i just want things to go back to normal

you remind me of so many things
fresh rain on gravel
flowers in the summer and spring
the stars at dawn
happiness
joy
love
because
they were all
gone too soon.
i miss you
i miss you so much

sometimes,
late at night,
memories drizzle from our eyes
and roll down our cheeks.
unable to forget
no matter how much it hurts

why do i keep looking for love
in places with none at all

i can say that i remember her
but i dont think i do
the sweet sentences that replay in my head
are now voiceless, replaced by dread
because i feel the memories floating away from my grasp
but while fleeing
they leave behind a virus, which rots inside my being
grief

there is too much blood in my veins
but im not entirely sure it’s all blood
there seems to be another ingredient

why do i constantly feel pain
like the pressure
needs to be drained

so ill skin myself alive and let it flow out
there are no longer restraints
no skin holding my contents together

i simply cannot function
because there is too much blood in my veins
and it runs thick and heavy

What if I'm crazy too
What if I'm like him
And because of that
I don't realize I am

I mean
I know the tendency is genetic
And when you're sick
You don't even know it

He is a part of me
Either way
I had no choice
I was born that way

When I look in the mirror I see his eyes
And his nose
And his hair
I glare at them
A reminder that I'm stuck with him
no matter what I do he'll always be there

It makes me hate myself
When look and I see him in me

I don't want to look like him
I never want to make anyone feel the way he did to me
I don't want to be crazy and see the world blurry
I won't even know it if I am
Which is scary
Please don't also let me be crazy

My bedroom is dark


Like the place my mind takes me to when I wonder off