remained
Within the words she wrote
Within the notes the lyre played
Sappho remained, heart shining through
Perpetually enlightening the world
With her pulchritudinous words of love

I wanted the world to see through my eyes
I desperately longed to share the beauty I'd seen
But how could I hope to ever capture such sights in writing?
The way love takes your breath away,
How could I share the feeling without cliche?
In what way could I hope alone to share the feeling of ecstasy that comes from redamancy?

I look into the eyes of those who hear my words
Do they feel it?
My heart, can they hear it?
Do they see love in all her glory?
And I see it, the glimmer of excitement
The anticipation and nerves,
How they squirm and giggle
And in that moment I know
My heart has reached them