I know this seems like contradiction
But I wish I wasn’t just my fiction
I wish they’d closely read my pages
And see through my false scenes and stages

I wish they’d squint and try to see
The text that’s true, that’s real, that’s me
Instead they glance just once, so quick
Not reading pages stacking thick

I made this front, it’s me to blame
I hid my truth in fear of shame
I feel regret as people glance
Towards my false curated stance

The narrative that they all read
Is someone else, not true, not me,
My want for love drove me to burn
All that I was so love was earned

I crafted quickly my own fiction
Showed off my hollow, fake depiction
I forged and locked my gilded cage
The “pretty” hides the rotting page

If someone picked me up right now
And saw past all lies I allow
I don’t think they could even read
The mottled text as truly me

Words shifted from their origin
The lies, the stains that I poured in
Blur with the truth, no one can tell
Not friends, not loves, not my own self

I changed so much to fit their wants
That I can’t read my own **** fonts
I killed my truth, now none will see
The faded, burned, authentic me

Finally, I’ve made it
Thirteen years now graduated
But with all the pain I’ve seen
What the hell does it all mean?

At last I’ve crossed the line
It’s crazy how fast the time flies
It’s a joyous day, that’s what it seems
But what the hell does it all mean?

Raise your glass, let’s make a toast
To all the pain and dread we boast
During these years I should’ve dreamed
And figured out what it all means

You speak with me like I’m a lost cause
Your words cut deep like guttural claws
I show that I’m mad, but I secretly plead
For you to for once believe in me

You assume I’ll give up before I begin
Because of past stories of how I have been
I know I’ve before overwatered new seeds
But for once can you please believe in me

You keep speaking of me like I’m a stain
You make me a joke to cover your shame  
I know you’re embarrassed because of me
You hate that I hurt the way you’re perceived

You assume I’ll soon throw in the towel
Like other past projects that ended foul
But of course I lowered my new dreams sails
When you only thought that I would fail

It feels like a wound being rubbed with salt
When you say the way that I am is my fault
I shout my harsh words, they secretly plead
For you to just once believe in me

To me you have successfully taught
That I’m a stain, a fault, a lazy lost cause
When I look in the mirror, that’s all I see
Since that’s all you ever made me believe

Man oh man, it’s been too long
Since I heard your piano songs
I used to hate them everyday
I’d rip my hair out when you’d play

Each time i’d take a bit to read
Your notes would play, my ears would bleed
They’d send me right around the bend
To loonie bins and back again

But man I miss your stupid songs
Though they’d have any crowd soon gone
To hear them once again someday  
I’d sure cut off my arm n’leg

I never got much time to sleep
While hearing your piano screech
Each time I’d try to take a nap
You’d give those notes a violent smack!

But man, I miss your slammin’ hands
Though no one’s ears were quite a fan
If you could play for me once more
My smile’d reach right to my core

Each time I’d ask for “quiet, please!”
You’d play like cats dancing on keys
Those horrid notes would never stop
Like nails scraped down on board for chalk

But man, I miss those melodies
Though they’d have made a deaf man flee
If you could spare just one more tune
Your notes would fill this sorry room

Man oh man, it’s been so long
Since I last heard you play a song
I used to beg your notes would go
But now I hate this hollow home

I hope you play still in the clouds
And make birds from blue skies fall out
Go, keep on gifting garish tunes
I know you brought them to your tomb

“To tie someone down”
Such negative connotation
Like love will always drown
It’s victims, no hesitation

To love is to find
A shooting star while gazing
To burn so very hard
And to fall so very blazing

To love is to be anchored  
Kept safe from the strong waves
And never to be wavered,
A torch in this dark place

To be tied down, to be held safe
It’s your choice how you see
Love changes with each person’s gaze
But I know what it means to me