Our love was such a beautiful flower

One so unique and brand new it didn't even have a name
As it's petals bloomed and towards the moon it grew
I felt a love that was so deep and true

I thought that it was so beautiful and ethereal
That it must be immortal
That I'd see it in this life into the next and the one after

But it wilted
All the petals browned and fell
The roots rotted and leaves receded

Every flower has its season, this one just came late and let false hope into my heart

No matter how much I watered
How much I changed the soil
How much love I poured into it-

I could not save our dying flower

Because of him I've come to know what love is truly like
And it's not the way I've written it
Love is painful
Love is insecure
Love is questioning

I've always written that
Love was healing
Love was confidence
Love was knowing

While sometimes it may be all those things, it alternates
Love is bittersweet
Love is longing
Love is searching

Now that I know love, I've come to understand it even less
Love is having constant questions and having the answers just out of sight
Love is wanting to hold someone and them being just out of your reach
Love is desiring the sweetness in a romantic ballad while the sound is deafening

It is both everything I can't live without and everything I wish I could

He carries my heart in the soles of his shoes
So when he's looking down it's not because he has the blues

But lately it seems he forgets me at the door
He walks out into the world barefoot, sad and empty

I wish I could catch him before he leaves
Climb into his pocket and make him feel relieved

Watching from the window I am helpless as he sighs and frowns
On the window sill I sit on edge, patient and waiting for a chance to hold him

He looks like a person searching for something lost, something forgotten
But when he comes home he'll see it's me he has forgotten

I see him turn the corner of our street, he looks up at the window of our home
His gaze fills the room like sitting by a warm hearth

But he looks away and all that remains is the sounds of his shoes hitting the pavement
Our home is now cold and empty as he walks away

Will you still love me if I'm not pretty?
If all my teeth were broken and chipped
If acne covered every inch of my skin
And if my hair was always oily to the touch?

Will you still love me if I am no longer young?
When all my teeth have been replaced
When my skin is softly wrinkled like a well read book cover
And when my beautiful red hair is turned white with age?

Will you still love me if I am truly me?
All my insecurities and flaws I try to hide
All the fears and doubts within my heart
And all the dreams and ambitions I hold so dear?

Will you love me for me if I let you try?

I feel somehow I am fooling you
That I'm not as captivating as you imagine in your mind
I'm not as mature or put together
I'm deceiving you surely,
I'm confused and all over the place
I'm hesitant and scared all the time
I always forget things, I'm not pretty or smart like other girls
I wear a mask of confidence
I'm not really so sure of myself
I'm truly terrified of all my uncertainties
So many qualities I wish to lose and wish to gain for you
But when you say my name I forget that these insecurities ever even mattered
How is it you see me so clearly that I only truly love myself with you?

In the silence I find comfort looking out the window at the beautiful sky above me, knowing that somewhere in this world it sees you in the ways that I can not
That when you step outside the sun embraces you and holds you in the warmth and gentleness that I long to
And when it rains you can hear, see and feel me for within every drop I am with you in these unknown ways
Because in these ways, through the distance between us we are connected
When I glide my hand along the sunbeams around me I feel the traces of you carried back to me

When the sun sets and darkness surrounds me I feel your heartbeat in the quiet
Under the moon you are reflected in the light, dancing off the beams of her mystical magic
And the dazzling sea of stars calm me in their endless cosmic stretch
For if the stars above can live so far from the people who adore and love them
Then the distance between us is nothing

And I feel comfort knowing you can feel me in these ways that I feel you
When I close my eyes, in this way the distance fades away
So when you step outside, feel me in the warmth of the sun
See and hear me in the pouring rain
Watch me dance in the moonlight
And forget the distance in the stars perpetual range

It's so curious the way the human heart
***** us in through the eyes
Captive to these unfair emotions
Covering every inch with stitches on our skin
Reflecting all the love torn apart within

Bruises on our egos, showing how shallow we can be
Everyone trying too hard to please
The social norms that leave us on our knees
Praying for release from the things we can't control
Because we're all so scared of the unknown

Fake your intentions, pretensions feed the flame
All of the questions that are keeping us awake
What more can we forsake for those illusions we all chase?

And is it worth it in the end
When we look back at the lives we've lived
Knowing every move was calculated, faked for show
Because we were told to live that way
Faking our emotions, driving out the sin

With the same hands used to yield we beckon with a wave
Inviting back all the things we've thrown away and overcame
All the envy rinsing off our skin, falling into life once again
Because we long for the touch of other's to fix what we cannot
Yet we hate and love each other in the same fragile thought

How is it that you fear me like I'm a toxic flower
But still hold me in your arms like I'm all that you desire?
Feeling up my emptiness, caressing away all that is corrupt
Walk with me in the shadows of my soul, breath the air within
Will you hold me up to the sun, that I may feel again?