I was told today to drop dead
to go away because I am annoying
I went home, shut my bedroom door
and immediately started crying
I've been told these words before
you think they would be easier to hear
Yet every time those words are said
I am consumed by my biggest fears
My emotional scars re-open
revealing a vulnerable part of me I try so hard to hide
I'm taken back to seven years ago
when my only thoughts were of suicide
I don't mean to be annoying
I can't help who I am
I'm sorry I'm not good enough
but there is no way you will forgive me is there?
This is what happens when you care so much
you tend to get hurt
This is why I build up walls
because humans are the worst
So I sit here writing this poem
on my cold bathroom floor
Letting my tears fall down my face
as I try to mend my heart that you just broke

I like simple things.
Walking
Breathing
Talking
I don't like simple things that turn into compex things.
Sprinting
Hyperventilating
Arguing
I have a hard time focusing on simplicity when it all changes into complexity without warning.

life itself a calculation

if you invest the right amount of time

with right efforts

results will be fruitful like a tree

full of shinning apples

False shades I hide behind,
To embrace the other side of my mind –
The woman inside who’s always possessing my eyes
Boiling my soul’s insides until it can no longer hide
Rapping, tapping, stabbing, dabbing –
All my emotions galore, to find the other they implore;
Female only, this and nothing more.

Oh, Lords above! Truly your forgiveness I may adore –
Along with your permission I implore, to have this emotion at my door
To build up and grow, to fuel the thirst for a gender’s allure,
To flow outwards in glorious lore, in a tempest’s downpour.
Vexing, nixing, trapping, sapping –
My life force away – Until I am female forevermore.

Forgiveness I ensure, for all taunts I endure –
From my own mind’s tapping, nodding, napping at my mind’s core
Free me from my suffering! – Break me from this chore!
Terrors shall rattle my brain, draining my veins galore, in fear of my fatal self-gore
Hanging, napping, seething, bleeding –
Convertest to female – Or my life shall be no more.