I question to this day,
where you came from,
Why I met you,
and if this feeling,
is because we have met before.

I want love that lasts decades,
and happiness that never ends,
I want to forgive, give, and understand.

I want to fill voids,
and listen even though the bad,
I want to be adored,
and wanted entirely.

I want to love another,
as much as they will love me.

I want to have a family,
and give my kids everything I never received.

I want to travel the world with one,
and create new meanings of life.

I want to love someones imperfections,
their flaws and past.

I want to live with a love meant to last.

You cut me wide open,
and were angered at the sight
of my healer.

I asked how to be whole again,
and they turned me to God.

I wonder what happiness is,
Because I do not believe I have ever felt it.

Is it the smiles that don't escape
and the tears I've never cried?

Is it the hole I feel within me
or the brightness at times?

Is it what I have been missing in life?

Is it beauty?
Is it trust?
Is it opposite sadness?
--Love?

Is is remembering the pain,
knowing something better came of it?

Or is it pretending the bad didn't happen,
as if a cure.

Is it why I'm writing my thoughts
and acknowledging what I believe is to come of life?

Or is it a subtle plea,
for more meaning...in mine.

Maybe
it
isn't
what
I
thought
it
would
be.